flood my hole (literally)

i didn’t get any sleep last night…

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why aren’t you being honest?

i was fonting with one of my dear best friends today in texts.
she asked me:

that question always made me nervous.
i got caught up in trying to impress her.
i always saw her as having it together but i am always a mess.
so i always wanted to look like i was doing something even if i wasn’t.
i was always full of excuses because i would do that when i was younger.
so my answer to her question… Continue reading “why aren’t you being honest?”

us vs the idiots

…buuuuuuuuuut on the flip side,
i’m glad i don’t fit it because it has worked in my favor.
see here is the thing.

While everyone is following The Idiots around,
I get to move like a fox in the shadows.

i watch the idiots fuckin’ up and learn from their mistakes.
i saw how they desperately want to get in the hen house.
they go through the front; i go through the back.
my advice to everyone who doesn’t fit…

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you are never going to accept me so i surrender

I tried to be kind.
Didn’t work.
I tried to be a friend.
Didn’t work.
I tried to be straight.
Didn’t work.
I tried to be gay.
Didn’t work.
I will always be a fox trapped in a cage.

 i learned very early that i will always be “a problem“.
i will always be picked apart and told to be like others to succeed.
others get to speak up for themselves but when i do it:

i was taught that i am the issue.
if i was just like all the other boys,
i’d be better.
i’d get to live a great life.
i would get all the likes and the comments.
i would be invited first.
i wouldn’t get talked about behind my back ever.
so what did i do?..

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the jackal ate my face

I liked him because I was secretly attracted to him.
He identifies as “straight” but with me,
he was different.
The vixens he dates don’t even get the same treatment as me.
One day,
he fires off on another gay male and calls him a “f@ggot”.
I call him out and he says:

“He isn’t like you tho.
You don’t act like them.”

…which makes me feel like I was special to him.
One day in the future,
we get into a fight and he calls me a “f@ggot”.
After he tries to ruin my reputation while weaponizing my sexuality.
You try to speak to him again but he blocks you on everything.
But… but… I thought I was different!

I am friends with her.
She tells me about all her other friend’s business and issues.
She talks about everyone behind their backs but does it in a charismatic way.
I think because she is sharing this with me and we are close,
I am a special snowflake with her.
I found out she had been talking about me to the same friends.
She has been telling people that I am into another male,
who happens to be straight,
and weaponizes my sexuality about a “straight male”.
She and the same friends turn on me and assign me as the

But…but… I thought I was different!

these are two jackals that ate my face.
it means i was dumb enough to think i was different with the jackals.
these are some other examples from others i know…

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living your worst life in the post-pandemic era

…”feel like God is still with me”.
so #weoutside again.
the parties are lit and the brunches are plentiful.
i’m sure each one of us has been to a concert this year.
many of us waited patiently,
or impatiently,
to get back out there once the pandemic was over.
there are many who haven’t returned to this new normal.
in fact,
it brought us further into a peril where we suffer silently.
one thing we aren’t fontin’ enough about

Continue reading “living your worst life in the post-pandemic era”