i’m boring rn.

like animals in the wild,
everyone’s life has a moment of hibernation.
even when it’s a season of partying and celebrating,
YOU might just want to lay in bed and binge tv shows all day.
life gets boring.
you have no social life,
in the middle of a transition,
no one is fuckin’ you or wit you,
and you’re literally not in the mood for any bullshit.
these days,
with no job and in a pandemic with weird violent energy happening outside…

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i move different because i grew up a little different (past life situations)

one of my most favorite celebs i’ve ever met was charity from the show,
deborah joy winans and i talked for close 2 hours.
she is so dope and joy (see what i did there) to speak to.
you would have thought we knew each other for years.
so much so,
we followed each other on my personal social media.
i’m a very warm and friendly person so this is why i took a lot of front desk jobs.
she was one of the many celebs that i met at my last job.
i’ve met kenya moore and she was really friendly to me.
that was 2 years ago and i never posted about it.
even with a platform like mine,
i’ve kept all my celeb encounters super lowkey.
i move differently but i think it all stems from how i grew up tbh.

I haven’t even begun to crack open my past back in Barbados…

Continue reading “i move different because i grew up a little different (past life situations)”

if you treated them like their ex, they would laid out the red carpet for you (life)

i’ve been thinking a lot about my life as of late.
where i went wrong with the jackals that i thought were in my corner.
it’s a real eye-opener when you wake up from the slumber of stupidity.
the more i apologized for reacting to their bad behavior,
the more it was used against me.

you think to yourself:

If I knew then,
what I knew now,
I would have had insert person here wrapped around my entire finger.”

many of those kind of people were doormats to bigger demons than them.
they met their match with someone else who didn’t tolerate their shit.
this following tweet really spoke to me today…

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he is gay but just “can’t be in that lifestyle”

“I just can’t be in that lifestyle…” he said.

the other night,
i had a conversation with an older friend i haven’t heard from in years.
he was actually the first male i came out to when i figured out who i was.
it was right after my mother’s death and we attended the same church.
during that time,
he admitted to me that he has had sex with males but “he can’t be in that lifestyle”.
he came up in the 60s and 70s in new yawk.
you read the stories of how being gay was back then.
he told me he thanks his lucky stars he never got any diseases but he watched many die.
during the conversation that we were having…

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mi amor, you’re such a bore (do something interesting before i snore)

that title thoooo?

so i fonted in a past entry that outside of marvin bienaime shoots,
 charlie is kinda boring.
i mean when you look as good as him,
it’s typical to not be interesting.
you’re either arm candy,
get passes through life/jobs,
or used to breed.
i thought that he was just “mysterious” and that created “the fantasy” in my head.
thanks to charlie being on “love island usa“:

He is really just boring and dry.

he is not made for reality tv.
thats the conversation while he has been on the show.
voting one of the popular sistas off the island,
along with coupling up with a white vixen he has no chemistry with,
didn’t seem to help him much either.

it made me wonder something tho…

Continue reading “mi amor, you’re such a bore (do something interesting before i snore)”

being raised in barbados wasn’t all sunshine and palm trees

my reality is different from some of my family members it seems.
i’m starting to realize that.
even though i love my grandmother,
it is no secret that she was abusive to us.
i think many caribbean people faced a shit ton of abuse.
the last conversation i had with my father made me realize something

Continue reading “being raised in barbados wasn’t all sunshine and palm trees”