Everyone Meet My Brand New Piece of Pussy.

beard.
it has two definitions.
it can be that thing you have on your face when you don’t shave for 2 weeks.
like, now.
baby when do you plan on getting a cut?
you look terrible.
or it could be:

yup.
the big breasted,
shiny haired,
“look like you have good pussy”,
vixen you usually saw in your dreams or a magazine spread for bras.
today foxhole,
we gonna talk about the beard,
or to some of us:
friend…

so i know you see em.
i’ve had to set up a beard for someone.
flawless execution on my part.
they’ll be with some actor wolf,
singer wolf,
rapper wolf,
and you had to ask how they met her?
i’m sure it was at an industry party.
he finally has confidence now.
go get that exotic pussy!
but…
you ever see someone in the public eye with a vixen,
someone who looks like she was ripped out a magazine?
she looks like she is from another country (typically brazil),
barely talks a lick of english,
and just stands there and smiles on cue?
what about the ones who look like they just met baller wolf in the limo ride for the first time?

could be a beard.
it’s hard to believe,
but it really isn’t.
beards been around from the early days.
when gay rumors start swirling,
they needed to attach them to someone quick.
make sure it is believable.
worst comes to worst,
leak a sex tape.
it is important for the wolf of your dreams to look like the wolf of your dreams.
hell sometimes a beard is assigned because wolf is just corny as hell.
the problem with baller wolves is they pick these obvious bimbos who look so obvious.
what happened with the pretty black girl?
why is the new wave these light brights and damn near white?
many times beards are not the typical video vixen either.
a beard can actually be another person,
just like you,
who compliments whatever you are doing career wise.
it helps bring attention to you and that person.
managers meet and ask:

“who can we hook my client up with?
one that will help bring attention to their brands?
who is the hot young actress/singer/model on the scene right now?
call their manager and let’s schedule a meeting.”

like this vixen:

her past roster:

and now suddenly,
she has found her way to:

…right.
look i’m not saying all beards are given to the dl and the geeks.
some of these “love connects” are actually good business deals.
they can help promote a new show,
sell an album,
make a wolf/vixen look sexier,
or just make people fantasize on being in a relationship similar.
mary louise on that fat farm in kansas needs hope, ya know!
it’s promotion for two people to become a power couple.
you know people believe whatever their favorite celeb gives them to eat.
even if it’s laced with poison.
i don’t care what anyone says,
this:

… never really struck me as a hoe as the media claimed she was.
she seems so… blah.
look at her roster.
google their rumors.
nuff said.

oh and beards aren’t just wolves.
some vixens also need beard love too.

lowkey: it’s sad i know a beard when i see it.
my advice in picking beards,
date a wide variety.
make it seem like you are a ladies man.
the super exotic worship is getting stale.
just my opinion.
i need to start the “foxhole image consulting den” or something.
these poor baller wolves and vixens need my help.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

20 thoughts on “Everyone Meet My Brand New Piece of Pussy.

  1. *Takes notes* Professor i have some questions: Why is asap’s midget ass climbing a platform to tower chanel, Do i always have to look “on point” so i can beard for someone or do i play the dumb bimbo, sign me up for your extra classes and the image consulting

    1. ^you could be that young fox who is with a “jlo” or a madonna.
      an older woman whose shine is starting to dwindle.
      jlo’s brand is to always have a man by her side.
      madonna just had a divorce,
      so what better way than to have a young model banging her out.

      to become a beard,
      you would need to sign up for an agency doing “something”.
      casper was a dancer.
      all of madonna’s boyfriends after er divorce were models/dancers.
      usually you need to either be doing something or already be something.
      regular joe off the streets isn’t going to just beard for anyone.

      1. well i do something(S) just not modeling/dancing/personal training/ trying to be a rapper/singer/music producer. So what you’re telling me is keep doing my business just don’t show it to them…Can’t I be that young MBA/Attorney getting madonna paychecks and spending weekends in Monaco? Or do I have to play the part of lil boy meets momma savior (Shaunie O’Neal’s bf/ Kandi RHOA bf) or do i NEED to go get in an Agency REGARDLESS of whatever else I’m ACTUALLY interested in doing?

        1. ^if you are the young mba attorney getting those checks,
          you would need the beard.
          not the other way around.
          i’m sure they would hook you and a madonna up for publicity.
          take a few pictures of you vacationing together.
          that gives you some promotion and shows the world who you are.

          to be a beard means the person over you has more power.
          keyshia cole,
          for example,
          would never be a beard for a “jay-z”.

          shaunie just got a divorce from shaq.
          women always downgrade to the young wolf who will turn the pussy inside out.
          i don’t think kandi needs a beard.
          she is too cheap for one lol.

          you don’t need to be in an agency if you plan on “being something great”.
          beards tend to be followers who will be known as “the guy such and such was dating”.
          unless you were put together with another powerful person,
          there is no beard who actually became “the star”.

      2. so the young aspiring /upcoming baller dating the already established powerful woman and she in turn fills my bank account and i become ‘seen’ ex nick kannon….is that a beard or wat?

  2. also after your beard contract is up,
    you end up getting something out the deal.
    you get more opportunities.
    it’s a relevantly easy job.
    that’s why so many pretty bimbos do it.

  3. to all the foxes,
    wolves,
    and hybrids that want to be beards….
    know you have to be good looking,
    body has to be on point,
    must be masculine,
    likeable,
    you have to look like you are fuckin’ this vixen stupid,
    and you need to be doing something in the industry prior.
    it also helps to be connected to the right people.

      1. ^likeable means you can appeal to all markets.
        people won’t be saying,

        “why are they dating?”

        look at kevin federline.
        he wasn’t a beard per say,
        but he was a bad decision.

    1. ^a beard…
      …or a really big hoe.
      look how uncomfortable she looks in that pic with asap.
      i’m not saying he is gay…
      …but he is trying to push a brand.
      one that is in fashion.
      “get the hot model”.
      wasn’t he just “dating” that rapping white chick?

      1. I want to tap him. I truly think he is straight though. People do have to realize that rappers and singers act a certain way to make money. That is not truly who they are on the inside. So we never know what’s really what.

  4. You nail this post on the head, it so clear that she is just a escort, she looks like she is at work on a photo shoot with all of these dudes, no chemistry with none of them, its no way Im buying she has dated any of them, she actually gives me that she could be a lipstick lesbian. House Mother Kanye Balenciaga West and his child ASAP Rocky pics really looked staged. More and more I am looking with a side eye for most of these entertainers and athletes who have different dates every time you see them on the red carpet. This seems like a lucrative business.

    1. ^she is so blah.
      she isn’t a beyonce.
      a rihanna.
      yet she is pulling all these foxes.
      yes,
      i’m calling them all foxes.

      why is it everyone she dates,
      she writes a blatant song about?
      i saw right through her.

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