i asked a friend that question today.

“When did the shift happen in your life?”

it didn’t come from spiritual twitter or seeing angel numbers.
for me:

It wasn’t the death of my mother.
It wasn’t Work Wolf or WW3.
It wasn’t the fallouts with “friends”.

nope…

It was my apartment.

a den that once held peace now felt like a battleground.

The shift for me started one night,
earlier this year,
around 2 a.m…

it had to be about 3 months ago.
i was laying in bed,
staring at the wall,
and thinking about everything i’ve endured.
more than that…

I thought about how much I gave.

and the then it hit me:

Maybe I let myself down by continuing to give to people who had no idea what they were holding.

it reminded me of that song from gnarls barkley:

“I remember when i lost my mind…”

there is something so pleasant about that place except this wasn’t losing my mind.
this was finding it.
under the rubble and beneath the noise.
after the straw that finally broke my inner people pleaser’s back.
it’s the moment i stopped chasing approval and started choosing peace.
even if that peace comes in pieces,
we still pick it over pretending and perfectionism.
of all the bullshit,
the battles,
and the bitch ass males,
it was this apartment shit that changed everything.
for the life of me,
i can’t put into font why but what i do know:

There’s nowhere left to go but up.

not because everything’s fixed but because:

I’m finally done carrying what was never mine to begin with.

lowkey: until someone is ready to change,
they won’t.
some people have to want to change or get fucked over enough into doing so.