last night,
during the intro of “euphoria”,
something happened where i went:

“mmm.
this is too good to be true.”

it was about one of characters as a kid,
their mama met a potential step daddy,
and he was buying expensive shit to make her happy.
i was judging him,
waiting for the other shoe to drop,
when my friend said…

“damn,
you up here judging this nice man.
what kind of trauma have you been through?!”

when the intro concluded,
come to find out,
the wolf was the victim and the character’s mama was the villain.

“you was sitting up here,
judging him,
and look…”

i felt stupid AF.

this morning,
i get to work and i’m trying to get inside,
but the finger print reader was not working.
i did it a few times and nada.
so my mind went to panic mode:

“did i get fired?”
“what did i do?”
“maybe i messed up something and they let me go?”
“i just saw them on saturday so what could have happened???”

panic.
panic.
panic.
my boss ended up answering the door and asked me if i checked my texts.
i didn’t check my phone at all this morning.

“i sent you a message a half and hour ago asking if you wanted to come in at 1?
it’s pretty slow this morning so you could have the morning off.”

i felt stupid AF x 2.

it made me wonder if all the bad shit i have been through in life,
am i always on guard now?
are some of us cautious in seeing the good?
or has life just shown us that when we thought we were safe…

…we actually weren’t?

so now we look for the “mmm; too good to be true” in everything,
which can really make us feel untrustworthy of every experience in our lives.

maybe that isn’t the best way to live?