i know ^this faith but i don’t know the other one.
i was not taught to have faith in life.
i don’t truly know how to “do it” and i get anxiety trying to do it.
anytime all hell breaks loose in my life,
i run to fear and worry.
that has always felt more comfortable than trusting God.
it is what i was taught.
i grew up as a jehovah’s witnesses child…
after i first saw “mr and mrs smith” ,
i said to myself:
“I want to meet someone to have the kind of chemistry Brad and Angelina had.”
the chemistry and sexual tension dripped through the screen.
it was the looks they gave each other and the energy between them…
like the wolves i met shortly after that i had the same chemistry with,
it wasn’t enough to keep brad and angelina together either.
when i heard they were remaking it into a show,
my ears were already perked.
“Donald Glover and Maya Erskine – who I done never heard of.”
it was an interesting casting choice for a movie that had two of the sexiest stars.
i just saw the teaser trailer for the show and…
one of my biggest fears use to be getting abused.
i knew i wasn’t strong and would probably go back if i really loved him.
thank God i got my tail in therapy to work those kinks out.
Abuse isn’t just physical.
and emotional black eyes hurt just as worse.
i am very sensitive to seeing abuse.
there was a scene in the players club as a kid that traumatized me.
it was a vixen getting raped and beat up but behind a door.
( x it was this scene here )
i never watched this movie again off this scene alone.
a foxholer sent me the IG of aaron drew tonight.
aaron documented his abuse and this is very trigger warning ahead…
You are not straight if you are attracted to me but still dating vixens.
You are not straight if you fantasize about me while smashin’ vixens.
You are not straight if have sex with other males for money.
You are not straight if you are engaging with males for OF content.
You are not straight if you allow another man to give you oral or eat your cheeks.
…even if you’re FANTASIZING and we can see you’re hard as a rock btw.
no matter how much these males make excuses for it,
they are NOT straight.
no matter how much they try to avoid the dude they’re attracted to,
all while secretly still watching from the shadows,
they are NOT straight.
your straight card has been declined at that point and that is okay.
so let’s talk about the straight card…
so i just dropped episode 8,
it’s called “hey girl!“.
it really triggered me tbh.
i had to go back in time to a situation and relive how i was feeling.
it destroyed a friendship or what i thought was a friendship.
i don’t realize the shit i been through until i write this story.
here is a preview of episode 8…
i have learned the difference between emotions and logic.
emotions don’t allow us to play the long game.
it’s like pulling out a gun and shooting everyone but the target.
when we go into things with logic,
we are more than likely to see the bigger picture.
I use to be run by emotions but I’m learning to calm TF down.
some issues can be handled seeing it logically.
with this current war between isreal and palestine,
i learned that as a black person giving an opinion,
it’s a “damned if you do; damned if you don’t“.
i see why many black folks are just minding their business.
melissa barrera ( x got fired ) from one of my favorite horror franchises,
i don’t think spyglass,
the production company behind scream,
was thinking through this clearly cause…