Oops… I Did It Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again…

“i played with my heart.
got lost in my games.
ooh baby baby…”

tumblr_mkfobnfvpc1rj2u1ho1_500i seriously had to ask myself,
“so add another one to the list?”
all of the mistakes i have made in the past doing “this”,
i go and bump my head and did it again last week.
i see now how i fall in the trap.
he was fine.
no, he was fuckin’ gorgeous.
alas, he ends up being a question mark.
i found my answer…

i walked into the duane reade around the corner from my crib last weekend.
my intention was just going in there and getting 1 thing.
i usually come out with about 20 various things.
as i was walking in,
i saw the side profile of this wolf behind the register.
he was lifting boxes or cleaning up.
either way,
i saw him.
thing is,
i never saw him before,
but i knew he was new.
when he finally turned around,
there it was.
this tall,
college basketball looking,
sexy ass wolf looked my way.
i won’t even lie…
if he asked to get my draws on the register,
i probably would have given it to him.

his name tag read.
he had this tattoo on his arm of jesus.
lips were plump and a nice shade of pink.
he also looked me in my eyes and was polite to me.
something in my brain switched on.
i wanted him,
i thought about him for days after that.
wanting to go to back,
dressed nice,
smellin’ good,
just so he would notice me.
maybe if i did “something”,
he would want all this good stuff.

that is the trap.
right there.
what i was doing.

he never gave me a clear sign he got down.
i was just mesmerized by his looks.
that’s it.
i never went back to duane reade.
i knew it would be on the intention of seeing him.
chasing him.
every wolf i chased,

we gotta stop doing this to these “straight” wolves, foxes.
we may feel something,
but it doesn’t mean it is true.
we create a fantasy in our minds of how we hope it will work out.
how he will give us a hint,
exchanged numbers,
and then get the best dick of our lives.
because you know…
he looks good so that automatically means he could fuck.

2lcmkj6we emotionally beat ourselves up because we question why it isn’t happening to us.
“well it happens to everyone else so that must mean i am ugly”.
it just means you need to see things for what they are.
not what you want them to be.

that was a life changer i had to share with everyone.
i’m growing ya’ll.
someone get me a cookie.


lowkey: i swear my growth as a fox is tremendous after writing all these years.
i’m realizing my worth.
i hope you all are too.

15 thoughts on “Oops… I Did It Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again, and Again…

  1. Idk I’m be honest and say I’m a jackal in most of these situations. Like I seek out dudes who are straight mostly and make them, no that’s wrong, I bring to the surface rather the curiosity of being with a dude. I feed on their apprehension, and the lust. I let them see how they can have all that they desire or want to desire if they chose me. *smirks*

    I bring them in and get them addicted to the advantage of having me around. So I don’t fantasize about them, nah that’s going always have you dreaming about the what if’s. I plot and plan and prey on them until they give in. Sometimes it takes a while but I’m patient. I don’t stop living, but its all just a game to me because persuasion is real power and persuasion is often more effectual than force.

  2. I called myself growing, but I can not get past good looking dudes, I have a secret crush on this one dude I see at my gym, he is drop dead gorgeous and his body is like a chiseled sculpture. Im just waiting for him to be featured on this blog lol. I know that I am crazy for real, because I want this dude to notice me and acknowledge me so bad,( he has never even said whats up) I always see good looking dudes and just fantasize about them, but this dude has stirred something deep within, its like I just want to kick with a dude like that to say yea I actually talked to someone like him, I guess to feel important or special and I know that he can not make me feel any of those things, hell I dont even know if the dude is str8, gay or what. I cant even believe that I would let myself get this carried away, I am thinking he is just this awesome dude based on his physical. The shallowness in me when it comes to good looking dudes has been one of the hardest things to work on in myself, I have let some good dudes go because they were not that attractive. When I see good looking men out in public, I am more friendlier, will probably buy what ever their selling like garbage mixtapes, oils, etc, just because they are attractive lol. I wasnt going to open myself up like this and be this honest but I know I am probably not the only one with this struggle. #workinprogress

    1. ^you know what tho tajan?
      it takes a strong man to admit that.
      at least you can admit that and be honest with yourself.
      we have all have had that struggle.
      i don’t want you waiting around for years on a fantasy tho.
      i made that mistake.

    2. Oh I feel you. I like this one dude, and I know he likes me for sure. I fantasize about him a lot lol. We just stare into each others eyes all class period. I just wanna hold his short muscular ass in my arms. I can’t believe as big as he is and he’s scared to talk to me. Fuck.

  3. I refuse to let someone make a fool out of me, again lol. Just like my old crush, I see him and don’t see him, now that is progress. The only time I speak is if I walk directly past him. I remember that day I walked directly past him last year(I brushed him we were that close), and he was trying not to look at me and I hit him lol. One day he wanted to speak to me and the next day he didn’t. I know I’m intimidating af but damn.

    Jamari is making progress. Go head.

  4. OMG thank you Jamari! I was waiting for this post for the longest!

    “It just means you need to see things for what they are.
    not what you want them to be”.

    Continue to grow and be beautiful! Never fall into a trap of being castles in your head on someone! Build it for yourself, be the king and may they knock at your doors! LOL!

  5. Jamari I am currently going through the same thing. It’s like I can’t cut it off. I keep chasing these guys and they run. And it seems like every guy I meet turns out to be an asshole. This post means so much I me because everything you’ve talked about I am experiencing now. Idk what to do. And then when I chase them and things go wrong I feel so dumb and alone afterwards.

    But enough with my rambling. Thanks for posting this. I don’t feel so alone now. And that last Britney gif was everything. I miss THAT Britney

    1. ^here is the deal run.

      in life,
      you are going to see many wolves who are fine.
      it is fine to look,
      and even jack off too…
      but that is where it should stay.
      do not bring them with you in your daily life,
      your thoughts,
      your dreams,
      and your fantasies.
      they don’t deserve that.
      you don’t know them.
      they could be your worse nightmare.
      your worth should not depend on anyone but you.
      not your family,
      your friends,
      your cat,
      your dog,
      a superstar,
      or even me.
      until these wolves realize your worth,
      then they will get vip access to all of that.
      until then,
      they are nicely wrapped packages with a “?” inside.

      let this be your last day you experience any sadness,
      any mentally abusive thoughts,
      or any kind of heart ache.
      once you realize your worth,
      it’s like life feels so much better.
      you start chasing your dreams and making yourself better.
      he will come.
      chase YOU instead.

      that’s all i got.

      1. Thank you Jamari. I do need to do some major re evaluating in my life. I want to grow and break away from this so badly. And by the grace if God I will. I thank you again! Chasing me, I dig it.

  6. Yeah you’re growing Jamari. I’m so proud of you! People shouldn’t have to chase anyone they’re interested in. The feeling should be mutual between both parties, so you shouldn’t have to dress your ass off (even though you always should) just to be noticed by someone. If they’re interested in you when you look hit, they’ll be head over hills when they see you looking like a GQ model. I think it’s just in our nature as men to play the “cat and mouse” game. We see something, and we want to conquer it. It’s a game to us….

      1. ^ some like it, but some don’t. They normally give you a sign is they like it or not though. We don’t act like groupies over here…eff that. lol

Comments are closed.