“Yo Straight Gay Wolf, Do Wanna Be My Manz? PAUSE and NO HOMO.”

Have you ever told a Straight Wolf about you?

Not any Straight Wolf, but the one you real cool with.
He is pretty much your best friend (do people still have those these days?)
He will call you when he was Vixen, or any problem for that matter.
He has no issue taking off his shirt or walking around in his drawz.
But, he will also, for some odd reason, act like you are his man… low-key.
And then when you think the coast is clear for you to be bold,
he says:

“YO CUT THAT GAY SHIT OUT…”

but will then do some other suspect shit on a later date.

…HUH?

I have only one of those.
I like to call these types “Straight Gay”.
They do the gayest shit but are straight… I think.
This “Straight Gay”and I talk to each other a lot, but when we text, he says the most SUSPECT things to me.

“yo if i was to be gay, no homo, id be the one giving pipe.”

“naw kanye would be the bottom.”

“no homo but you think trey songz is bottom? what bout bow wow?”

(like what you know a top and bottom is???)

“no homo, but you real handsome and you have the perfect lips.”

And then it is like he admires me and always tries to compare himself to me.
But, a Fox wants to know whats the deal!
So I  say “FUCK THIS” and do a bold move right back…

and then I’m hit with:

“YO CUT THAT GAY SHIT OUT!”

Not in the “homophone” way, but in the “i dunno why you said that?” playing stupid way.
But, why is it he wants to act like my man and tell me what to do?
We got into an argument one night and you would have thought he was Daddy.
All because I did the opposite of what he said.

WHY DID IT TURN ME THE FAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKK ON!!!!!!!

I love when a Wolf puts me in my place in that aggressive tone.
His voice was all deep and he sounded like he was ready to throw me over his shoulder and…

… AND see that is the part that fucks me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it fucks you up too.

He sort of protects you.
He will fuck anyone up that you point at.
He even cannot stand the muthafuckas you tell him about.
But as soon as you even think he is slowly slipping and you make your move…
he hits you with the:

“YO CUT THAT GAY SHIT OUT!”

It’s like you want to yell:

THEN YOU CUT YOUR STRAIGHT GAY SHIT OUT!

Why do these Wolves do this?
They are clearly straight… I think… but they do the gayest SHIT!
Shit that would have anyone questioning his sexuality…
… even though he fucks females and does “straight” things.

It got me thinking about Wolves who are straight and act like they straight UP want us.
Is this all a game he is playing since he “knows”?
Or, somewhere in his pea brain, is he feeling us a little bit?
And if he is feeling us, why all this back and forth jibba jabba?

They say that you should fall in love with your friend.
It is better than some common stranger on a chat line.
So, there go your friend who is Straight Gay who you fall in love with.
Is it all just a waste of our time?
Or should we hold on, get alone with him, and slip his ass a mickey?

Every other damn suspect sentence is PAUSE or NO HOMO.

Is that the Straight Wolves “GET OUT OF GAY” free card?

When it comes to this Straight Gay phenomenon sweeping various Foxholes everywhere…

is he just STRAIGHT?
Or, is he just being STRAIGHT UP GAY?

… oh, no homo.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

101 thoughts on ““Yo Straight Gay Wolf, Do Wanna Be My Manz? PAUSE and NO HOMO.”

  1. I’ve had a few of those. The worst one i had would say things like “Why don’t me and you rent a charger and drive down to Miami together for a weekend? I like that shyt” or “why don’t we go get a steak or something? Just me and you.”

    And every time id be like… (o.0)…. What?

    He had a girlfriend that he didn’t really care about. I’d see him flirt with other fysh in our building. But he would say things to me and i’d sit there thinking: Is he flirting with me? He knew i was gay and even if he didnt… who says that? These types are the worst because you never really know where you stand. I think its more about the mental stimulation that they get out of interaction with you than it is physical.

  2. Maybe they’re just comfortable around you because in most cases the relationship has already been established before the issue of sexuality came up. I think sometimes we confuse their comfort in expressing their curiousity male on male action with them being closet cases.

    We should all know by now that the ones who are into men are usually guarded and uncomfortable about it, almost to the point of being homophobic themselves.

    I just hate when a straight person is decent to someone who appears to be gay, everyone (gay and straight) assumes tthey are gay as well. I don’t think the dynamic of the relationship is any different than a platonic relationship between a male and female or a masc gay man and a straight woman.

    I think more friendships like this would be beneficial to everyone.

  3. Mmmm.. I have a couple of these too, but they are violent through. They scare me low key, because well there are my brothers friends and my lil brothers are like 6’3 like 250 football player builds and I’m 5″11 athletic swimmer build but they the same height and weight. These dudes possessive and the one in particular is DJ, this fine ass sexy lil dude be grabbing me by my arms and waist pulling me toward him when I don’t give him a hug when he come over to play the 360 with my brothers. I’m always fighting him off but secretly wanting to fuck him on spot but he be like, you like that don’t you, yeah never going happen.. Smh.

    Straight boys like playing games with us, they like testing the waters to see what its like. They low key want to just get drunk one night and wrestle and probably make out and then say it never happened. Straight dudes are funny ass fuck Jamari.. Lls

  4. JAY :Maybe they’re just comfortable around you because in most cases the relationship has already been established before the issue of sexuality came up. I think sometimes we confuse their comfort in expressing their curiousity male on male action with them being closet cases.
    We should all know by now that the ones who are into men are usually guarded and uncomfortable about it, almost to the point of being homophobic themselves.
    I just hate when a straight person is decent to someone who appears to be gay, everyone (gay and straight) assumes tthey are gay as well. I don’t think the dynamic of the relationship is any different than a platonic relationship between a male and female or a masc gay man and a straight woman.
    I think more friendships like this would be beneficial to everyone.

    Agreed

  5. Then is it worth it to take it there?

    You’ll fuck, effectively opening up pandora’s box for him. He’s all confused and lowkey resentful towards you for being the center of his confusion. So basically you’re the last person on Earth he’d want to be around.

    Friendship over.

    …Or he realizes he likes sex with guys and embraces it…with you and tons of other dudes. lol

    Either way the outcome isn’t as good as the current relationship so I say enjoy the intimate friendship for what it is.

