after a long dry spell,
and a few people who came in too fast and disappeared just as quickly,
i’m re-learning how to open up again while being emotionally sore.

on super bowl sunday,
i was invited to a party at this new place i’m in.
i’ve been here about a month now and i’ve started mingling.
well tbh,
people started mingling with me.
one thing about me is:

people want access to me and get comfortable fast.

i don’t know if it’s my energy,
my softness,
or the way i make people feel safe but it happens.

so i met a straight couple downstairs last week,
and after about an hour of talking,
they told me to come through to this party they were having.
honestly?
it was so much fun.
being around new people reminded me of who i am,
how easily i connect,
and how much i enjoy meeting new wolves…
uh,
people.
meeting new people.

after the high has come down,
i find myself paused on all of it at 411am…

i love common sense and decency in the church.
there is a lack of those things especially in black churches.

“love everyone because the bible told us to do that,
but hate everyone because the bible told us to do that at the same time.”

this is why people are leaving the church in droves.
i always find it funny how there are so many gay folks in churches,
but somehow its okay when they are being the entertainment.

“gays should be singing and not being heard.”

so when yolanda adams said this on clay cane’s podcast…

i think “game of thrones” ruined us.
every time a show is about to end or a season finale:

we are hoping characters die horrible deaths so we can find an excuse to cry.

that is kinda weird,
ain’t it?
instead of cheering on characters surviving to show us we can survive through uncertainty,
we are excited and looking forward to see people die in horrible ways.
not even deaths that make sense to the story either.

just killing characters off for the sake of our inner little (or big) psychopaths

it kinda explains why some of these folks voted for this new reality of chaos.
like sansa stark in “game of thrones”,
i was hoping no i liked died in this “stranger things” finale.
if they did die,
i hoped it was properly tied into the story like when eddie died.
anyhoo,
“stranger things” came to an end last night with the final episode.
i ended up watching it at around 2am and well…

there are some albums that i’m not ready for yet.
i’ve always been the type that when i hear an album for the first time,
i might not take to it presently,
but “future jamari” needed it.
that has been a number of artists that i revisited,
especially once the hype has died down.
arianna grande,
“eternal sunshine“,
is one i revisited recently that i really ended up liking.
when i first heard it,
i was like “wtf is this shit?” especially,
“yes, and?“.
this song:

love.
love.
love.
LOVE.

sidebar: i randomly decided to listen to taylor’s “poets of the torture department in society”,
or whatever its called,
and i really like it now because i thought that shit was boring when if first heard it.

even though i took to mariah’s new album,
“here for it all“,
tbh…

anyone who does any kind of sex work,
but tells us they aren’t porno stars aka “no sex” on their OF,
are living in la la land.
you know why i think this?

…because somewhere,
on someone else’s OF content,
they are full blown porno stars.

^that wolf with the bunz of a thousand pounds might not be a porn star on his own content,
but allegedly,
he damn sure is one somewhere else.
allegedly fonting,
of course.
so the other day,
i was looking at another OF wolf and was like,
waittttttttt hole TF up…..

*This content is intended for audiences 18+. By accessing this page, you acknowledge that you are of legal age and agree to view adult or mature-themed material. All stories, images, and commentary are fictionalized or speculative unless otherwise stated.

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i’ve been thinking a lot about lil nas x tbh.
it made me realize just how awful the entertainment industry is.
it also made me think about each role someone assumes:

when you play the role of troll,
people don’t know when you are serious or not.

tbh,
so many people are breaking and killing themselves for their 15 minutes,
but once they get that first hit…