Frank Ocean’s Honest Admission of How He Gives No Fucks

My Scorpio Love Child gave his statement…

Whoever you are, where ever you are, I’m starting to think we’re a lot alike. Human beings spinning on blackness. All wanting to be seen, touched, heard, paid attention to. My loved ones are everything to me here. In the last year or three, I’ve screamed at my creator, screamed at clouds in the sky for some explanation. Mercy maybe. For peace of mind to rain like Manna somehow.

Four summers ago, I met somebody. I was 19 years old; he was too. We spent that summer, and the summer after, together. Everyday almost. And on the days we were together, time would glide. Most of the day I’d see him and his smile. I’d hear his conversation and his silence until it was time to sleep. Sleep I would often share with him. By the time I realized I was in love, it was malignant. It was hopeless. It was no escaping, no negotiating with the feelings. No choice. It was my first love. It changed my life.

Back then, my mind would wander to the women I had been with, the ones I cared for and thought I was in love with. I reminisced about the sentimental songs I enjoyed when I was a teenager. The ones I played when I experienced a girlfriend for the first time. I realized they were written in a language I did not yet speak. I realized too much too quickly. Imagine being thrown from a plane. I wasn’t in a plane though. I was in a Nissan Maxima, the same car I packed up with bags and drove to Los Angeles in.

I sat there and told my friend how I felt. I wept as the words left my mouth. I grieved for them, knowing I could never take them back for myself. He patted my back. He said kind things. He did his best. But he wouldn’t admit the same.

He had to go back inside soon. It was late and his girlfriend was waiting for him upstairs. He wouldn’t tell me the truth about his feelings for me for another three years. I felt like I only imagined reciprocity for years. Now imagine being thrown from a cliff. No, I wasn’t on a cliff. I was still in my car telling myself it was gonna be fine and to take deep breaths. I took the breaths and carried on. I kept up a peculiar friendship with him because I couldn’t imagine keeping up my life without him. I struggled to master myself and my emotions. I wasn’t always successful.

The dance went on…I kept the rhythm for several summers after. It’s winter now. I’m typing this on a plane back to Los Angeles from New Orleans. I flew home for another marred Christmas. I have a window seat. It’s December 27th, 2011. By now I’ve written two albums. This being the second. I wrote to keep myself busy and sane. I wanted to created worlds that were rosier than mine. I tried to channel overwhelming emotions. I’m surprised at how far all of it has taken me.

Before writing this, I told some people my story. I’m sure these people kept me alive, kept me safe…sincerely, these are the folks I want to thank from the floor of my heart. Everyone of you knows who you are….

Great humans, probably angels. I don’t know what happens now, and that’s alright.

I don’t have any secrets I need kept anymore. There’s probably some small shit still, but you know what I mean. I was never alone, as much as I felt like it. As much as I still do sometimes. I never was. I don’t think I ever could be. Thanks.

To my first love, I’m grateful for you. Grateful that even though it wasn’t what I hoped for and even though it was never enough, it was. Some things never are…and we were. I won’t forget you. I won’t forget the summer. I’ll remember who I was when I met you. I’ll remember who you were and how we’ve both changed and stayed the same. I’ve never had more respect for life and living than I have right now.

Maybe it takes a near death experience to feel alive. Thanks.

To my mother, you raised me strong. I know I’m only brave because you were first, so thank you! All of you, for everything good. I feel like a free man. If I listen closely, I can hear the sky falling too.


…. and he gave absolutely no fucks to what anyone would think.
I Love You Mister Frank Ocean.
You got some bodyguards in the Foxhole if anybody want it.

ETA: I love how supportive everyone is.
no hate.
all love.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

54 thoughts on “Frank Ocean’s Honest Admission of How He Gives No Fucks”

  1. Well damn. He made it all kinds of clear now didn’t he. Fearless as hell. This will be interesting.

  2. That story has bottom written all over it. Sounds very much like that story from the last foxmail, except he seemed to find some kind of closure.