  6. The more comfortable a dude is with himself & his sexuality, the more open they are. Jusst as there are men who don’t hug or show emotion, there are plenty of dudes who do – I mean, look at sports. Guys horse around all the time – we express ourselves in fights & hitting, grabs, horsing around, etc. Especially if you pass the friend test & we/he can trust you.

    Also, we love attention – it feeds the ego. Yeah, you may like dick, but that doesn’t mean you’re not one of the guys. For foxes, because you’re naturally more submissive, he probably is protective of you…even like he would be one of his sisters or his girl. It doesn’t mean he wants to fvck you, though – cuz realistically, he knows that could’ve already happened. It’s more that he enjoys the camraderie, closeness, & attention..without the sex.

    Enjoy the friendship & stop tryna be wifey. Trust me, if that’s what he wanted, he woulda made it happen

    1. So help us understand YngBlkWolf,

      How does one differentiate between the behaviors of a “straight” wolf who flirts and is physical with and protective of you and a gay wolf who flirts and is physical with and protective of you in terms of wanting to make something happen?

      To say that if he wanted he would have made it happen would suggest that wolves go for what they want all the time… and as foxes know… that definitely isn’t the case lol

      1. Love the answer Wolf especially the part about

        “Enjoy the friendship & stop tryna be wifey. Trust me, if that’s what he wanted, he woulda made it happen”

  7. YngBlkWolf :
    The more comfortable a dude is with himself & his sexuality, the more open they are. Jusst as there are men who don’t hug or show emotion, there are plenty of dudes who do – I mean, look at sports. Guys horse around all the time – we express ourselves in fights & hitting, grabs, horsing around, etc. Especially if you pass the friend test & we/he can trust you.
    It doesn’t mean he wants to fvck you, though – cuz realistically, he knows that could’ve already happened. It’s more that he enjoys the camraderie, closeness, & attention..without the sex.
    Enjoy the friendship & stop tryna be wifey. Trust me, if that’s what he wanted, he woulda made it happen

    *slow claps*

  8. i got one right now…. he worries about when i go out alone and he calls me every night to see if i got home okay from work, but the only thing is i never made a move… come to think i never really initiate any flirting or nothing… and then if i do certain things like not text him back he calls me and lets me have it for “ignoring him”.. its cute and funny at the same time… but we’ll see how it goes later on…

  9. Mine and i used to argue like we were in a relationship but hang out like best friends. He used to say stuff like “i wish you were a girl, we could put stuff in your purse” when we would go to the movies. Wrestled arould in the most sexual unsexual way. A couple subsequent events led up to us being intimate. Still one of my best friends but arent together due to timing.

    Have another acquaintance that shows the same signs. Told me he would take me out to dinner with a certain chicks money… to prove he could get whatever he wanted from her. Always finding some reason to speak and confrontational for no reason. Smh.

    The diff between those two situations is this; im now grown and too old to play cat and mouse or try to figure someone out so i pay the second friend no attention. The first was fun and a really sweet situation though. Great too considering we’re both not out cause we were extra attentive to looking out for one another. Diet drama.

  10. JAY :
    We should all know by now that the ones who are into men are usually guarded and uncomfortable about it, almost to the point of being homophobic themselves.

    If a wolf is guarded, homophobic, and uncomfortable around us… does that suggest that we have a better chance at getting him than with someone who is open and comfortable and flirts?

      1. A guy is being playful or flirtatious or affectionate or protective, and so on and so forth towards us… aaaaannnndddd we are to believe that he is not interested?

        But the one who does the exact OPPOSITE is the one who’d we would have a better chance with?

        It just seems kinda backwards to me is all and i would like some clarification.

    1. Well no one’s exactly taking it to the next level with these straight gay guys they perceive to be into them either.

      Our perceptions of situations don’t always match the reality of it.

      Technically you’re probably only going to have luck with men who’s actions match their words period.

      I find it odd that these straight dudes are comfortable enough to express themselves like this and none of you all have been comfortable enough to have a serious discussion about the ambiguity of the relationship.

      You rather continue analyzing everything he does until you can’t even trust your own intuition?

      Couldn’t be me.

      1. So, do you think we have a better chance with a “straight” wolf who is uncomfortable, guarded, and homophobic than we do with a “striaght” wolf who is playful, affectionate, and overall flirtatious? Or not?

      2. ^JAY,
        that tough love was an eye opener.
        Especially that last sentence.
        I was going to post a new entry but this one seems like it has some un-answered questions I want people to focus on.

        Now this:

        I find it odd that these straight dudes are comfortable enough to express themselves like this and none of you all have been comfortable enough to have a serious discussion about the ambiguity of the relationship.

        You rather continue analyzing everything he does until you can’t even trust your own intuition?

        -Could it be that people do not want to wrong???
        And I know with me,
        I asked and he said no… but still continues to do it.

  11. #whoisjamarifox :
    Now this:
    I find it odd that these straight dudes are comfortable enough to express themselves like this and none of you all have been comfortable enough to have a serious discussion about the ambiguity of the relationship.
    You rather continue analyzing everything he does until you can’t even trust your own intuition?
    -Could it be that people do not want to wrong???

    I think that goes against the concept of “going with the flow.” Which is what we’re suppose to do, right? Allow things to progress naturally and wait until hes comfortable enough or made up his mind about what he wants to do because you cannot rush a wolf into doing things you’d like for him to do on your time. Or do I have it wrong?

  12. UrSoVain :
    So, do you think we have a better chance with a “straight” wolf who is uncomfortable, guarded, and homophobic than we do with a “striaght” wolf who is playful, affectionate, and overall flirtatious? Or not?

    I don’t think you a chance at anything serious with someone who IS straight or portrays themselves to be that way to be honest.

    How many uncomfortable, guarded gay men do you know? Probably plenty.

    How many playful, affectionate, and overall flirtatious straight men you know?

    I know plenty of those as well and when you combine that with a man that is comfortable in his sexuality and does indeed have gay friends then…

    1. ^… then he isn’t gay.
      LOL.
      Usually those types aren’t.

      But I really do like that “uncomfortable guarded men” one.
      That is definitely a true statement because usually they act that way because they are attracted to you and trying to hide it…
      … as it spills out in spurts..

