f0xmail: I Am HIV Positive and My Boyfriend Is Still Cheating!

Havent spoken to you in a while, well just wanted to give you an update on where I am now, and you know theres always something I need help with and feel you are someone I can talk to, a while back I ttold you about my boyfriend who told me that I play the victim and that I am HIV positive, well I’m still with him and theres has been a lot going on since then, so after my boyfriend cheated on me and I still took him back, at some point I guess I went out and did the same because he was still chilling with the guy he cheated on me with and I would sit home hoping that the relationship could get better, but I fund myself back on the “sites” and started talking to this guy, he would come over was a someone I could talk to and I told him my situation but all he wanted from me was sex and I didn’t want that, he wanted a relationship to but I thought it was to quick and that he wanted sex all he time turned me off..

Any who, my Boyfriend was jealous about it and he is a very attractive guy, he could get anyone he wants and alongside me I get jealous because I feel I’m a cute guy, I have a lot going on for myself but I guess I’m very insecure like I could not get the guy of my dreams if it saved my life, feeling as though I’m settling for with my boyfriend because of my virus and no one would ever want me, I remember you told me to be by myself that will make me happy, your right but, it still is hard to really be alone and I jus wont have that one person I can call my own, I love my (ex) Boyfriend but when I want the best for him he never listens to me, i’m 21 and he is 27, he top and i’m bottom, and I guess he loves his pride so much and no one can tell him anything.

furthermore, after I meet the other guy, he went out and had sex with 7 different people, including, one guy who was my first who is now a bottom which I never knew about, and some other guys in the scene I really don’t talk to, too much, I got over that also because I was talking to this other guy, but now I feel with the guy it was what it was at the moment, me and my ex are kind of back together its very complicated, we smoke everyday, drink everyday and it gets scary sometimes but I never been so attatch to a guy and I love him a lot but we are in a toxic place right now, I worry about him, my health, and my life on where it will go, with that all being said, he has a Ex in DC who they both had a relationship for 6 years and now he feels where he is located now is not the right place for him to live at, his Ex has been telling him for months he could come back to live with him, but he tells me its a friendship and nothing more, I was kind of left in the cold because I gave my all and only for him to leave me, he recently just told me yester that he was going to dinner with family but meet up with the person he cheated on me with and they went to friendly’s to so called have some closure, but he tells me that the guy would tell him they only reason why they are not to together because he is still in love with me, my boyfriend tells me he has things mentally that he can offer, oppose to me, he loves me dearly, but loves the sex and loves the fact I can let him be himself and not feel like life is taking him down, because he recently lost his job in march but works somewhere less from what he is use to making. he goes though my phone whether its on sites or text message that people send me and criticizes me, but when I want to go in his phone he doesnt allow for me to and I don’t think I ever went through his phone,  now i’m left feeling like how will I pick up the pieces, who will love me like he does, I don’t want to go back to being depressed, I’m content right now, but could be better, just want someone I share myself with and I keep finding guys who often leave me after a couple of months, I don’t know if they use me for sex, money or what the case may be, I’m in College, I have my own place, I work and I can say that i’m stable but I’ve been through much in my life but it hasn’t taken over me and I just want the best for myself.

recently I have found myself back on BGC, Adam4Adam and Jack’d but none of these guys actually want a relationship, friendship or even find me attractive, although I have been told im a cute guy, but all they want is sex and my questions are to you jamari is, do I just let the right person find me, where should I stand with my boyfriend who has done much for me but can be the biggest jerk at times and I man what would you do in this situation? I hope you can help me, I’m alittle lost right now and need to know what steps right now should I take for it becomes continuous.