    1. where did you get “bottom” from in this eloquent, pouring out his heart letter? And what’s your point in trying to pinpoint him as a bottom? sounds like you see something in the letter that reflects your life….IJS

      1. Wrong! Actually, I don’t understand where he’s coming at all. I was simply pointing out that his story happens to be very similar to that of the last email someone sent Jamari and so many others who allowed themselves to fall for emotionally unavailable men w/ gfs…and yes they all happened to be bottoms or beta males.

        Not that serious.

  3. I’m so proud of him for coming out and I think that his story is very touching. It lets us know that the people in the entertainment industy are human too. He sounds like he was he was hurting for a long time, and his first love must have been one hell of a good dude. After writing this he should pray,(if he already hasn’t) but not because he came out, but because of his career and how hard it is going to be for him. When he was in odd future didn’t they use homophobic slurs in their music? I believe they did, someone correct me if I’m wrong. It’s a day and age where people can be very harsh to homosexuals, especially when they are contradicting themselves. Either way I’m still proud of him and I will still listen to his music. I can admit that it will be hard for me to listen to him sing about other men in his music, but only because I’m not used to it.

    S/N: It doesn’t matter whether he’s a Fox, Hybrid, or Wolf. We should respect him right now.

  4. Cute story. I can appreciate his creativity in how he wrote it. I’m not a fan of him or his music but good for him for talking about having an emotional thing for another man. Part of me wonders if that experience will have this disclaimer of being a one-time thing. If he will smooth it over with explainations of how he dates women consistently now. Where we wont get videos or songs about his feelings towards men with the same consistency as ones make about fysh. I recognize that my prejudice towards ‘bisexual’ men is probably why I feel this way though.

    1. Lmfao….Your are not moved by this at all. But I don’t think he will play this off as a phase since he has wrote songs on his new album about his feelings for men and actually took the courage to do this. I wonder too though if he will he be consistent with this in his videos and what not…And you may not like his music, but as a pretty good writer your self you must admit that the man has a way with words. I Miss You is my favorite song like ever.

      1. I really am not impressed by this. I can appreciate his words and creativity and bravery and can relate to falling for an unavailable man. However when he mentioned the part about his past girlfriends I was thinking: there it is. The disclaimer. The ‘let me make sure they don’t get me wrong.’ The part about ‘bisexual’ men that tends to annoy me. They make sure to appease straight men by mentioning that they’re still into vagina as to not get completely written off.

      2. @Vain
        I think it was to appease his female fans more because they are his core audience, and one of the major if not core thing that a female wants in a male R&B artist is the possibility to fuck him and him be fuckable to her…Plus, I saw it more so a part of his story because it was genuinely a shock to him to have these feelings for a man, when he was used to being with a women…versus someone like me who has never partaken in the pussy parade so my feelings for a man was never a shock.

  5. That’s a brave man to put his thoughts out there so openly, especially in the macho-obsessed rap world. That was a beautiful letter. I read that shit twice. Thanks for posting it Jamari!


  6. This is the honesty more artists need to give the public. I respect that he was just honest about the entire situation. Especially considering that fact that it was a bromance transitioned in a romance for him. He even stated that he was in love with the dude. I respect his courage, because we all know how it feels to love someone not ready to love you just yet.

    I hope that we all just support this man, I about tot see if I can preorder his LP. FOXES UNITE!!

  7. This is a big moment for hip hop and the black community. They will either accept and embrace him with open arms or reject him and show their true colors. And whats wrong with bisexual men Vain?? If you like dick ass and vagina there’s nothing wrong with that. It is what it is

    1. I’m not saying they should stop being bisexual. People are allowed to do as they please. I don’t care for bisexual men because from my experiemce they don’t really treat the homosexual side of themselves the same as the hetero side. They discount men as more of a scratch to itch. A sexual thing. A moment. They often give vagina the serious, emotional, and all around committed side of themselves. Long term visions of their life are often painted with images of children, two car garages in their centerhall colonials. This leads me to believe that they view homosexuality as not being something of value or at least not one equal to the idea sold to us by the hegemonic majority. This has been a common thread amongst the ones I’ve encountered.