    2. “Straight” is in quotes for a reason. There are plenty wolves who do not identify as “gay.” I’m sure many of whom read this site daily. Yes, the comfortable with their sexuality types with gay friends do exist but they are few in my opinion. But uncomfortable,homophobic, guarded gay men exist in larger numbers and are mostly wolves.

      So what I’m getting from your statements is that open flirtatiousness is not ENOUGH to identify a guy as interested in you basically?

      1. Nope. Not at all.

        I know people who will flirt with someone just because they can or they know that person has a thing for them and it feeds their ego.

        Flirting tell you less than nothing about their intentions.

  13. JAY :
    Nope. Not at all.
    I know people who will flirt with someone just because they can or they know that person has a thing for them and it feeds their ego.
    Flirting tell you less than nothing about their intentions.

    Now what should someone be looking for with interaction with a wolf to determine if he’s interested in them if flirting means “less than nothing”?

  14. my best friend is this way. He has even said ” yo if you were a girl you would be my shawty” i have touched his dick, slept in the same bed, we have held each other” but in the morning he acts like nothing has happen.

    He has cried on the phone with me, caught niggas that talked about me, spent money on me.

    At the end of the day i believe he is straight but i also believe that its okay to have a bro-mance. Guys need guy to guy interaction that isn’t so contained by what society says it should be, the same way girls are allowed to be free with it.

    so my advice would be as tempting as it is to believe he is gay, don’t fuck up a friendship that will stand the test of time because you wanna see what he is like in bed.

    Good Day gentlemen!

    1. ^GOOD FUCKIN ANSWER LARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      😉

      I appreciate this because I have a feeling that once you put the “title” on it,
      it will pretty much go downhill from there.

    2. You had me up until “I have touched his dick.” I have (and had) straight friends that are like brothers to me (some knew I’m bi, others didn’t) & not one time have I touched their dick or they touched mine. I can’t even recall if I’ve seen them naked (unless we were changing at the gym), so that raises a red flag. Other than that, I agree…unless you touched it while he was asleep or something.

  15. First there has to be a reason he’s interested in you. If he has never even had a decent conversation with you and your only interaction has been him catching you staring at you, he may be flirting with you only to play on that.

    Being the observer I am, I can tell if someone’s into someone by how they converse. If he’s leaning in, listening intently to what you’re saying, and giving well thought out responses all while giving what I refer to as “happy eyes” that’s an indication he’s into you. A guy can be stoic as hell, but in most cases their eyes light up when they’re around someone they’re interested in.

    On the other hand, I’ve seen a lot of fake interaction where dudes playfully rub up against people grab their hands and say random, sappy shit to them just to get them invested.

    The game is engrained in us at an early age. Men know how to get women invested, so they damn sure can get a gay one wide open no problem.

    Someone’s who isn’t genuinely interested can only fake it for so long until they move on to the next shiny object.

    1. BUT WAIT….

      You say this “happy eyes” thing and leaning in,
      but Wolves who are playing with our emotions do the same thing.
      So is there an easy way to tell if he just playing us for the fool….

      Inquiring Foxes want to know…

  16. The thing is, wolves don’t have to do very much to get foxes invested and all in your feelings.

    You guys drive yourselves up the wall all by yourself with the analyzing and making excuses for why he does what he does, all he really has to do is show up. LMAO!

    But ummm if you feel he’s into you, but at the same time he has a girlfriend or he claims he doesn’t swing that way…he’s probably playing you for a fool either way it goes. I wonder why that isn’t a deal breaker for gay men? I mean do these dudes think a dude is going to fuck them, realize he prefers men, and dump his gf? Nope, you’ll be his sex toy lol

    The happy eyes thing was for straight dudes interacting with women and admittedly gay/bi men interacting with each other. As we all know, gay/bi wolves have no reason to pretend to be interested in you if they aren’t when ready and willing ass is plentiful.

    I’m sure someone thinks I’m being pessimistic, but if anyone has stories where they ended up with their “straight” friend who dumped their gf for them now would be the time to share.

    1. JAY :
      The happy eyes thing was for straight dudes interacting with women and admittedly gay/bi men interacting with each other. As we all know, gay/bi wolves have no reason to pretend to be interested in you if they aren’t when ready and willing ass is plentiful.

      I totally disagree and reference YngBlkWolf’s comment about liking attention and ego strokes. Wolves in general will pretend to be interested just to make themselves feel valid, wanted, and confirm the positive things about themselves. There still seems to not be this definite way to tell if he’s interested because you can get the same type of attention from both sides. “Happy eyes” is something i get from certain wolves with girlfriends who i suspect probably have a thing for men. But i remember a certain commentor likened the “happy to see you” eyes as similar to the way you’d react to your favorite cousin lol

      1. Clarification: all men like attention, not just wolves. Some invite it subconciously, though. I know I’ve unintentionally led people on with my actions when I really didn’t know they were feeling me like that. I stopped them & had that convo once I realized it though…

        And then you have the ones who will play you like a fiddle. How do you tell the difference? I don’t know…but usually a person’s actions will belie their intentions everytime

      2. The thing is wolves don’t have to invest anything in you for you to stroke their ego.

        With facebook and twitter all a wolf has to do is post a pic like George Hill and he can get 150 likes and 300 comments.

        Or you can hit him up on grindr or the like and all he has to say is “wassup” and reply “thats wassup” to everything you say.

        Technology allows us to get our ego stroked from the comforts of our homes all alone.

        For some all it takes is a gaze that lasts a second too long and thats enough to make them feel wanted. They don’t have to say a word to you.

  17. #whoisjamarifox :^JAY,that tough love was an eye opener.Especially that last sentence.I was going to post a new entry but this one seems like it has some un-answered questions I want people to focus on.
    Now this:
    I find it odd that these straight dudes are comfortable enough to express themselves like this and none of you all have been comfortable enough to have a serious discussion about the ambiguity of the relationship.
    You rather continue analyzing everything he does until you can’t even trust your own intuition?

    -Could it be that people do not want to wrong???And I know with me,I asked and he said no… but still continues to do it.