MY ANSWER…

young fox,
i remember you from this entry.
honestly, this is where i threw my hands up in the f0xmail:

i can give you advice.
make 10,000 entries for you.
even make you a slide show.
but it won’t work.
i’m going to tell you how i do things.
maybe it will help you.

when someone does me wrong the first time,
i don’t give them a second.
i use to do that and i constantly was left feeling hurt.
i completely wipe my hands from the person because i don’t deserve my feelings to be hurt.
i’m not that fox to play “we gonna see how this works because i want it to work…“.
that is called “wasting time on someone who doesn’t deserve me“.


this may sound conceited or whatever,
but i deserve the best treatment.
nothing more; nothing less.

i am talented,
good looking,
independent,
goal oriented,
charismatic,
and gone through too much shit to have to deal with some asshole to lower my worth.

i’m going to give you tough love because you need it.
you don’t need him.
period.
if you have to be alone for 10 years,
then guess what?
you’d probably be 10 times richer and happier than 10 months with some douche bag.

your next email to me should be:

“i dumped the bastard and working on myself to be the best fox i can be.”

so i need you to do this.
you need to tell him that right now you just need to be friends.
he will try to beg or he may not.
either way, make up your mind this is the last time you will speak to him.
after, erase everything that will allow you to contact him.
that will program your mind to know he is gone.
you will erase all the sites you use to meet wolves.
you are too dependent on trying to meet someone that you meet the wrong ones.
have you ever been alone?
you will exhale.
you will find a counselor or a therapist.
doesn’t have to be expensive and they are many that are free.
you will start to work on your issues.
that will allow you to be a fuckin’ superhuman,
find a career that will help you make money,
you won’t be about that bullshit anymore,
and meet the wolf that you need to meet.


welcome to the life of a fox with his mind together.
all that drama gave me a headache.
this song has helped me say “fuck it“…

just ride.

comments?

oh! don’t forget

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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

18 thoughts on “f0xmail: I Am HIV Positive and My Boyfriend Is Still Cheating!

  1. I couldn’t even get through the entry, to be perfectly honest with you. Aside from the shit being one long run on sentence, it frustrated me.

    What’s the point of giving advice to someone who’s already decided they’re going to do what they want to do anyway? The advice given now is the very same advice that was given some entries back.

    My friends know when they come to me, it’s not going to be a bitch session. I’m about solutions and the complainant seems be more about problems.

    What exactly did you expect to accomplish by entertaining the attention of another man outside of your relationship? To get even?
    Your boyfriend is still going out, entertaining other men, and coming home to you.

    You don’t need advice. You need a backbone.

    One thing that stuck out to me in his letter was the lack of self esteem particularly relating to his boyfriend. He believes his boyfriend is attractive enough to be with whomever he wishes, but doesn’t believe the same for himself.

    As human beings, we can sense low self esteem. It’s in the way you speak, in the way you carry yourself, and in the way you project. Men only want sex from you because that’s all YOU believe you have to offer and you don’t demand more from them (I’m sure your boyfriend can attest to this).
    You go on these chat websites looking for what exactly? Another relationship? How does that make you any better than your boyfriend?

    How about this. How about you stop focusing so much on finding the love and affection from other men that you refuse to give yourself and start working on the man you ultimately want to become.

    Your boyfriend doesn’t value you because you don’t value yourself.
    These men you’re talking to don’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself.

    Take some responsibility for the situation you’re in. Don’t be a victim, be your own activist.

    And for God’s sake, stop crying.

    1. Nevermind, Random said it all.

      Oh, invest in a couple periods, commas, & other punctuation marks – I gave up 1/3 of the way through. Also, you’re 21, you still have a lot of life to live & you really don’t know yourself.

      And to be honest, you should stop w/the casual sex, especially being positive. You can still spread HIV even as a bottom. Just chill

  2. Wow, this made me sad to the point of, I would actually take this dude under my wings and mentor him if we were in the same place. Clearly he needs someone who will offer support and be in his face because he is not getting the message everyone keeps sending out. Though, he didnt state it specifically in his letter, his boyfriend has him believing that he cant get no one else because is HIV positive and subconsciously he believes this as well. Man you made need to do a 360 and just move away and start fresh and give yourself a year or more to not be in any type of relationship other than a friendship. You are going to hurt yourself even more by stressing and not taking care of yourself worrying in behind this no good piece of shit. Sorry you are so young and cant see that in 10 years you will be a whole other person and will want to kick your own self in the ass for wasting so much of your valuable time on this man.