      1. That may be true but it’s not all their fault. Society has brainwashed us into believing that homosexuality is a sin. And most of our parents believe we are just going through a ‘phase’. They are probably afraid of their true feelings and choose to hide behind the safety of a warm vagina and an accepted lifestyle but on the inside they are hurting and wishing they had the courage to go after what they truly want.

      2. @TheMan

        I have to agree with Vain heavily, all the bi-sex men i have encountered are the same way…they want the female wifee, but wanna fuck a nigga on the side. And soon as they feel they are developing feelings for a guy all hell breaks loose. Bi-sexual men are sometimes just not worth the hassle.

  8. Devil’s Adv to an extent, but from reading it more than once I just don’t pick up a Bi vibe at all. Yeah the ‘gfs’ part was tossed in there, but this just read as he’s straight up gay to me. I think the whole Bi is PR at this point.

  9. Hello everyone. Let me first say that I LOVE your site Jamari and this is my first time commenting. I am so proud of Frank Ocean for admitting that he is gay (not that I feel we have an obligation tell people our sexual orientation). Being a gay black man can be very tough especially within our community. I applaud him for not being afraid to say who he really is regardless of the consequences that may arise. He has a fan in me…and I cant wait to cop his album.!!! Have a great holiday my fellow foxes and wolves!!

  10. “I believe Jehovah Jireh
    I believe there’s heaven, I believe in war
    I believe a woman’s temple
    Gives her the right to choose but baby don’t abort
    I believe that marriage isn’t
    Between a man and woman but between love and love
    And I believe you when you say that you’ve lost all faith
    But you must believe in something, something, something
    You gotta believe in something, something, something”
    Im proud of him, he is a brave man…. hope more things like this happen to give other courage to come out…

  11. This is so surreal to me. I’ve always had the biggest crush on this dude, been a fan since Novacane.

  12. Too bad he’s Black, now watch the Black community drive this kid to suicide with their hateful, vindictive, spiteful ways…..Both Heteros & Homos. You have a few Homos from the Black community in this thread already taking shots towards him in terms of his Bisexuality (the straight side of him) & you have Black Heteros taking shots at him do to the fact he messes with the same sex (the Gay side of him). Bisexual men have it hard in the Black Community, they take heat from both sides. Black people tear everyone down, like I said too bad he isn’t another Race.

    1. That’s why it takes a lot of courage to do what he did. Fuck what the community thinks of him because he is still going to live his life and get his money

      1. That easier said in then done, you do realized he’s in the Hip Hop genre control mainly by homophobic, sexiest, alpha Black males….If its hard for females rappers imagine how its going to be for bisexual male rapper. Not saying it can’t be done but I’m not expecting much at this point.

  13. Just reading the comments has reinforced the shit that annoys me most about homosexuals. You motherfuckers are so self-hating that it’s disgusting.

    This man. This man without an album. Without years of experience. Without a team. This man, new to the industry. New to the public and to the criticism. He has come forward and opened up something about himself that is UNHEARD of in Hip Hop and R&B. He’s done something that many of you on this very board CONTINUE to struggle with behind the comfort of your laptops and online personas. In a letter, he has RESHAPED an industry that has largely remained the same since its inception. And rather than thank him, or appreciate it, or to feel any ounce of optimism or positivity, we HAVE to nit pick. We HAVE to bring him down.

    Suddenly, he’s a bottom.
    Suddenly, he’s not gay enough.
    God forbid he’s ever had a relationship with a woman!
    God forbid he’s not a bottom! God forbid he actually be a top or a verse with actual feelings.