    If you asked, and he said no – BELIEVE HIM. How hard is that? Sometimes I swear I feel like I’m banging my head against a wall with y’all (foxes)…lol

    “Ooh, I wonder if…but he does this…yet he won’t do that…” waiting around forever for something that may only exist in your mind. It’s not that hard too figure out. If he’s comfortable around you, and you’re all chill like that – then ask. If he says no, then he likes being your friend. Men, yes straight men, gay men, bisexuals & in between, can have close, intimate friendships without sex – that is not the sole domain of women.

    The “guarded men” are trouble too – especially if you’re out. IMO, a dude who is out should never date a dude who isn’t…unless it’s all about sex. He’s not about to kick down the closet door for you – and if that ish backfires, you will be the first to catch blame. This ain’t some sappy movie, folks. Discreet is different, but DL? Nah…

    1. Okay, fine.

      So YngBlkWolf.. when Y.O.U. like someone, how would someone on the outside looking in be able to tell? What specific things do you do that you don’t do towards other foxes you interact with?

    2. Yung very good response and I agree with all your points and I will add that I think that most black men feel under the gun everyday to prove their manhood to their women, to their bosses, to their friends and to their family members. Many black men feel that they have to wear a suit of armor 24/7 especially around other brothers, they fell like they have to prove that they are “hard”, that they can/will/have fucked bitches 24/7. They feel like they have to be the best baller on the football field or on the basket ball court, they have to be able to bench press at least 350, and they have to be the baddest mutha fucka in the city. Many of them feel that if they don’t live up to these crazy and unrealistic standards everyday then they will not be perceived as a real man by others, and they do this at the cost of intimacy. I think that these brothers secretly crave to be around another brother who don’t put the “you got to be hard 24/7 trip on them.” I think that in many cases they are not even aware of it at first, and before they know it they are into you in a very Platonic non-sexual way. it is very confusing at times to them that they can open up to another man about their thoughts, their fears and not “hear the man quit acting like a bitch retort.” Instead they may hear from you through your actions and deeds “man I care about you and I am here for you no matter what and I got your back!!!!

      They may wonder at first what your motives are toward them and they may or may not verbalize it to you and in most cases they may not know how too especially if they are hood. I remember Mike Tyson said in his documentary about meeting a man who was sincerely interested in his well being and his first thought was “is this guy queer?” So once they realize that you are sincerely invested in them unconditionally they are relieved. I mean think about it have you ever had a platonic friend that whenever you go around them you just can say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh man I can relax now because they accept you for who you are unconditionally? Well I think that these brothers may feel this way about you. I had a friend who was extremely hyper masculine, I mean testosterone oozed out of his every pore, this guy was nothing but a mass of muscle and he was an educated thug and a extreme homo-phobe. This guy as so much of a homophobe that when he saw that I had a copy of Moulin Rouge in my DVD libary that it traumatized him lol. When I met him he was going through some very hard times and I help him a lot in a non exploitative way, and I would step into his azz when I thought he wasn’t meeting his responsibilities when it came to his children and to himself. However I never judged him and I always brought God into the equation, and I also “told him that whatever I did for him that he owed me nothing”.

      I never put that you are not a real man because your game isn’t tight” After awhile he felt so comfortable with me that he would often greet me with a kiss on my cheek. I enjoyed the kiss not because it was sexual but because it was a sincere expression of his platonic manly love for me and that it was his attempt to give me some of what little he had to give. When I look back on our relationship in many aspects we behaved like a couple in the sense of what we argued about, what we wanted from each other emotionally, and in how much time we spent together. I remember thinking to myself man I feel like I am dating this brother” lol. However, our relationship was never sexualized and I made it a point not to let that happen especially since my friend was very emotionally and financially vulnerable which we know some gay brothers would try to take advantage of my friends situation, and I think is what made our friendship unique and I think that in that relationship I did some of my best work in supporting one of my black brothers.

      I say all of this to say that what some of you may be confusing the sense of intimacy you have established with your str8 friends and their lowering of their guard around you as possible sexual interest in you. I just think that they are placing a trust in you that they may not give to their girl friend, boys, co-workers, or family members, and that it is your responsibility to be good caretakers of their trust. Oh yeah and fuck all of yall who don’t agree with me in advance lol.

      1. ^oh this was a good intelligent answer.
        Kudos for sharing this with us!

        But I get what you and the other Wolves are saying.
        Instead of looking at these men as play things,
        Look at them as friends who accept we are gay and keep it platonic.
        No need in ruining a friendship,
        Like another commenter said,
        By trying to sleep with them.

        I’m starting to really get it now.
        I hope everyone else is..

  18. I did a lil google search and compiled a list of what it looks like if a guy likes you and came up with this:

    1. Examine his body language. If he likes you, you may see that he rarely turns his back to you, often leans towards you, and also looks at you a lot. If he slouches his shoulders when near you, he’s romantic and cares about what you have to say. If he points his shoulders and pelvis towards you while sitting, he is definitely feeling something for you.

    2. Notice his eye contact. If he likes you, he may either look away quickly if he is shy, or he’ll try to catch your eye and hold it or make faces. This can be uncomfortable if you don’t like him. If you feel like you have held eye contact just a fraction of a second longer than you would with anyone else, or if he looks away quickly, then there is something there. When he’s around you and he says/does something funny and everyone around laughs, his eyes will flicker towards you for a second to see if you laughed, too.

    3. Check for signs of nervousness. Signs of nervous laughter, sweaty palms, deep breaths, fidgeting, or possibly even looking away quickly when you notice if he is watching you are all good signs of an attraction towards you and that he is nervous about making an impression on someone he likes.

    4. He bumps into you, touches you till he’s passing you or always appears in the same venue. This one is also very obvious and easy to spot. If a guy likes you, he will want to be near you as much as it’s possible. If he bumps into you or touches you till passing, maybe he is trying to start some conversation. However, maybe he is trying to make you start conversation with him.

    5. Mirroring is a phenomenon in which one person automatically mirrors what the other person is doing. Like for instance, when one person leans forward to tell something the other person leans forward too to meet the other person’s lean. If one person sits back the other one sits back too. This generally happens between two people who are attracted to each other. Mirroring is a part of body language of a man that happens almost subconsciously when he likes you. So next time try to notice and see if your man is mirroring you.

    Thoughts?

    1. I agree with 1.3. and 5.

      With eye contact, he could be thinking “why is this loser staring at me? I gotta look away quick!”.

