recently,
i caught feelings…
or so i thought.
he is so sexy to me.
it’s his voice,
how attentive he is,
and how he made me feel seen when we were together.

But…

there were many times i’d feel more confused than connected,
but somehow,
i still wanted more.
for a while,
i told myself it would work.
“lied to myself“,
actually.
as the conversations showed more emotional detachment,
and the connection started feeling more skimp,
i started feeling something i knew all too well…

He is just like broken mirrors from the past.

after going to my friend’s apartment and seeing all those jersey wolves,
i realized i was in a settling for someone because they were giving me attention.
he wasn’t “the one”; he is “the only one right now”.
we wouldn’t have worked as a couple because we had nothing in common.
it was the feeling he gave me that i liked.
the reality is:

I just wanted to fuck him.
He just wanted to fuck me.

…and we were confusing those feelings with romantic ones.
there it was.

That’s when the whole thing started unraveling for me.

i wasn’t emotionally attached to him; i was attached to the fantasy.
i didn’t want the wolf; i wanted the penis attached to the wolf.
the way he told me how he dominates when he fucks made me so horny.
i found myself jackin’ off constantly after we were talked,
one time i told him i don’t want to talk about sex and he responded:

“Well,
what else are we gonna talk about?”

i’m certain that once he gave me what i wanted,
i’m sure i’d get post nut clarity after.
we haven’t talked in a while and honestly,
i don’t feel the need to.
i might have gotten my emotional post nut clarity tbh.

But…