    Many of you, and I say this from a place of love and genuine concern, need to take a day and really re-evaluate yourselves. First you all criticize men in the industry who are closeted and perpetuate this image of the stereotypical heterosexual man and now you all have a man who does the complete opposite and speaks about nothing, BUT love and tolerance and it’s STILL not enough?

    Seriously. Get that shit together.

    1. Yeah I have to totally agree, I am a gay man and it’s disheartening to see other gay black men have such strong negative opinions of one another. Just because this man got these feeling out and very eloquently I might add, doesn’t make him a bottom. It doesn’t make him anything. You would think we’d all be supportive for him breaking ground in a part of the industry where this has never happened. He certainly has a way with words and that’s one thing I’ve loved about his music. I’m about to put on Nostaligia/Ultra RIGHT NOW!!!

    2. This is exactly what I was hinting act…I made a broader approach and directed it at the Black community as a whole. The world is watching to see how we, especially the Hip Hop community treats this kid. If they show hostility and harsh prejudice towards this kid, then they will be themselves held with the up most contempt across the world.

  14. I’m thankful for what he’s done. I admire the hell out of it. Because maybe, just maybe, this will change the industry and give little black boys around the world hope. Hope that they can be themselves and love themselves and still be whoever or whatever they want to be. Maybe, just maybe, the little boy or girl in Middleofnowhere, USA bumping a Frank Ocean mixtape can find it in themselves to be who they are and to be proud and not become a statistic because they have someone in popular media telling them it’s okay.

    I’m proud.

  15. No offense, but some of guys are already dick riding him like he’s going to be a gay advocate.

    No where did I read he was gay or even bisexual.
    No where did I even read he had sex with this man.
    No where did it say he would fall for/date a man again.

    We don’t know what his views are on sexuality at all really.

    You may want to pump your brakes before you make him the face of black homos because the letter was vague for a reason.

    Damn it’s not that serious…to me at least.

    1. To me, that’s not the point. I’d prefer they don’t make him “the gay singer” regardless of whether he is or isn’t. To me, the important piece of this ENTIRE thing is that doing what he’s done, whatever that is, has opened the door for the conversation and THAT is what I’m speaking about.

      And I don’t know whether or not you listen to his music, but he’s already made his views on a lot of things known, including sexuality.

      1. Random that what he is now. Black people rarely make a distinction between gay and bisexual. You’re gay to them.

        For men in particular (especially black), image and perception is everything. You think a straight man or someone who wants to be perceived as straight is going to be seen buying his album? You think a straight man or a man that wants to be perceived as straight is going to put his album on when he’s with a date in a car or at home?

        Now black women are going to be cutting their eyes at any man jamming his music too hard.

        Sad but true. Anyone who says I’m lying is out of touch with reality period.

      2. I take issue with pessimistic, negative people because it’s unproductive. What you call “keeping it real”, I call a slave mentality.

        So what if other people don’t make a distinction between bisexuality and homosexuality. Does that mean you can’t?

        I won’t sit here and speculate about who will and won’t be playing his music. I know plenty of straight men that ride to Frank Ocean and are still talking about buying his album.

        The point is, nothing bad has happened, yet the pessimism is running RAMPANT in this comment section.

        People on here can’t even give this man credit for living his truth without bringing some form of negativity into it. I refuse to keep people like that in my space.

    2. I’m with you on that Jay. I’m not sure what everyone is getting out of this? He didnt stand up and say he wanted to be the face of lgbt men. He just said he had a crush on a Guy once. Thanks all fine and dandy. I get crushes on guys too. Is it because he’s quasi-famous? Why is it that this whole coming out thing has to be the template for what it is to be same gender loving. What about those of us who lives our lives openly day in and day out? Why can’t that be held in the same regard as someone who spent part of their lives masking their sexuality and then no longer living a lie?

      1. I’m confused. What exactly does he owe you? Should he make a special section for all you homosexuals who’ve been running around for years waving your gay flags and pumping to Donna Summer?

