last night,
during the intro of “euphoria”,
something happened where i went:

“mmm.
this is too good to be true.”

it was about one of characters as a kid,
their mama met a potential step daddy,
and he was buying expensive shit to make her happy.
i was judging him,
waiting for the other shoe to drop,
when my friend said…

i guess,
when i think about it,
i have learned a lot since i left new yawk.
it made me wonder:

was moving here actually a test?

earlier last week at work,
i could sense my boss wasn’t in the greatest of moods.
that might be a cancer thing where we sense emotions well,
but i believe my senses have been heightened with all i been dealing with.
he snapped at me over something trivial,
but since he owns the business,
that trivial fuck up means a lot to him.
instead of snapping back,
or explaining myself like the young fox used to do when he got in trouble:

apologized for the trivial fuck up
immediately shut the fuck up and let him talk
let him have his time to stabilize their emotions
went back to scrolling the nets when he went back to his office

on friday,
he came up to me and did something i didn’t see coming…

in many instances,
each and any of us are the drama.
there are people who look at like like:

“damn,
they always got some shit going on.”

we all have issues,
crazy,
quirks,
and kinks.
we have all done shit that we could be judged heavily for.
i watched a movie called,
“the drama“,
and Foxhole:

IT WAS SO GOOD.

without giving it away,
“the drama” was one of the characters revealing “the worst thing they ever did”.
what they admitted was a doozy but personally,
i wouldn’t have reacted so harshly.
i have emotional intelligence and would at least need more context for the “why?”.
everyone ain’t me tho.
while all the other characters admitted to doing things much worse,
they took turns dog piling on the character who shared their truth.
this bitch:

…being the “everyone else“.
the movie made me think of when you’re asked to tell your truth…

i managed to save up a whole stack so far.
i’m trying to be on the next thing smoking,
sooner than later.
if i can get 3k in the next 2 months,
i’m gonna put down my security deposit on my own place.

i was trying to be in The Foxhole this week,
find my rhythm again,
but it gets difficult when you’re staying with a chaos agent (maybe i’ll nickname them that)
this week was yet another installment of:

“the jordan peele movie that i didn’t know i was casted in”

the latest drama was them losing the whole apartment…

a wolf slid me his number yesterday.
i had spoken to him on the phone at work and he sounded cute.
like,
really cute.
usually,
that is not the case with some males on the phone.
anyway,
the part that got me was when he said…

“jamari…
i know you are upset but you have got to stop letting this take over your emotions.
i’m gonna help you turn this all around…”

that was someone i’ve met here that i word-vomitted to.
they could tell i was up to my wits end with it all.
so they said in font earlier today…