i am a gay black fox who grew up in a mostly female dominated household.

granted,
there were sprinkles of males around,
but it was mostly female.
i can font that looking back at how i grew up…

it made me more emotionally aware and intelligent than other males.

i learned how to communication,
have empathy,
and can understand how many vixens think and move.
unfortunately due to the abuse of my grandmother,
it made me an overly nurturing people pleaser who never feels enough.
can’t tell if i was a mama or grandmama’s boy.
i have issues relating to straight (and even gay) male culture.
i’ve idolized and fallen for wolves because of their unfamiliar masculinity,
but often times,
i have struggled with my masculine and gay identity.
due to that,
i tried to copy what masculinity look liked,
which made it even more obvious i was not like the other males.

i can’t font for gay males who grew up in dominate male households,
but i have met many who shared their backgrounds with me.
one thing is that many of them have is fear of their sexuality.

“i ain’t no F-bomb!”
“i ain’t never gonna get fucked by no dude.”

blah blah blah…
and then in private,
its a whole different story.

even though they understand male social dynamics,
and are not as intimated around masculine energy,
some of them can be:

surpassed emotionally to the point of ignorance
hyper masculine
crazy in the DL
horrible at expressing what they want and need

neither upbringing creates a better gay man.
it can just create different wounds,
different strengths,
and different things we spend adulthood (never) trying to heal.
that tweet made me stop and think about how it all started for each of is.
so many of us have mommy and daddy (both) issues that we don’t talk/font about enough.
we have taken that trauma and used it to torment,
destroy,
and break others.
so i had to wonder about how much of who we become is our sexuality…

…and how much is simply the environment that raised us?‘