Mister Red Riding Fox On The Way To The Club For A Big Bad Wolf….?

“You not meeting no Wolves cause you not on the scene!”

Spoken through my phone by Star Fox.
I shuddered at the thought of going to a gay club.
But his sentence stuck with me.
I often wondered how much that is true?
I always wondering how does one meet a Wolf if they aren’t actively making a name for themselves.
But at the same time, the name you make on the scene is always filled with rumors and drama.
You go out and meet a Wolf….
…. but is it just a temporary good time… with all your business on Front Street?
That mofo will have the whole club knowing he fucked the shit out of you… literally.
I had to ask….

How do you successfully get on the scene without actually being on it?

I got a call today from a Jackal about some messy industry drama.
One of which made me happy I wasn’t on the scene.
It seems that an up and coming singer likes to find himself going to gay clubs within the city.
He isn’t from here so he is lost in the world of easy cheeks and quick head.
He thinks wearing shades inside the club draws attention AWAY from him.
Sadly, it has completely done the opposite.
He got into an altercation last weekend with a Hyena he fucked.
That Hyena basically claimed he was done dirty.
The Hyena started calling him “Miss”, as in most typical gay fights.
The singer replied that he was also done dirty by the Hyena….
….on his sheets.


The typical answer by most Wolves.

My question is: Why did this even happen?

You are a fuckin’ singer!
You should be as low key as possible.
You have already made a name for yourself on the scene and burned a few bridges.
When they see you on television more,
the more the gossip will start to flow.

I notice every time muthafuckas move to NY, it is the same story.
They get here and become club rats.
It is a world of night life, fucking, and drugs.


They spend all their money in the lifestyle that they end up having to move back home.
Either with their tail between their legs OR with a disease (pick one or all).
I choose nowadays to pick my industry outings wisely,
but I’m usually in the crib.

I started to wonder about being out there and running wild in “Gay City”.
Is it wise to even be out there?
If not, how does a discreet person actually meet someone?
Chat sites are messy,
clubs are drama,
and bad people will out all your shit in a conversation.
Why is it I can go on MyVidster and read a complete run down of someone?
Why should I know you were an escort, broke, diseases, or even what state you live in?
Why is it I can just ask someone your name I know all your business?
Is it just wise to hang with straight folks until we get lucky?
Or, do we just continue to sign up and go out in hopes of getting lucky?
It is all very confusing that I started to wonder…

Where o’ where do the discreet Wolves, Hybrids, and Foxes go?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

27 thoughts on “Mister Red Riding Fox On The Way To The Club For A Big Bad Wolf….?

  1. Jamari, help me out here. I know from your posts that you are very discreet. This question is for you and anybody else who might comment. Would you say most brothers who subscribe to this site and post on here are closeted? I ask that because I would think as much progress as we have made that most of the brothers on here would be comfortable with their sexuality, but some of the posts suggest that people are still not comfortable with people knowing what’s up. Now, if folk are very young and in small towns, I can understand. But, in 2012, I tend to think that people would be much more comfortable. Maybe, my thinking is because I am in a major city that is very liberal. Also, my friends tend to be out (as in comfortable with themselves) and at the top of their respective fields — partners in law firms, principals of their companies, etc., and people know what’s up with them. This is in no way a put down on anybody on here. I think most brothers who have sex with other brothers are closeted, and very many who hang out in gay clubs probably would not label themselves as gay. Having said that, however, I have to wonder how are you guys meeting all of these messy people. When I think of all the advances we have made, I have to ask: has it come to this? Unless you’re using women as beards, don’t you think people might be wondering anyway?

    I know you are shy about approaching people. I would suggest you go about your business, going wherever you might wish — art exhibit opening, concert, grocery store, the gym, simply walking down the street. Should you see someone interesting, take a deep breath and speak. As long as you don’t say something suggestive, there shouldn’t be any problem, then take it from there. As a rule, if I don’t sense any mutual interest, I leave it alone. There’s an old say: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    1. ^i feel a lot of readers who comment come from various places in their lives.

      I know a lot of DL read and use this site as a place to feel comfortable.
      I get a lot of messages from people who thank me for writing because I speak to them about what they go through.
      I serve as an outlet for them to get more comfortable.

      Funny enough,
      this is what i do in real life to confused Wolves I meet every time.
      They see me as someone who is “safe”.