  3. It’s a lot going on here. If I had this much going on I will be in a mental institution. Situations like this show just how hard this lifestyle can really be. You need to take a break from men in my opinion. That’s the KEY to your problem. You do NOT need to be in a relationship with a man to survive. You are in college, have your own place, and you are financially stable. You do NOT need these men around. I know you may be keeping them around because you need to be loved, but it’s not worth all this pain. You need to kick your boyfriend to the curb immediately. If you don’t then you will continue to be in pain. They will continue to keep doing you wrong until you do something about it. You’re young man, you have your whole life to meet the perfect man. I would never let a man or woman put me through this much. All I want them to do is give me an explanation so that I can have closure and can move on. Your boyfriend may come around when you show that you don’t need him. It happens every time. I have had it happen with men and women. When you start not giving a fuck, that’s when the start to care.

  4. dude your still with him? i think your scared of being lonely but you have to some times point blank. if a dude ain’t treating me right im over him and hope the door knock his ass out on the way out. you 1. need to get some inner strength on a serious note! dont you think the past has ways of teaching you a lesson? whos to say you dont end up in this situation again if you dont man up and choose to do better for yourself. hes only doing all this to prove a point in my mind THAT HE CAN DO IT! yall mind as well have a open relationship cause it seems like thats what it is….dont want it then move on that simple. 2. you need to reevaluate your life and whos in it. do they really have your best interest at heart? you sound like your making yourself a doormat and its self inflicted. mostly all of it. and by you going on bgc and the rest it proves you havent learned a damn thing…..why go to a sex site looking for a relationship? you need to open your eyes and see the world around you and realize there are other ways to meet guys besides bgc ect. jamari gave you good advice the first time and you still did what you wanted to do soooooooooooooooooooo what do you think will happen now? fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.

  5. Once I got to ‘ He cheated and I took him back’ I was over it…..Jamari and your beautiful subscribers were on point and I have nothing else to add…

    God bless you all for trying to help this young man..

    Now young man, pray that one day you can wake up and accept this advice! Take action! You deserve to be HAPPY! Fuck anything less!

    What you are experiencing is not LOVE. You hanging on for dear life because it’s easier. You deserve better!

    No way in HELL would I put up with that and you shouldn’t either!

    1. ^and see that’s the thing luckey…
      i have none of that kinda drama in my life.
      that shit ages you and makes you a human punching bag.
      you gotta have the attitude in life to walk away from someone and not care where they stand.

  6. Fox and Random, you gave some great advice.
    Like a lot of readers I couldn’t get through that dude’s letter. First of all he needs to go back to school and learn how to write properly. Reading shit like that irritates the fuck out me.
    Yeah, he is young dating a slightly older dude that plays game on him. Where was I when I was 21? A junior in college, working for the student newspaper, working as a bank teller, and pulling down summer internships in the career I wanted. Plus I was partying like a muthafucka.
    You guys are absolutely right. Dude needs to be focusing on improving himself and not getting dick. If you are confident and successful dick and ass will rain out of heaven on your ass.
    And so what if he is HIV? Shit, lots of folks have HIV and live well.
    But to be honet you know he ain’t going to heed a word of what we write. Six months from now he will be writing the same stupid shit. Because the little queen likes drama.
    Doing drama is easier than picking up a book and a laptop and learning.

