one of the last things my mother told me on her deathbed was:

“make sure you and your sister don’t get separated.
i want you both together.”

…and i tried.
if it wasn’t jackals circling her money,
it was relatives coddling her because she was “light skin”.

Foxhole,
it was a challenge.

i often wonder what our lives would have been like if we moved to florida?
we were supposed to go live with our uncle,
but tbh,
his life crashed and burned a few years later.
as my sister got older,
her mental health got worse and worse.
unfortunately,
we don’t have the kind of relationship my mother wanted for us.
she hits me up ever so often with “i’m gonna do better” DMS.
i don’t answer because she isn’t gonna do better.

i’ve been seeing a lot of discourse online about rue,
who is played by zendaya on “euphoria“.

people saying lexi was mean.
people saying her mother should have tried harder.
people saying they wanted a happier ending for rue.

mmm.

until you’ve loved someone struggling with addiction,
or severe mental health issues…

“euphoria” ended how it was supposed to end.
i don’t like how the final third season went at times,
because it almost felt like a completely different show.
nate jacobs in his humiliation ritual arc being the main one.

it felt like the creator of “euphoria”,
sam levinson,
cut nate’s balls off,
made him wear the dog outfit cassie had on,
and had him be his little bitch until he was euthanized.
along with that story line,
labrinth being cut from music (because he created a whole mood),
and jules being pretty useless,
i think the ending was pretty solid.
spoilers included…

would never have went to that bitch’s wedding.

…not after she played in my face after fucking my ex.
damn sure wouldn’t be helping improve her life either.

although she is vibe,
on season 3; episode 7 of “rain or shine” on “euphoria”,
maddy’s recent downfall was being too kind.

i felt that in my entire spirit.
by answering cassie’s DM to reconnect,
and going back to something that God removed her from,
maddy ended up losing A LOT.
i was expecting a whole revenge plot from maddy this season tbh.
she fell for the okey doke and cassie reminded her that she was still beneath her.

sometimes,
we need to tell that spirit of forgiveness and re-connection to…

last night,
during the intro of “euphoria”,
something happened where i went:

“mmm.
this is too good to be true.”

it was about one of characters as a kid,
their mama met a potential step daddy,
and he was buying expensive shit to make her happy.
i was judging him,
waiting for the other shoe to drop,
when my friend said…

nate.
cassie.
maddy.

like in real life,
we’ve seen a “nate” choose a “cassie” over a ‘maddy”.
“it ain’t gonna last” is what we always say/font and then:

we hear about them getting married,
having kids,
and/or leveling up.

it leaves us confused but as this weird season of “euphoria” unfolds,
that’s the only dynamic that has me paying attention.
it made me think about something i’ve seen play out in real life…

angus cloud from euphoria is a cutie.
like i said,
he actually looks like someone i use to know.
you know what i love?

Seeing people’s “Before”

the after is always good,
but it’s comforting to know folks were just like us when in the struggle.
YOU ARE THE NEXT BIG STAR IN SOMEONE’S LIFE.
“i use to know insert your name here“.
most big celebs were working regular jobs and grinding for the present.
a lot of manifestation is involved too but that’s another story.
there was a spot out here in brooklyn called “woodlands“.
it has been since closed but about 4 years ago,
angus use to work there and…

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