      Messy people,
      for me,
      are in the industry.
      A lot of gays are in there.
      They are all sloppy and confused.
      I enjoy the show,
      but I do not cast myself as an extra.

    2. The year and “advances in society” have nothing to do with the fact, some people just don’t want people to know who they sleep with. Frank Ocean is a perfect example; his deciding to disclose that he was in love with a man was a personal choice. One for himself. I’m no more interested in disclosing my sexuality now than I was before he so eloquently posted to tumblr.

      I personally do not want to be defined by, identified by or referred to by who i choose to sleep with. Different people have their own reasons and whether the next person understands it or not, you respect it. Thats why we have so many lives ruined because the next person “can’t understand” why someone is the way they are and take it into their own hands to change it. IT ISN’T FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND. MIND UR OWN AND KEEP IT MOVING. (not you personally.)

      1. And I’m extremely comfortable with my sexuality by the way. And with telling those close enough to me to share.

      2. I feel what you’re saying. I’m cool with my sexually as well I just don’t want to tell people. I’m cool with living my life discreet for the rest of my life actually.

  2. Discreet dudes tend to keep to themselves until they are around a dude they suspect of being down. So those guys are hard to spot sometimes, especially if they are shy and introverted. All I do is hope I get lucky. Dating sites and gay clubs are not the biz for me.

    1. Understood…that’s why I suggested going about the normal routine and, upon seeing someone interesting, taking a deep breath and simply speaking. You might be able to get a vibe from the way the person responds. If he doesn’t, no harm done…keep stepping. Depending on how he responds, if he does, take it from there. I’m shy, too. But, I know nothing ventured, nothing gained.

      1. I feel you Old Head. But it is not as simple as you make it sound. I, too, live in a large liberal area and I fit the profile that Man just mentioned. I do not flaunt my sexuality, and don’t feel the need to share it with everyone, You wouldn’t know unless I told you. I suppose it all boils down to who you are as a person. I’ve always been a private person, and probably always will be.

  3. Jamari, this post could not be more right on time for me. A couple of weeks ago, against my better judgement, I went to this big gay party, it was a lot of out of town people, and not the usual tired brokedown messy punks that make up my city, and I ended up having a good time. Well fast forward about a week after this function, I get a call from a family member who ask me about the function, and was I at this spot. I was like literally at a lost for words, and did not really respond. Well it seems that it was a messy fox who recognized me from seeing me on the family members Facebook page, he was at the function and proceeded to tell my family member that I was checking him out and he had a big crush on me. By no means was I checking this ratchet queen out as I did not even know who he was. I was so livid and upset that I was outed indirectly, I never really confirmed my presence at the event to this family member, but I was ready to lay hands on this dude. I was like why in the hell could he not say something to me at the event, instead of running his mouth. He had the nerve to send my family members pics and ask for a introduction. I would never say anything to anyone so messy, so he has blew any chance of me ever wanting to meet him on any level. I am very discreet with my personal life and have never discussed my business with any of my family. Its the typical “dont ask and im not telling” scenario that plays out in most Black families when you are not a loud, finger popping lip smacking queen.

    Now I really do not want to even attend any more gay club functions. I usually just attend private house parties where I know the type of dudes who will be there and stay clear of the gay scene because of messy antics like what happened to me. It seems like if you carry yourself like a man and dont entertain messy punk bullshit, you are a target.

      1. That has happened to me Tajan.
        True story ahead…..
        I was fooled by this lesbian into going to a “party”.
        I was like 19 and verrrrrrrrrrrry new to scene.
        She told me to come with her so I could meet dudes to hang with.
        I get in there and niggas was vogueing, wearing the curtains as dresses, and acting extremely queeny.
        I thought I was in another world!
        They spotted me and all those queens wanted to eat me for lunch.
        Asking me very personal questions,
        trying to find a way to fuck me,
        and could tell I was nervous.
        They were all over me and it made me so uncomfortable.
        I left 10 minutes after I got in there.
        l started to cry on the way home in my car.
        I asked her if this is what being “gay” was like because I am NOT that person.
        She assured me that it wasn’t.

        Well,
        This one fat Hyena that was at the party,
        Every time he saw me in public,
        He would always cat call and try to call me out.
        I nearly fought that nigga one day.
        I was about to rock em; sock em in this food court.
        Because of that,
        It has scorned me and made me very uncomfortable.
        So I just stay away from the mess.