      With the touching he could be trying to get into your head. I know Im not going to violate your personal space until we know each other better. Thats with anyone.

      The rest is fairly accurate in most situations.

    2. If I am correct you are giving descriptions of what str8 men will do if they are attracted to a woman and not to another man. If a man is on the DL then he may have master masking his body language. One of the proven scientific ways to know if a man or a woman is sexually to someone aside from erect nipples in a female and an erection in a man is that their pupils will dilate whenever they are close to you. However, I doubt that a str8 or closeted man is going to allow you to get that close to them and not yell no-homo lol.

      1. ^what do you mean by pupils are dilating?
        How can you tell that?

        And I agree with a majority of that list is what men do to women.
        Men,
        Unless are really out,
        Will not do that to another man.

        They do other things to show interest.
        I would love the Wolves to touch on this.

  19. So heres my str8 man story, and it mirrors everyone elses pretty much. Nothing ever sexual pop off, but I cant say that I would not want to see what it was like either. We became very close and cool, but his girlfriend and mother were in cohoots together to break up our bromance, I often wonder did he just mention me a little too much. I never mentioned my sexuality, but I know he figured it out, because str8 men will stop asking you about “hoes you are fucking” when they figure it out LOL!!! I went to strip clubs, flirted with girls etc, I got the str8 look and role down, so most of my str8 homeboys always wanna go and hang, but at the end of the day these relationships are empty because you cant be your gay self around them, most str8 dudes are really uncomfortable around out gay dudes, as long as you act like them they are cool with you. My str8 homeboy got married me on me and didnt say nothing, invited everyone in his crew to wedding but me, now that shit threw me for a loop, I believe it was his mother and girl who did this, but hey he could have been a man and told me if we were cool like I thought. After this experience, I dont really get close to str8 dudes, I hang with them but on a real thin level. My str8 homeboy now calls me all the time, asking when are we gonna hang out and he misses our old times together, and I just make up something and keep it moving. This experience actually taught me that life is too short to invest too much in these type of relationships, yeah the str8 boys can be exciting, hot, sexy as I stated in another post, they are forbidden fruit, fun to be around at times, but its nothing like being around your gay homeboys who you can be yourself around and you all know what you like and dont have to pretend.

    1. Tajan:

      Man I hear you and I feel your pain bruh, just a thought not trying to excuse the brother’s behavior, but do you think he didn’t invited you to his wedding because the may have thought that you would be hurt by his getting married, especially if he suspected you may have had feelings for him? For the sake of healing have you ever considered if he calls you again to confront him about what he did? It is less about him and his thoughts and feelings and it is more about you getting appropriate closure to the situation. Also if you just want me to go ova his house and beat his azz for ya just shoot me his address lol.

      1. Hey Killa appreciate you man lol, man I never thought about the closure aspect of it, I put it out of my mind but never have ask him why and I think that would make me feel better to know, I have hung out with him and the wife but it wasnt the same. Also as cool as we were he has never invited me over to him and the wife house to hang out, so thats why I suspect she has some type of feelings toward me, so I know I was someone he must have talked about or maybe she knows something about him that I really didnt know or pick up on. I never suspected he got down but hey I have terrible gaydar, you almost have to be a cross between Lil Richard and Liberace for me to think you are gay. Im sure he misses having a male friend on the level we were on to talk to but hey he has his wife now LOL!!!!!

  20. I became fast friends with this dude in my dorm hall. Usually he either comes to my room, or I’ll go his to just chill and surf the web. Earlier this week I slept in and missed class (Stupid, considering it’s almost finals. Smh), So I get a text from him saying wassup, and I texted back that I skipped class. Then he replies asking if I want him to come by. I thought that was kinda suspect to just jump out and ask that right away. He’s phyne as hell, but as far as I know he’s straight, and I’m guessing he thinks the same about me. Could he be feelin me, or is he just a friendly straight dude?

  21. What’s up yall and I am kind of back from a Vain induced sabbatical lol. Look peeps I think that you all are way overcomplicating the matter, and I think that there is one word will put an end to all of this is he/isn’t speculation that tend to occupy many of us down brothers, and Vain lol. The word is boundaries, and the Merriam-Webster Unabridged Dictionary defines boundaries as: “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.” I like the definition that helpingmorepeople.com gives more as they related to relationships as: “”Personal boundaries” are what separate our feelings, issues, needs and beliefs from someone else’s. To maintain a healthy sense of self, we need to define our own comfort levels for self-disclosure or openness, along with physical and sexual boundaries in relationships.” Now you may have a str8 buddy who you pal around with and your relationship seem to be an endless series of homoerotic episodes, but when your buddy of questionable sexuality say “cut the gay shit” because he is not feeling that then that should be the end of it.

    Homoerotic behaviors is very much the norm for most man to man relationships regardless of their sexual orientation. I can give endless social clichés of men running around with a pig skinned ball wearing tight pants tackling each other and slapping each other on each other asses, or locker room antics of jocks running around naked sporting semi erections while talking about the sizes each other dicks, or the brothers who like watching porn together. I have observed that many str8 guys can be very possessive of their friends, and they hate when they get a new girlfriend or a new interest that does not involved them however they don’t want to have butt sex with the object of their possessiveness. So I think that in life boundaries are what allows us to see a sexy over developed 15, or 16 year old who look like they are 19/ 20 and not have sex with them, boundaries is what allows us not to have sex with our cousins, or preventing us from reading our sister’s diary without their permission.

    Now for the sake of argument that these brothers may be down, or they are thinking about getting down, however they may not be interested in having sex with you. Str8 men and women also engage in this type of thinking; so it is not exclusive to gays in the terms that st8 men and women often have talked to me about the frustrations they experience with a member of the opposite sex that they are sexually interested in. They may say something like I know he/she is feeling me because they always are checking me out, they get jealous whenever I talk about another sexual interest or that they call me every night and we talk all hours in the morning etc. So in my opinion it is more about respecting someone’s boundaries and less about they are sending me mixed messages.

  22. Thanks Butter and Ziah , and in Jamari’s defense he is the reason that I am back he put together a great forum where I can spread around my Top advice (pun) intended lol

  23. Someone asks what series of events happened leading up to he and i being intimate… somewhere some how he began experimenting with guys, i found out being nosey in his text messages and asked about it. We came clean that we both liked guys then later on that we’d always liked eachother.

