I Hate Myself and I Wish I Were Dead


A word that can be like a big ass pimple before a photo shoot.
Don’t they just pop up at the wrong fuckin’ times?
Like, life can be going smooth and then some shit happens and you aren’t as sure of yourself as you should be.
You sit dwelling about what you should have done differently.
Replay the scene in your head and pause to analyze.

It sucks, but what do you think of this statement down below…

We ALL have insecurities.

If you don’t, then you aren’t human… or awfully sure of yourself.

It is not a bad thing to admit you have them.
It IS harmful to live in denial about them.
Some we wear them like a fly ass Armani suit,
while others  are as small as a 1/5 cut diamond stud earring.

When I was a younger cub, real talk, I had many insecurities. I always thought I was invisible. I always found myself competeting for attention and not truly feeling like I was good enough. Half my parents fault and the other half my own that I can now admit. I took those insecurities and used them as my defense mechanism. Some days they can come back to haunt me especially when I feel stuck in a rut and being envious of another’s blessings.

I feel a lot of these things stem from our childhoods. All these hidden insecurities that lurk within us and we expel them at others in different ways. One thing about being a true “Fox” or even a “Wolf” is you need to know yourself and pin point where all your issues lie. You will NEVER be truly happy and satisfied if you do not hold that mirror in-front yourself and look past the facade you put up to fool others into believing you are cool money.

Also, try to NOT depress the rest of the world.
During my sad days, I would tell everyone with an ear drum how depressed I was.
I noticed after a while, people did not even want to be around me.
No one wants to hear your problems because guess what?
They have their own problems and no one wants to always attend a pity party.
I’m not saying you can’t talk to anyone, but try to man up and face your demons.

Why not be thankful for what you have NOW so you can be grateful for what you get LATER?

Life is a much better place without the extra bullshit in your world.
It IS your world and you make your own rules.

Next time you feel insecure, remember that everyone is dealing with some issue.
Lack of something (money, love, sex, confidence, or peace.)
Do not look at the outward appearance and take it as truth.
Always know that inside every beautifully wrapped package has something sitting inside.


9 thoughts on “I Hate Myself and I Wish I Were Dead

  1. “It’s a well known that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. If money is tight, if no one believes in your dreams, if you just want to give up, remember you have a GIGANTIC TRUST FUND of faith that you can use. Get busy spending your faith every day; it can never run out. Your dreams are real. Take action to make it so. Don’t give up. Just press on one day at a time – the dawn will break, my friend, the dawn WILL break!” MASTINkipp

  2. Damn bro thats hella deep, but I feel like that sometimes tho and you just face that shit head on.

  3. Good stuff Jamari! Facing insecurities can really be a difficult thing, but is so necessary for personal growth and maturity. I love your blog!

  4. That’s why it’s always good to have a couple true friends – ones you can really bare yourself & tell them what’s going on…so they can help you out of it. I’m grateful I have those people in my life — and I can be that person to them too.

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