I had to wonder:
Have I been reliving the same scene over and over,
just swapping out the cast and locations?

i had a therapy session that felt like an earthquake,
shaking up everything i thought i knew.
it actually began with a good friend last week.
last friday,
i was on the phone with her for over 8 hours.
when the conversation flows,
i go with it.
anyway,
i confessed how i wanted to be colder, less warm.
i’ve always been a warm and kinda-ish bubbly person.
many people are drawn to my warmth but then some have turned cold,
leaving me in a whirlwind of confusion and craving their acceptance.

It felt like a scene from my childhood,
with my parentals as the original cast.

my friend asked me…

I had to wonder:
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly being hunted,
as if some unseen predator is always lurking just beyond the shadows?

in the animal kingdom,
every creature has a predator that hunts them.
they either learn or are gifted the skills to survive.
even the weakest animals have been given speed.
in the human jungle,
especially now,
we’re all being hunted by something in our backgrounds.
each one of us has our own cross to bear and i call it…

I had to wonder:
Have you ever wondered if being treated unfairly and underestimated might actually be a blessing in disguise?

there’s inspiration everywhere if we choose to open our eyes for it.
take nicole beharie,
my straight vixen crush.
remember her on “sleepy hollow“?
when she she was on there,
she was a beloved character but randomly,
she she got let go.
after that,
the rumor mill went wild.

Difficult to work with.
“Crazy”
I even heard she bit someone(?)

i never saw her defend herself and rightfully so.
when you know something isn’t true,
what’s there to say or font?

to john q. public,
it looked like behind-the-scenes racism.
her character was killed off and they replaced her with a white vixen.
the show ended up tanking shortly afterwards.
nicole went rogue after that which is one of my favorite things to do.
she did some indie projects but nothing major.
then,
like a plot twist in one of my favorite shows,
she was cast in season three of “the morning show”.
look at how God works…

when i was younger,
after losing her apartment,
my mother and i had to move into my sister’s aunt’s house with my step father.
Foxhole,
that house was an absolute nightmare.
it was like a horror movie set in slow motion.
her aunts had given up on life and…

a journal prompt popped up on my phone asking:

“I define independence as…”

my answer?…

Don’t you ever get tired of dealing with people’s shady bullshit?

this morning,
i found myself headed dangerously close on the edge of sanity,
ready to go nuclear over someone’s latest nonsense.
someone i already know to be a certain way but hoping for a different outcome.
my bad.
in life,
we are going to face all kinds of abusive assholes.
i’ve always liked an asshole up front where i can see them.
i hate the ones who throws stones and hides behind a mask of innocence.
thankfully,
a dear friend pulled me back from the brink with a simple yet profound truth…