        I just don’t quite understand.

        It’s significant because he’s a new artist who’s had a huge impact in the industry in the few short years in the music industry and he has openly alluded to an attraction to men and calls his first man his first love. Even in his letter, he makes mention of his previous girlfriends, but names this man, of all the women he’s dated before, his first love. It’s significant because of the industry he’s in. It’s significant because of how prominent homophobia is in Hip Hop and R&B. It’s significant because he’s a black man.

        Despite this, the only thing you all can concern yourselves with is his position in bed, whether or not he’s “authentically gay”, and why his “gay” is more prominent than your’s. Like, are you serious?

        It’s just ridiculous. More than ridiculous, it’s sad and disappointing. Reminds me of crabs in a barrel.

      2. And for the record, Frank Ocean has never ever said he was straight. Ever.
        And, for the record, none of you knew him prior to him becoming famous. So I don’t know what exactly you mean by him “living a lie”.

  16. Random I am with you all the way speak the real truth I love hearing someone with no judgement talk because it really makes your voice stand out that much more. Every gay or straight person is gonna have there own opinion on this Frank Ocean situation so I choose to only hear the positive opinions and not the negative ones. He spoke his truth in front of the world which most of the people with negative comments about him would never have the guts to do

  17. Never really heard of this dude until a couple of days ago. I check out his music and even bought his album. But his statement or declaration is very touching. I dont perceive him as any Gay Icon or new spoke person, I just appreciate it from the standpoint that expressed his truth at the time. Whether he still gets down or not is not important to me, Im just blown away that he would express his feelings in such a eloquent manner. His artistry may make another young person who is going through and confused about their feelings take a different look at themselves. I can remember being young and tormented and wondering why was I feeling this way about another dude and having no one to talk to or any one to identify with. I think if for nothing else his story is important in that regard. For him to express what so many before him could not in the black entertainment industry is groundbreaking and extraordinary in itself and shows how far we have come. I sincerely hope is not career suicide for him and the weight will not be too much for him to bare. I think there are many people smiling inside today that this young man has given us Independence to express our true selves. Happy INDEPENDENCE day to all.

  18. Reactions from several artists:

    Eric Benet “that ooh balls. Kudos 2u bruh!

    Shanell of Young Money “There’s nothing more freeing than self liberation. I salute you @frank_ocean #respectandlove

    Solange “I salute you, brave soul. Independence Day.”

    Wynter Gordon “Proud of Frank Ocean and his new found independence. Hope we all find our own.”

    Jake & Papa “Fran Ocean makes music that shifts us all. He could b attracted 2 giraffes 4 all I care, artistry is artistry! Quit judging, thats God’s job.”

    Raheem DeVaughn “His artistry is dope. Timeless music is not based on sexuality”

    Case “This is historic, courageous and necessary”

    JoJo “You just changed the game @frank_ocean. I respect you and love your work. The move you just made…so strong. sending all positive vibes.”

    Read more:

    1. Those comments were expected from those people. I hope everyone else In the industry reacts the same way.

  19. He kinda indirectly outed the dude from when he was 19, too. I’m sure people knew he was friends with F. Ocean before he blew up.

  20. he admits to falling in love with a man, yes. he didn’t say that he still fucks with men or find men attractive. he also states he had girlfriends and he just realized because of what he went thru that his first love was with a man, doesn’t mean it is gonna stay that way. he is an artist and a scorpio, i believe he is truly bi, much like PRINCE

  21. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

    No offense to anyone, but I am really not moved if an entertainer chooses to walk out of the closet, falls out of it, is pushed out of it, or remains in it. Depending on who it is, and how it happens, it may be an interesting story…but in the end, it is their personal life and unfortunately, in some cases, their career that they are putting on the line by “freeing” themselves.

    If I like the work, I will still listen to it. On a lighter note, more power to Frank for his brave action.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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