ya know foxhole,
someone asked me what i wanted for christmas today.
just a random question from a friend.
i completely forgot that is coming up.
i didn’t put up a tree,
as i usually never do,
but this year doesn’t feel all that merry.
a couple years ago,
my apartment would be filled with christmas music.
you could feel the christmas spirit down the hall.
so when i was asked the question,
i didn’t hesitate on what i what i really wanted…
Continue reading “Christmas, The Most Wonderful Flexing Time Of The Year!”
you ever been out in public,
saw a dude,
and you both were on “the same page”?
because the situation was hot,
ya’ll couldn’t connect in the way you wanted?
the words you both wanted to say couldn’t be said?
oh it has happened to you too?
well that happen to me just now,
actually i think it happens to me all the time…
Continue reading “Words We Didn’t Get To Say”
do you believe in that statement?
does the word “trust” mean something to you?
or, do you just throw it around like the “l” word?
it’s pretty hard to love everyone,
let alone trust them.
as much as we can try,
someone always seem to fuck it up for the rest.
i had to wonder that if we all go around giving our “trust” a little to freely?
every smiling face and great conversation shouldn’t lead to showing our privates.
(see what i did there?)
at what point do you stop trusting and start guarding?
i had to wonder…
who do you trust and are you for sure?
“i played with my heart.
got lost in my games.
ooh baby baby…”
i seriously had to ask myself,
“so add another one to the list?”
all of the mistakes i have made in the past doing “this”,
i go and bump my head and did it again last week.
i see now how i fall in the trap.
he was fine.
no, he was fuckin’ gorgeous.
alas, he ends up being a question mark.
i found my answer…
Jamari I need your advice….
I’m trying to move on from an Ex but it’s just not as simple as it should be. Let me first tell you about the relationship. Two years ago I moved out to Houston Texas to start a new job. I had no friends and no family so I was basically on my own there. Anyway I met my ex boyfriend who we can refer to as “Dream Wolf” at the Gym…i know typical typical. He was a trainer there and the moment we locked eyes it was fucking magic….Like I was speechless and surprisingly he was too. Dream Wolf is 6’2, mixed, and wonderfully built. Actually at the time he was a part time model and his pictures are all over tumblr….some probably are even on here. Anyway he kept trying to make jokes on the way I lift and give tips and he was pretty funny. I liked him…. we saw each other at the gym a few times before exchanging numbers.
Soon after we started dating and it got so serious that we got a place together last summer. Everything was cool for the first two months, sex was okay, I met his mom, he met mine,I would cook, sometimes he would cook, and basically I built a whole new life with him and his friends. The problem was that he was on the low and about 5 years older than me I was about 22 and he was about 27. No one knew the truth about us except a few female friends which wasn’t a problem until he started having baby fever. It might had to do with him getting closer to 30 but he really wanted a baby and he even brought up the idea of us adopting one together. He was really adamant on the idea. So much so that he started working as a manager at Home depot and basically put modeling aside. He also was willing to help put me through med school when I applied. Ever since then I started having bad feelings over the relationship. I started to think we were moving waaaaay too soon and what sense did it make for us to adopt kids when we’re not out. All of those doubts plus alot of small shit made me want to get out of the relationship. And he was a nice guy about it.
Fast forward a year and “Dream Wolf” now has his “Dream Fiance” pregnant with his “Dream Baby“. We tried to remain friends after the breakup which was cool until he met her. She’s perfect Jamari. Even I like the bitch. But it just got to the point where I couldn’t be friends with him no longer….I got tired of seeing their pictures and posts on FB and twitter. So I tried deleting Dream Wolf from my life which was kinda hard since we have so many mutual friends. And now it seems like everything has been going wrong without him in my life.
I lost my job. I had to relocate back home. I’ve been struggling ever since. I just really feel almost like GOD made this man for me….I through him away….and now he is punishing me. When I think about Jamari…nothing was wrong with Dream Wolf. He was a cornball and even though that got on my nerves I miss that and him. Now that I’m putting my life back together I just feel angry at myself and bitter. Like I have no clue on how to move on????? It’s been 4 months since we last talk and I thought I would be over it but I’m not. I’m so bitter that Im not even open to when other wolves BOLDLY try to holla at me on the street.
I want to know Was I stupid for letting him go?
How do I let him go?
And how do I stop hatting myself and feeling so bitter?
Should I try to be friends again?
Let me know your opinion…