        I have never been comfortable to be on the scene because it is always some bullshit.
        I always wish I could meet people who are just like me,
        but it is very hard.

      2. See that’s why I don’t attend events like that because I would have to steal off if some dude tried some shit like that in public.

  4. …and i thought i was the only one who didn’t like to go to the clubs and such.

    I am not on the DL at all but I am very discreet due to the fact that I am making a name for myself and people are starting to figure out who I am.

    I think that you have to REALLY sniff out the people around you. Not to be limited with the gay folks, but with people in general.

    People LOVE to get dirt off of other people, hence why reality shows are SO popular.

    I never had a bad experience like some of you guys, but I learned to keep a very low profile and not to be seen in the clubs and balls. I don’t keep a lot of gay friends.

    Sure I like to kick it at the bar or go see a show at the club every once in a blue moon, and those times are VERY rare. Other times if I find myself at a club, it’s business.

    I keep everyone at a distant and I don’t give my number out to everyone. If I meet a dude off of a social media, I don’t spill all of my business. I might talk to dude once or twice before his number is considered inactive.

    Long story short, I stay focus but I am blessed to say that I do have friends, people who genuinely care about me and have seen me at my worse.

    Some guys fear me already because they are afraid that I might slap a nude/naked picture on the site, but honestly I don’t believe in that. I actually had a dude tell me that one day.Now if that pic was found on tumblr..

    1. ^lol
      I agree.
      This should really not be limited to gays because I have seen straights do some wretched things to each other.
      I feel it is enhanced within the lifestyle,
      But everyone just needs to learn to keep some things personal.

  5. I am a discreet man as well; let me weigh in. I think that we all know that going to clubs and such is not the move. There will always be a “hyena” who’s mad and ready to make you miserable too. Remember, misery LOVES company! There is this openly gay dude at my job who was so upset about the Frank Ocean thing. He was mad that it was getting so much attention. He felt that nobody should care, which is partly correct, but he was upset that people were “celebrating” Frank Ocean. Now, to me, this suggested that my co-worker maybe didn’t get a warm response to his coming out and he felt that everyone who comes out should get the same non-affirming response that he did. These type of men have concluded that men who are discreet are their enemy and weak because they don’t seemingly have the balls to come out.

    Give me a break…

    The best way to meet other discreet men is through other discreet men. We typically know cliques (whether we’re in them or not) of discreet men. If that does’t work, then go with Old Head’s advice about the gym, market, church, street fairs, etc… Mind you, sometimes that method is flawed because some men know how to pretend to be discreet. That’s why you have to scope out a person for awhile. See them in different environments and get a good idea of their character. Usually it doesn’t take long to figure out if someone is on your level, but TAKE YOUR DAMN TIME!!! Be in such a rush to wife a dude.

    1. “Mind you, sometimes that method is flawed because some men know how to pretend to be discreet.”

      I could not agree with you more. I have seen it firsthand. Then, when they get around their friends…

    2. I think it’s very possible to be discreet and enjoy the club scene. You just have to watch how involved you are.

      I have a close set of friends. When we go out together, we stick by each other the entire time. We dance together and sometimes dance with others, but we never ever go to the club to hookup with others.

      That’s where most discreet dudes fuck up. They go to the club with the sole purpose of hooking up. Before long, they develop a name for themselves.

  6. I’ve gone to clubs with friends with no problem. It’s possible to be active in the lifestyle without having your name drug through the mud. You do that by not making enemies, watching who you associate with, and keeping your business to yourself. It’s really that simple.

    The only people who ever know who I’ve slept with are myself and that individual. Usually, they’re just as particular about their business as myself.

  7. TO HELL WITH THIS LIFESTYLE IM TURNING STRAIGHT , CUZ IM REALLY FEELING THAT I GET MORE GURLS THAN GUYS, I GOT FRIEND OF MINE WHO IS TALKING WITH AN EX COLLEAGUE OF MINE AND THIS MAN CLAIMS THAT HE IS STRAIGHT , EVEN KNOW I KNOW LOT BOUT HIM AND THAT HE IS A GAY GUY AFRAID TO ACCEPT WHO HE REALLY IS , AND HE HAVE THE GUTS TO CALL ME BI, IM TELLING YOU I WAS BOUT TO HIT THAT NIGGA ON THE FACE,

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