“where else are you gonna find an apartment in new yawk for 1700?
tell me that?
you can’t.”

that was one of the last things the landlord said to me.
i’ve noticed jackals and hyenas think they are cursing you,
but it actually turns into God actually blessing you.

isn’t that a verse in the Bible?

i’ve grown up in the new yawk forest for a long time.
there have been numerous friends,
and numerous Foxholers,
over the years that told me it was time to leave and find a new place.
comfort had me stuck but once i was forced to move,
and displaced in an entirely new forest,
i see what they were talking and fonting about.

i made the decision that i’m gonna leave the new yawk forest.
i’m still close but i’m not in the thick of it anymore.

in the complex that a friend opened their doors to me,
i went to look into seeing if i can relocate here today.
i really like it here and it fits the place i can call home.
the interesting part about how much i would need to get in here tho…

“you have had a hard life.”

my uncle said that to me during a recent catch-up.
for once,
i felt seen by a grown adult in my family.
some of my other family members ignores their trauma with religion.
i think it’s easier for him because he watched from the outside.
my mother and him were the rebellious ones; they bounced.
they didn’t stay to deal with what we dealt with.
something clicked after he said it because my whole life,
i’ve been yearning for an easier and softer life.
i think i’ve been lucky,
but luck always came wrapped in bullshit.
on top of that:

i had my own hurt slowing me down.

right now,
i’m being forced to process something from when i was 7 or 8.
a moment that unlocked everything…

whenever you are at a transition in your life,
you end up at a bridge.
on the other side of the bridge is uncertainty.
we don’t know what will happen,
but we do know where we are isn’t working.
i believe when life gets uncomfortable,
you are pushed towards the bridge against your will.
so we end up with a few choices:

a – we slowly walk across the bridge to get to the other side
b – we turn back around and go back to what we are use to
c – we stay stagnant at the start of the bridge without crossing

but what happens when you are uncomfortably pushed towards a bridge…

it’s so ironic that i used that picture on Foxhole stories the day of the met gala.
i loved the outfit and thought the model was handsome.
in my creativity,
i duct taped that pic with a fox head and fonted:

“attending the Met Gala in spirit.”

i saw this tiktok about the model in the actual picture,
even though he is the face of the promo for the met gala this year,
he is actually working a 9-5 or a 6-9.

This is the reality of many of us who haven’t given up.

what self help tiktok or manifestation twitter doesn’t tell you…

This picture is brutal but it is life.
It is the circle of life.

i had a dream about this picture last night and it came with a message.
as you can see,
that picture is a leopard who killed a monkey,
while its child clung to its lifeless body.
it was shot by igor altuna.
what’s interesting is that…

Shawn Mendes admitted recently he is still trying to figure his sexuality out.

i get it.
there was a point where i was in the prison of the struggle.
in a few ways,
i still struggle.
sometimes,
i think many gay folks forget what the stuggle was/is like.
before we became “yassified” and hungry little animals for cum,
there was a fearful place of “nah i’m good” to anything remotely gay.
i’ll never forget…