    But guys.. my guys. Im going through just reading the comments and i want y’all to do the same. I know this is an outlet to discuss and bounce ideas but i’d hate to think we/y’all are thinking in the same way we’re asking questions. Its all “well what if he, does this mean, maybe he is?”

    Im not sure what kind of guys yall are looking to be with but you deserve someone who despite their not being out, feels comfortable enough and feels you’re worth being upfront and real with about their feelings. Straight, bi or gay. you are too good to be trying to descipher what someone else is thinking of you. If they want it bad enough they’ll say it. Or you say it but if there isnt affirmation on his part MOVE ON. He’ll come back around. They always do.

    1. ^i just want to let you guys know each and every one of you should be proud of yourselves.
      You blessings will rain down on you.
      You are changing the game by helping people change their minds of what we NEVER spoke out loud because we never had a voice to speak with.

      Somewhere someone is lurking and you are helping them wake up.

      We need these tough love comments to grow and I’m especially proud of everyone who comments.

      1. So let me ask everyone a question:

        Everyone is saying “well you deserve someone who will come after you…”

        But what if this Wolf is shy?
        Some Wolves may like or even be in love with you but it’s not like going after a Vixen!
        This is going after another man!
        Something we were taught wasn’t acceptable growing up.

        So maybe this is why we as Foxes hang onto the guessing games?
        To see if the Wolf will get comfortable enough to finally “try” something…

        Just because you as a Wolf is confident,
        Doesn’t mean another is…
        OR has accepted he likes men 100%…

        Anyone care to tackle that question?

      2. I said if he wants you bad enough, he will let you know or you let him know how you feel. But if he doesnt feel the same move on. We cant keep chasing after these dudes.

    2. Fox that is so true I have had people in my life when I was younger who I was feeling real strong and when I decided to let them go because it wasn’t emotionally healthy for me because I wasn’t being emotionally validated by them. However they would come running back years later trying to get with at me etc. I have to admit it felt good to confirm that they really was feeling me, however they were still the same emotionally inhibited person that they were years ago regardless of their overt attempt to get me to fuck them. The tough thing was that these were some very phyne and influence brothers.

  24. #whoisjamarifox :
    ^what do you mean by pupils are dilating?
    How can you tell that?
    And I agree with a majority of that list is what men do to women.
    Men,
    Unless are really out,
    Will not do that to another man.
    They do other things to show interest.
    I would love the Wolves to touch on this.

    Dilating pupils are when the eye balls kind of expand, and this is why I said you have to be real close to them to see it happening.

  25. #whoisjamarifox :
    So let me ask everyone a question:
    Everyone is saying “well you deserve someone who will come after you…”
    But what if this Wolf is shy?
    Some Wolves may like or even be in love with you but it’s not like going after a Vixen!
    This is going after another man!
    Something we were taught wasn’t acceptable growing up.
    So maybe this is why we as Foxes hang onto the guessing games?
    To see if the Wolf will get comfortable enough to finally “try” something…
    Just because you as a Wolf is confident,
    Doesn’t mean another is…
    OR has accepted he likes men 100%…
    Anyone care to tackle that question?

    My thing is that you will have to consider the cost meaning is it worth it to approach him and ask him what’s up, or is it just better to put your sexual longing aside for him and just focus on being his friend? I think it is a personal decision that you as an individual have to make. Whenever I find myself in this situation which don’t happen too often anymore. I will just put aside my sexual feelings and focus on the relationship, and what usually happens is that when I look back on that relationship years later I would say to myself “I am so glad that I did not sleep with that person. “Not because it would have been neither a good or bad experience for me;but because getting into that mix with that brother would have taken me off my path and that is why I was struggling with my sexual feelings in the first place. There were several cases in my lifewhen the brother that I was interested did finally make a pass at me, and I rebuffed them, because I had placed my sexual feelings where they needed to be in neutral.

    1. Jamari, though I agree with Killa, if you’re not interested in developing the friendship (and that lone) but would rather test the waters and determine his level of interest, invite him out to events/situations that subtly (to protect him and yourself) yet invariably may lead to “closer moments”. For starters be like “yo, me and a couple of my boys gonna be at me spot tonight to chill and watch a movie with some drinks, come through if want to”. Of course, your other boy(s) won’t be there. Have them call to explain their absence to be even more convincing. Then it’s just you and your “mystery” friend. Put on a romance action movie, like Twilight or something. Action will help balance out the romance. Slyly gage his reactions and following the movie, strike up a discussion about the movie. See if he’s engaged or not in his responses.

      Why that type of movie? He’ll probably wonder about you (not assume you’re gay but he probably doesn’t know too many black men that watch Twilight). If he’s into you, it will get him intrigued. If not (even a platonic buddy isn’t trying to do some things with someone other than his girl, and with her it’s because he has to for the punany!) and his body language in regards to the movie shows it, you can play it off by saying you really like vampire movies (then never try that again with him, lol).

      In any case, that’s only step one. If he passes, move to another situation that’s aggressive subtle but one you can play off if it doesn’t go your way. After 3 or 4 of these (short and to the point), you should be clear as to what his interests are.

      Point being, he’s if he’s truly interested, he’ll jump at the chance to around you, especially in those ambiguous positions/situations (as FoxandTheO said), where you can see the dilated pupils . If not, then you know why…

  26. #whoisjamarifox :
    ^oh this was a good intelligent answer.
    Kudos for sharing this with us!
    But I get what you and the other Wolves are saying.
    Instead of looking at these men as play things,
    Look at them as friends who accept we are gay and keep it platonic.
    No need in ruining a friendship,
    Like another commenter said,
    By trying to sleep with them.
    I’m starting to really get it now.
    I hope everyone else is..

    Exactly and I am not suggesting that it will be an easy task because you feel what you feel. However you have to ask yourself which do you value more his friendship or his dick? Remember regardless if it is str8 or gay sex that having sex with someone will change forever the dynamics of the relationship. After having sex with someone all kinds of expectations and unexpected feelings and behaviors will surface. So do you want to give up a friendship that you really value for about 10 minutes of so so sex? What happens if your friend wants you to fuck him and you are a bottom, or what will happen if your friend wants to fuck you and you are a top? There are a lot of things to consider when crossing that sexual line.

