What if masculinity wasn’t what we were taught to admire?
What if it was something quieter,
steadier,
and far more powerful?

when someone loves us for who we are,
not for our highlight reels,
not for our past,
and not for who they want us to be but:

The real,
unfiltered,
and sometimes ugly us.

yes,
the ugly us.
the one underneath the filters.
the one that has the demons and the insecurities.
when they don’t flinch or are embarrassed at our flaws.
the one who don’t play bout you and will square up if someone disrespects you.

You better hold on to them.
Tight. AF

i used to believe masculinity lived in the gym.
it was big biceps,
played sports,
and an intimidating stare.
some males,
sure,
but i’ve learned:

Just because someone looks like a man,
that doesn’t mean they act like one.

muscles don’t equal depth; a scowl doesn’t make you safe.
masculinity is not a role we play,
a script we memorize,
or photos we post.
it’s how we show up for ourselves and our loved ones,
especially when no one’s watching.
i thought about this when alex fine spoke out after cassie’s testimony yesterday…

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“Over the past five days, the world has gotten to witness the strength and bravery of my wife, freeing herself of her past. There has been speculation online surrounding how it must feel for me to sit there and listen to my wife’s testimony,” Fine said through Wigdor. “I have felt so many things sitting there. I have felt tremendous pride and overwhelming love for Cass. I have felt profound anger that she has been subjected to sitting in front of a person who tried to break her. Fine directly responded to Combs: “So, to him and all of those who helped him along the way, please know this: You did not. You did not break her spirit nor her smile that lights up every room. You did not break the souls of a mother who gives the best hugs and plays the silliest games with our little girls. You did not break the woman who has made me a better man Fine said that “I did not save Cassie, as some have said. To say that is an insult to the years of painful work my wife has done to save herself. Cassie saved Cassie. She alone broke free from abuse, coercion, violence and threats. He added that Ventura Fine “did the work of fighting the demons that only a demon himself could have done to her” and “all I have done is love her as she has loved me. Her life is now surrounded by love, laughter and our family. This horrific chapter is forever put behind us, and we will not be making additional statements,” Fine said. “We appreciate all of the love and support we have received, and we ask that you respect our privacy as we welcome our son into a world that is now safer because of his mom.”

his response didn’t center himself.
he didn’t grab the spotlight or play the savior.
he spoke about his wife in such a beautiful way.

“Cassie saved Cassie.”

not only that,
he has ALL the smoke for the jackal that tried to break her.
to me,
that’s masculinity,
respect,
and strength without ego.

i don’t know the ins and outs of their marriage.
i’m not here to romanticize what i don’t live.
what’s clear is this:

He stood by her.
He put a ring on it without the glitz and glam.
He fathered their kids.
He held space when her world was on fire and never made it about himself.

that’s the kind of energy i want in a partner.
a wolf who stands with me and honors my power too.
that + physical attraction + passionate sex =

“oh hey Foxhole!
i’m having my first kid with my manz via surrogate.
baby shower deets coming soon.”
so here’s my prayer:

May that kind of loyalty and quiet strength find me,
in a wolf who feels like home,
but still makes my heart race like a storm’s rolling in.

amen.