there was a vixen and wolf (before they turned) i was really cool with.
this was during my brief stint as a high school student before i dropped out.
if you came to school late,
you couldn’t get into the building so we met playing hooky.
we had a good time that day.
a week later,
they started fucking.
i’d be on the bed,
playing video games,
and he would be clappin’ her cheeks hard.
they’d let me touch them as they were getting it on.
she had a nice bawdy and he had a big beautiful dick and fat ass.
i was in the room when they tried anal for the first time.
they wanted me to watch.
You know I like watching people fuck.
it was good up until…
a couple of months ago,
the pretty vixen and i got into an argument.
it was over this wolf (jackal?) of interest.
she said that after all he has done in her eyes,
he wasn’t a standup type of dude.
He is a good guy!
He is just misunderstood!
You are being too harsh on him!”
now the pretty vixen is always right in judging folk’s characters,
but i was so into this dude type heavy that i wanted her to be wrong.
it wasn’t until i sat down and got introspective,
i realized he wasn’t shit and was treating me like i was the same.
i was on high-level “pick-me”.
i’ve seen this happen with other gays when it comes to other males.
some have even done it on the foxhole with attentionisitos and onlyfans stars.
it literally comes off like…
i spent my young adulthood looking for a wolf.
“looking” might be a passive word.
i was “desperately searching” for someone to complete me.
it was like i was lego blocks and i needed that one block to make me whole.
i would go outside and come home feeling depressed because i didn’t get any numbers.
when a wolf was even remotely attracted to me,
or so i thought,
i’d cling onto him because i thought he was my shot at feeling complete.
i might even have been a dreaded “pick-me” tbh.
i realized something that took me a while to get to.
it got documented on my IG stories…
i like to remind folks:
“You will wake up and find closure on YOUR time.”
everyone loves to tell you when you should move on,
but YOU have to come to that conclusion on your own.
this is why when your friends step back.
it’s not to make you feel alone but they need you to see it for it is.
that was me with a wolf that i was really interested in all of last year.
he was so sexy to me for whatever reason.
i started to passively hope he would see “me” as i saw “him”.
as i laid in that bed last week because of all the pain i was in,
this random thought came in my head…
some parents aren’t prepared to handle the tough situations involving their kids.
it drives me crazy when i see people think kids are for entertainment purposes and social media flexing.
Go put on that little costume and do that little dance for the neighbors!
You know the one I make you do because you’re my little circus animal!”
having kids is more than that.
it’s a huge responsibility that many aren’t ready for and honestly shouldn’t have.
they be cute until they start rebelling on that ass.
i got a call early from a friend who was dealing with an issue with their kid.
she wanted advice because her daughter was searching porn on her youtube account…
i’m learning that when i really want something,
i have to let it go.
sometimes for my own sanity at least.
i have a tendency to get obsessed with things i want…
wolves i want…
a life that i want…
i think about it a lot and try to stay optimistic,
but the doubts in my mind will find ways to be pessimistic.
i was sent a post from tinsahe about getting what she desired after she detached.
it really inspired me…