  27. tajan :
    Hey Killa appreciate you man lol, man I never thought about the closure aspect of it, I put it out of my mind but never have ask him why and I think that would make me feel better to know, I have hung out with him and the wife but it wasnt the same. Also as cool as we were he has never invited me over to him and the wife house to hang out, so thats why I suspect she has some type of feelings toward me, so I know I was someone he must have talked about or maybe she knows something about him that I really didnt know or pick up on. I never suspected he got down but hey I have terrible gaydar, you almost have to be a cross between Lil Richard and Liberace for me to think you are gay. Im sure he misses having a male friend on the level we were on to talk to but hey he has his wife now LOL!!!!!

    You are welcome, and man I understand all I can suggest to you that you are probably right that it may be his wife, but probably not in the way you may think. It could just be that she is an insecure evil bitch lol plain and simple and t has nothing to do with your perceived sexuality. I have experienced many of my married friends’ wives who are so bitter and threaten because their husbands are married with children but they are still actin like they are single. This is why after I got a divorced I quit spending a lot of one on one time with my best friend as I did when I was married because my thinking is that single men and married men really don’t have that much in common as it relates to time commitment. I believe that a married man’s priority is to spend as much time with his wife and kids otherwise why be married? If I have to do something social with him, then I make sure I include his wife, and his children whenever possible to avoid alienating his wife and kids. I think that mostly a married men should mainly socialize with other married men and the same goes for married women should not hang out a lot with their single girlfriends.

    Maybe your friend is married with a single mind and perhaps this is a spill over from when he was dating her. Also perhaps his other boys just don’t give a fuck about his wife and her evilness lol and they show up regardless. If you do decided to talk to your boy about your feelings then it don’t make it confrontational make more of I would like to know and when you ask a question use “How come you choose to do this” vs “why did you do this to me?” This way he may feel more secure in sharing his thoughts and feelings with you. Make sure that you let him know as a friend that it hurt you that he excluded you from his wedding especially when he did not give you an explanation. Again this is mostly for you to get a sense of closure than trying and not about your current relationship with him. There are a couple of people in my past that I wish I thought about confronting them about their choices just so I can fill in the blanks about they how comes. Man if you decide to talk to you boy come back and let me know what happen, and if he acts a fool just say the word and I will go ova and kick both he and his wife’s ass and you can throw in the mother too for good measure lol

  28. Ok, so apparently it takes at least 3 of us (Killa, Jay, & me) saying the same thing 3 different ways for y’all to start getting it…lol

    But yes, men need close, intimate, PLATONIC friendships too – and some of their women may get jealous (cuz they’re paranoid over the DL thing), but just realize he is ‘just a friend.’

    I swear if the foxes didn’t forget they’re men too, half of your problems would be solved… 🙂

    1. ^I don’t think that is fair to say that.

      In every Foxes defense, it doesn’t have anything to do with forgetting we are MEN.
      It has everything to do with that fact that maybe if you all were more open and didn’t act like we had to bend over backwards to solve riddles,
      we would all have better communication.
      It is easier for a Wolf because, guess what?
      You have it easier.
      There are 20 Foxes to 1 Wolf.
      We are all fighting to be taken seriously and it can be a hard road.
      We end up getting lead on because when the man of our dreams comes into our lives,
      he happens to be ‘straight’ but plays a wonderful game of Rubix Wolf Cube.
      You three have been great and maybe open to communication,
      but other Wolves do not act the same.

      So do not say that
      because that is VERY insulting to us and I feel we deserve better than that.

      1. Okay, I apologize – that might not have been the right choice of words; what I see/read though is a lot of…passivity. Waiting for what he does; what he says; I wonder if he likes me…all reaction, no action. That’s where the woman comment came from – women expect men to take all the action. Plus we’re the same sex – we’re not some strange creature that has to be studied in the wild. There’s a mindset you guys seem to be in that limits you…cuz some of the stuff I (we) have said seems truly like common sense to me.

        I can’t speak on numbers, I’m not checking for wolves. Don’t know where they are & don’t care. i don’t think it’s that dire though, but I could be wrong. Even if, though, still doesn’t change your approach – just means you have to be patient…and if he’s straight, he’s not the man of your dreams, then is he? Stop fishing in a pool you can’t eat from.

      2. I can see Young and the moderation perspective in the fact that based on most of the posts on this blog (past and present) bottoms do appear to be processing their psycho-sexual issues from a female perspective in terms of what they want from their tops, how they perceive their top’s actions, and how they go about getting what they need/want from their tops. While tops tend to treat bottoms like they are females too. I think both sides are guilty of making assumptions about the others’ temperament or about their baseline behaviors.

  29. ^I can’t speak for anyone else,
    but I know for me: I do not want to be wrong.
    A Wolf knows a Fox.
    A Fox, even if masculine, will show he is submissive.
    A Wolf can be intimidating.
    We always don’t know what he is thinking.
    He may come off straight, but again,
    we are not women.
    So a Wolf will do things to show he is interested…
    … but not in the obvious way we would want.

    So we get trapped into these tales….

    It is normal and natural but this comment section was a wake up call.

    But I accept ya apology.

  30. Man, YBW, KILLA and JAY are right on with all of their answers. I haven’t been on in a while, so I am catching up on the posts. This one in particular, you guys are over analyzing motives and flirtations and everything.
    It seems like when wolves come in and give concrete advice, lessons and methods, foxes still have a bazillion questions and “what-ifs.” OMG! Instead of analyzing, ask your crushes, infatuations, mixed signal givers what their intentions are. Whether they give you the truth or spit some game, stop being so gullible, take the answers for what they are and keep it moving. There are plenty of other people out there.

    This whole fox over analyzing thing is waaaaayyy too much. Could be the reason why wolves move on to the next? #jussayin
    The male friends that I have, we have no problem expressing our love for one another, cause at the end of the day, we hold no judgment for one another and we always have each other’s back. No one gets it confused with being gay or do you wanna bag it, or none of that. and if some of us do, it’s strictly fantasy. Some lines are better not crossed. a thirty minute bang is not worth the loss of a valued friendship/brotherhood. We can all find someone else to fuck.

