“now i’m that futha-muckin n*gga and you’re blocked”

when i was dealing with the work wolf saga,
i kept a private journal of my feelings around the end of that situation.
i came across it in my files and read some of the entries in it.

Foxhole,
I legit cringed.

the part when he refused to speak to me by stonewalling me,
the words i used about myself,
the actual praying he would speak to me again,
and the emotional begging i wrote in hopes we would reconnect again.
i remember how broken i was when i think back to that moment in my life.
the part of having to see him at work every day,
us not speaking,
and him legit using his own emotional warfare to purposely hurt my feelings.
was i innocent in how it crashed and burned?
probably not,
but i don’t think we were meant to be friends in the long run tbh.
i saw this post from chris brown on the shade room and i fully understood it…

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aunt wendy might be sitting in something other than her purple chair

 aunt wendy might be done.
after her jackal of a husband left and her mother passed,
along with the constant health issues,
things just haven’t been looking good.
she is the epitome of down bad.
it seems that allegedly aunt wendy is confined to a wheelchair

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The Universe is one of my most loyal goons

The Universe is always listening,
but we have to ask so the things we want will be given.
it has been hell looking for a new therapist.
i’ve sent countless emails and made some cold calls.

Nothing
Nada
Zilch
“Gone Til Next November”

so i told myself that i was gonna let it go.
i didn’t want to put any more pressure on my plate.
so i put it on the back burner and felt myself move on.
as i was checking emails today…

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the pretty vixen said something that hurt my feelings yesterday.

i use to think really lowly of myself.
it bugs me out how i viewed myself when it came to men.
i was having a phone conversation with the pretty vixen yesterday.
she mentioned something i said to work wolf about her.
in her words

Continue reading “the pretty vixen said something that hurt my feelings yesterday.”

you are special to him right now, but you gonna be over it soon (summer walker)

one thing i realized while listening to the new summer walker album,
still over it“:

We all like to think we are special snowflakes.

we all like to think that they won’t turn on us.
“he treats me differently than he does him/her.”
“he never did what he did with his exes than he did with me.”

in reality tho…

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if you treated them like their ex, they would laid out the red carpet for you (life)

i’ve been thinking a lot about my life as of late.
where i went wrong with the jackals that i thought were in my corner.
it’s a real eye-opener when you wake up from the slumber of stupidity.
the more i apologized for reacting to their bad behavior,
the more it was used against me.


you think to yourself:

“Damn…
If I knew then,
what I knew now,
I would have had insert person here wrapped around my entire finger.”

many of those kind of people were doormats to bigger demons than them.
they met their match with someone else who didn’t tolerate their shit.
this following tweet really spoke to me today…

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