after a long dry spell,
and a few people who came in too fast and disappeared just as quickly,
i’m re-learning how to open up again while being emotionally sore.

on super bowl sunday,
i was invited to a party at this new place i’m in.
i’ve been here about a month now and i’ve started mingling.
well tbh,
people started mingling with me.
one thing about me is:

people want access to me and get comfortable fast.

i don’t know if it’s my energy,
my softness,
or the way i make people feel safe but it happens.

so i met a straight couple downstairs last week,
and after about an hour of talking,
they told me to come through to this party they were having.
honestly?
it was so much fun.
being around new people reminded me of who i am,
how easily i connect,
and how much i enjoy meeting new wolves…
uh,
people.
meeting new people.

after the high has come down,
i find myself paused on all of it at 411am…

i’ve come to the conclusion that we have all become miserable.
that president of ours isn’t helping matters either.
these folks got all the money in the entire world and living in pure misery.
they miserable cause they rich; we miserable cause we ain’t got it.
i had to wonder if being wealthy is all it’s cracked up to be.
so i went to a superbowl party last night,
and cue my own misery,
was bored out of my mind…

i appreciate gen z on rih’s social media for their super sleuthing.
when i was a young millennial in my 20s,
i thought i knew everything because:

i was the master of the universe.

as i grew up,
i learned very quickly how i was loud and wrong about many things.
people i admired and went to bat for disappointed me as time went on.
so when i see all this discourse about jay z and harvey weinstein,
if i was a 20-something gen z,
i would probably believe what i saw and take it as truth.
realistically…

there is always that one male identified female cousin/aunt/ya mother,
who will defend or deflect that her brother,
uncle,
or whatever triflin’ male was SA’n various family members.
they will tell the abused:

“go sit on your uncle’s lap.”
“what did you do to deserve it?”
“you was probably being fast.”

…all while waving a bible and telling them they need to learn to forgive or ignore.
“something something… has their faults but they got good in there“.

i’m not fonting and alleging that this is church she-jackal,
kim burrell,
but it seems like like she has a “forgive the demons/pick-me” spirit.
that is very interesting coming from her tbh.
she sat up at that mariah trribute,
wanting us to forgiver her “brothers”,
diddy and r.kelly…

“where else are you gonna find an apartment in new yawk for 1700?
tell me that?
you can’t.”

that was one of the last things the landlord said to me.
i’ve noticed jackals and hyenas think they are cursing you,
but it actually turns into God actually blessing you.

isn’t that a verse in the Bible?

i’ve grown up in the new yawk forest for a long time.
there have been numerous friends,
and numerous Foxholers,
over the years that told me it was time to leave and find a new place.
comfort had me stuck but once i was forced to move,
and displaced in an entirely new forest,
i see what they were talking and fonting about.

i made the decision that i’m gonna leave the new yawk forest.
i’m still close but i’m not in the thick of it anymore.

in the complex that a friend opened their doors to me,
i went to look into seeing if i can relocate here today.
i really like it here and it fits the place i can call home.
the interesting part about how much i would need to get in here tho…

i’ve been fuckin’ with billie eilish pretty heavy.
“birds of a feather” on her last album>
you know when i get into an album,
i’ll play it on repeat until the stream is scratched.
i was listening to “happier ever after” on repeat all last week,
but especially these two songs:

^the last one is on the “barbie” soundtrack tho.
as you know,
i love the rebellious.

billie don’t give a damn.

she gon’ say and font what she needs to say and font.
i teared up with what she said at the grammys about ICE…