  31. This is a bit off point but can I just say every bottom is wasting their time trying to bag a (baller) wolf. Sorry Jamari, I doubt you’ll ever meet the baller wolf of ur dreams to sweep u off ur feet.
    This is simply because as men we can NEVER compete with the attraction value a woman has when it comes to pulling a man. have u ever seen a baller with an ugly woman? I think not.
    Also, Wolves have the better end of the deal in this gay business cos they get easy pickings and they also get to do the yummy banging.

    My solution (Which isn’t a solution really, more like a suggestion which isn’t even foolproof) is two fold-
    Either we train ourselves to become straight, or we become tops(or versatile) or just become celibate all together.

    That was 3 options but u get my general drift.

    Anyway, I love ur blog Jamari. Until u get me concrete evidence (of course i use the term evidence loosely, only because i’ll have to be taking your word for it:p) of a normal fox who has bagged a baller wolf, then I believe us bottoms are doomed to be alone.

    Bisous x

  32. Here’s most of you guys problems here-

    -you guys use labels way too much (no offense)
    * like the whole wolf and fox terminology is cute and great because honestly its really catchy, but in my opinion, it also creates a sense of separation and desperation as well. however I do understand that in blogs you do have to use some labels to get the reader’s understanding of what you mean.

    -you guys over analyze everything, like its not even funny
    * If you have a bromance, appreciate it for exactly what it is, until an opportunity arrives for it become more. And what I mean by until it becomes more is that Life is Life, its full of surprises, so anything can happen, don’t shoot your dreams down because you hear stories of it not happening, you just never know what’s going to happen and what will happen. however any little thing that does happen does not require a deep processed thought of how this has happened, why me, what does he means by this, is he flirting with me etc. Your thinking too much. When you ponder on something have you notice that it never seems to be the results you’ve hope for. Just relax!!!! it’ll happen when you least expect it

    -Some of you put these so called “wolves” on this huge pedalstal
    * when you put them on a pedalstal you automatically give them an advantage over you. All the while not realizing that you are contributing to their ego’s, in lighter terms your making them who they are and the way they act. to sound brash: WHEN YOU DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK, THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY GIVE A TWO FUCKS!!!! and makes it an even ball game, I’m totally just saying. Sometimes it just sounds so desperate and weak for “foxes” to act like its a dream come true, when in reality, it could also be a “wolfs” dream to actually meet someone like you. KNOW YOUR VALUE. remember if you are a fox or have fememine tendancies cool thats fine, but no one wants a pansy or complete push over or someone that questions every little thing, that’s what women are for no offense, you have to offer something beside being a sexaul object. remember it has to be 50/50. Just relax and focus on other things like bettering yourself to put you in alignment to what it is that you want. WHEN YOU BECOME GREAT PEOPLE NOTICE!!!!

    -Men, straight men, or wolves and foxes are not just sexual objects
    * When you looking to be with someone or in their presense sex shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind, but it also shouldn’t be the last either 😉 everyone has a preference its human nature, but also realize that when you build an attraction for someone make sure that the person has a personality that is very mannerable and treats you great instead of if he has swag, he looks good, or he has a huge mandingo, even though its would be great to have well except for a huge mandingo ew!!, prefer average, but yeah you should drop the whole sex crazed acts when in a bromance.

    Oh and also not every straight guy or so called wolf is hot!!!! or is a hot experience.
    Oh and Jamari you will get your Devin thomas, because I’m a Pisces and I can see it,

  33. Amen Android amen lol, however on the Devin Thomas thing most pisces hummmmmmm I know are often prone to unstable and intense relationships lol,

      1. LOL well the only thing that Pisces are in tune with is the ability to criticize others, and project guilt around. I love Pisces, but this has been my experience with Pisces, and I have never met a Pisces who has every been lucky in love they usually end up loathing their lovers lol.

  34. #whoisjamarifox :
    ^Devin Thomas is a Scorpio.
    Sorry lol
    Andriod is a Pisces and they tend to be pretty “in tune”.

    LOL Yeah he is and a Scorpio can be very vindictive, controlling, and cold lol.

  35. Well not every Pisces is going to be the same, environments and how a person is raised also ties into it a persons outcome and personal attributes, but you have your opinions and your entitled to them 😉 and thank you jamari I find myself very “in tune”

    1. android prone :
      Well not every Pisces is going to be the same, environments and how a person is raised also ties into it a persons outcome and personal attributes, but you have your opinions and your entitled to them and thank you jamari I find myself very “in tune”

      SO tell me are you in a realtionship now? lol

  36. Killa^ To answer your question honestly, No i’m not currently in a relationship and I don’t mind it, but I know what I want and I’m gonna get it. I’m taking my own advice and focusing on improving who I am so I can offer as much as I would want for my significant other to offer me. I’m young and I have nothing but time so it’ll come I’m not sweating it.

    Jamari^^ To answer your question, You will get Devin Thomas actually, because you believe it, and the ppl reading this blog believe it for you, you know what want and your persistent, and thats confidence. Can’t no one stray you from that path, And besides you never know whose reading your blog and if he himself is, or someone he knows, so you just never, but I believe in you so therefore I’m confident that its going to happen. just simple as that

  37. ^You’re not being a downer, you’re being sarcastic lol and thats fine, but you just might become a billionaire you never know lol, if you put it out in the universe, but have little faith there’s nothing wrong that is there?

  38. hi i was looking for a web like this.. so my story is that i have a friend and this boy , is always joking or that is what i think … he one time grabbed my dick and then he laughed and said your such a gay, then i ask him bout he did and he told me tht it was a joke and that he dont want to talk bout it any more … then he started to hang out more often with the other friend of mine …he always to those games… like touching my chess… he pull my shorts ….he do all the gayest things that sometimes make me wonder ….is he gay or what … but when i go and do those games with him… he say hey stop it are u gay or what? what can u guys say about this?.. sorry for my English im Brazilian

    1. ^he is probably straight and is just doing touchy feely because he is comfortable.
      most straight Wolves play with each other like this.
      So I would relax and think nothing but he is STRAIGHT.
      If he is interested, he will come along some time.
      If he isn’t, then he is still a cool person.

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