“i played with my heart.
got lost in my games.
ooh baby baby…”
i seriously had to ask myself,
“so add another one to the list?”
all of the mistakes i have made in the past doing “this”,
i go and bump my head and did it again last week.
i see now how i fall in the trap.
he was fine.
no, he was fuckin’ gorgeous.
alas, he ends up being a question mark.
i found my answer…
i walked into the duane reade around the corner from my crib last weekend.
my intention was just going in there and getting 1 thing.
i usually come out with about 20 various things.
as i was walking in,
i saw the side profile of this wolf behind the register.
he was lifting boxes or cleaning up.
i saw him.
i never saw him before,
but i knew he was new.
when he finally turned around,
there it was.
college basketball looking,
sexy ass wolf looked my way.
i won’t even lie…
if he asked to get my draws on the register,
i probably would have given it to him.
his name tag read.
he had this tattoo on his arm of jesus.
lips were plump and a nice shade of pink.
he also looked me in my eyes and was polite to me.
something in my brain switched on.
i wanted him,
i thought about him for days after that.
wanting to go to back,
just so he would notice me.
maybe if i did “something”,
he would want all this good stuff.
that is the trap.
what i was doing.
he never gave me a clear sign he got down.
i was just mesmerized by his looks.
i never went back to duane reade.
i knew it would be on the intention of seeing him.
every wolf i chased,
we gotta stop doing this to these “straight” wolves, foxes.
we may feel something,
but it doesn’t mean it is true.
we create a fantasy in our minds of how we hope it will work out.
how he will give us a hint,
and then get the best dick of our lives.
because you know…
he looks good so that automatically means he could fuck.
we emotionally beat ourselves up because we question why it isn’t happening to us.
“well it happens to everyone else so that must mean i am ugly”.
it just means you need to see things for what they are.
not what you want them to be.
that was a life changer i had to share with everyone.
i’m growing ya’ll.
someone get me a cookie.
lowkey: i swear my growth as a fox is tremendous after writing all these years.
i’m realizing my worth.
i hope you all are too.