  7. I thank you all for giving your advice, positive or even negative, nothing happens overnight, I listen to every word that Jamari has to offer to me. I am in no shape or form perfect, love is something that can change for the best or worst. I know the situation I am in is not great but this will be a learning process for me. Everyday I am growing as a person. Sometimes you have to let go of things, may not be the best situation to keep myself. Immaneul22 thanks for the feedback, its not drama that I want to convey, its figuring out who I am as a person and where I want to be, HIV is not who I am as a person but in some parts it can play a factor but I will never let the HIV virus make me for who I am, I have moved on from that situation but it does play a part in my future endeavors with guys whether its relationship or/and friendship. The luckystar, common sense is definitely something I need to have, Random Thanks for being honest, I turn to Jamari because I am basically going through this alone, everyday I am trying to become a better person, Jamari I thank for the bottom of my heart, we all at some point have been stupid in love. However, there comes a time that you have to grow up and make the right decisions. I wish that you all could understand but I guess its not that simple. Whether its negative feedback or positive feedback you all have helped in a big way. Thank you so much. Whether I make the right decision its up to me and I’ll see where the future will bring me. I will only write jamari back until I make progress with myself, I know I have it in me, we all have been through things but you have to look back at your past to say this what has brought me to the future. I thank you all again for your feedback and Jamari you will always be someone in my head I can turn but I know you want the best for me. I will do better. Peace and Love.

  8. Young man take sometime for yourself and evaluate the position that you’re in. I know @ 21 we are suppose to be an adult, but the way that you are handling things makes one think you are still some teenager. Man up and let this person go sit back and relax and allow someone whom is a fit forr you to come into your life.

  9. This reminds me of my most recent Facebook status posting: “Define your own worth; never allow someone to define your worth.” And secondly, the same advice I gave my friend in the A recently….MOVE THE FUCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!

  10. my name is Monalisa, i want to give almighty praise to MADAM GLADYS who help me to cure my HIV POSITIVE, please help me to give thanks to her she is a great woman who God send from heaven to save people’s life, this woman also save the life of my friend who have HIV/AID POSITIVE ALSO, please thank her for me, also if you have any type of problem you can also contact him to help you out on it, she is a wonderful woman, her email is: BABYSTEMPLEREALITY@GMAIL.COM contact him now for him to help you too.

  11. He have just done it for me I never believe all this post in the internet he have prove to me that he is real I was very sick and also pregnant, I was 4month pregnant and also a HIV positive I contact this HIV through sharp object when I was 2month pregnant and I don’t know about it until when I go to hospital for normal pregnant check up and I was tested that I have HIV and it was like a dream and I was shock about it because I never have sex with anyone else my husband And they detected that it was a sharp object beside when I was pregnant I was not tested HIV positive then why now am HIV positive I was just crying I was just thinking about my child and he we be HIV if I get birth to he and I was just crying about it when I get home I explain everything to my husband and my husband was just confused and he don’t know what to do about it we decided to go for different hospital to find solution but all come out with same answer that I should being taking drug I feel like killing my self because life was just some how to me well I never give up I go for online doctor all come out with same answer only okorundo the great spell curer cure me from this disease when I see this post on blog I was just see many post and I don’t know which to contact but my only hope is my child I speak to him through my mind to lead me through to pick a right email well I thank god for my life now am okay I pick DR.OKORUNDO I contacted him and tell him about my problem the doctor was just smiling I was just confused and a tear fall of from my eye, through phone this man told me that I should not crying again and something come to me how do he know that I am crying and a little smile come to my life that he can help me cure this disease that am carrying this man ask me to product my picture and my real name which I did and also 30mins later he called me and ask me to send money to him for him to buy some items well I have to two things in my mind that he is after my money and he repeat same thing “MY DUAGHTER AM NOT AFTER YOUR MONEY” I was just confused how he discover my thought I send down the money to him next day of it he called as ask me to go for check up they doctor never discover if I have HIV before I was heal and cure totally THANK YOU LORD FOR USING THIS MAN FOR MY LIFE you can get cure if you want to my friends this is his email contact him DR.OKORUNDO@HOTMAIL.COM

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