i remember when jtrusty was pounding that white fox in the parking garage.

i always assumed joshua aka @jtrusty was into the white meat more.
every single sex video i have seen with him,
he has been with a white male.
i think he was dating (married?) the same one he was sharing an OF relationship with.
so when one of the F-BI sent me this:

because of this photo-shoot with @ajboardraye…

i once met a wolf so fine,
he could’ve made me cum with no hands.
he was into me,
but like,
“into me into me”.
while he tried to get to know me,
iwas busy imagining him deep inside me.
needless to font,
i missed the whole plot due to my trauma and what life trained me to do.

lately,
i’ve been thinking about wolves.
(when am i not?)
one question keeps looping in my head from past experiences…

i’ve been playing “the last of us 2” as one of my friends watches.
i had so many question about the last season of the show,
“the last of us“.
the first game came with my ps4 and i loved it.
when the sequel came out…

…i was pretty excited but BOY,
where the opinions i started hearing about it were bleak.

When I asked other I know about it,
they told me how terrible it was because of how they handed Joel.

whew.
i actually got my “a-ha” moment with that sentence above.
so I didn’t play it off of what I was hearing but not only that:

We have to play as a character named Abby that gave Joel his fate for his actions.

don’t even get me started on the alleged transphobia in regards this vixen.
i think it’s because you have to play as her afetr what happened and people were upset.
that was the big “fuck this game” because of what happened to joel.
interestingly enough,
as i’ve learned abby’s backstory while playing,
i’m going on record to font that as much as Joel was my Zaddy…

What if masculinity wasn’t what we were taught to admire?
What if it was something quieter,
steadier,
and far more powerful?

when someone loves us for who we are,
not for our highlight reels,
not for our past,
and not for who they want us to be but:

The real,
unfiltered,
and sometimes ugly us.

yes,
the ugly us.
the one underneath the filters.
the one that has the demons and the insecurities.
when they don’t flinch or are embarrassed at our flaws.
the one who don’t play bout you and will square up if someone disrespects you.

You better hold on to them.
Tight. AF

i used to believe masculinity lived in the gym.
it was big biceps,
played sports,
and an intimidating stare.
some males,
sure,
but i’ve learned:

Just because someone looks like a man,
that doesn’t mean they act like one.

muscles don’t equal depth; a scowl doesn’t make you safe.
masculinity is not a role we play,
a script we memorize,
or photos we post.
it’s how we show up for ourselves and our loved ones,
especially when no one’s watching.
i thought about this when alex fine spoke out after cassie’s testimony yesterday…

last night on random,
i ended up in a group chat with a bunch of people.
i knew a few people but my only intent was to join and listen.
a fine AF wolf was in there that caught my eye.
i def wasn’t going to speak but that felt like the old me.
so he started talking about something that was bothering him.
something we have fonted about on the Foxhole many times.
it was about a gay jackal who couldn’t take no for an answer.
this gay jackal was on legit stalker mode with this wolf.
something urged me to type:

“Yeah,
I don’t get why people can’t respect other people’s boundaries.
No one is attracted to this kind of behavior.
Even if someone was attracted to them,
it would be a turn off heavy.”

that was it.
i said my peace and went back to lurking in the shadows.
then…

i only really understood my mother when she was on her deathbed.
before that,
i was a rebellious teenager.
in her final months,
we finally talked and i apologized for pushing her away.
lately,
my older cousin has been sharing stories about my mother.
i didn’t just inherit her features; i have her rebellious spirit too.
we started talking about my grandmother and i opened up about the abuse she put me through.
i was always afraid to tell anyone but my cousin actually listened.
he said something that stuck with me…