f0x mail: We Slept In The Same Bed Twice. Did I Mention He Was Straight?

FOX MAIL

I love your site and have been a fan of yours now since about February of this year. I love the advice that you give and the responses that you readers make, its not the usual gay agenda type bullshit lol. Anyways I read your post “Don’t Start The Fire If You Can’t Take Your Hose And…” and it resonated with me. This article describes my life to the tee and I hate it. I am 20 about to turn 21 in August and I have no true success stories from my gay relationships and I have been in MANY since 17 and I have yet to have to actually have anal sex I have topped once. Though I believe I am a Hybrid sometimes I exhibit werewolf qualities and it really bothers me that the only people who I really like are my straight male friends that exhibit some sort of unusual interest in me. I mean like they put me on a pedestal over their girlfriend or mama type shit and I don’t pay them any attention. This “straight” guy once told me that he ‘hasn’t cried in a while and the only way he probably would is if me or his mama got shot’ WTF?? I literally just stared at him and didn’t respond

Yet this one guy who has gotten underneath my skin but there are so many red flags. I met him at FAMU while he was dating my female cousin (1st strike). Once he found out that I was gay we became extremely close for some reason and my cousin started to get suspicious and we ended up falling out over a petty argument. He continued to be cool with me while dating my cousin even going so far as to text me at 3 am just to ask me what I was doing. Long story short he and my cousin broke up and he and I fell out.(Strike Number 2)
Fast-forward a year and we reconciled our friendship after breaking up with my cousin he left FAMU, went back to his ex girlfriend and got her pregnant, and now has a gorgeous baby boy (Strike Number 3). Since he was working two jobs to take care of his son he decided that he wasn’t making enough so he enrolled in the army. I also left FAMU this May so there was a chance that we would never see each other again and he wanted to see me before he left and even though I didn’t understand why but I agreed to meet him at our mutual friends house when he got in to town.

We had established that he had somewhere to stay before he came up here. Yet he gets to Tallahassee and he ends up staying with me sleeping in the same… damn… bed with no shirt on and his muscles and tattoos showing. It took a lot of self-control for me to not lose my virginity to him that night. I tried to make him sleep in the couch the next night and he refused and play fought me ending up sleeping in my bed again every night until we left. After I moved back home he started to ignore my texts and I sent him a message asking him “what happened” and he read it instantly and didn’t respond, so I left it alone and pushed past the situation. He left for the Army 2 weeks ago and I cannot stop thinking about him and worrying about him if he’s alright and its scaring me because I NEVER felt this way about a nigga before no matter how rich or good looking I usually never paid a dude more than dust.

Plus I would never want to date him because even though me and the mutual friend aren’t cool anymore, I feel as though it would be fucked up since she was once a “friend”. What should I do in this situation?

MY ANSWER

Thank you for the compliment and being a faithful reader,
but let’s have a real talk.

I been where you were.
I had a Wolf who did almost the same things to me when I was new to the lifestyle.
We never slept in the same bed,
but he was mind fuckin’ the shit out of me until I was addicted.
Weeks later, he just vanished.
He up and moved to ATL.
I called his house every day and his family was very hush-hush.
To this day I don’t know what happened.
When he came back months later, he wanted to see me first.
We stopped speaking and he now has a baby.

But,
let’s talk about all those red flags first.

First red flag, he was your COUSIN’S Wolf.
That right there should have been the first sign.
We meet Wolves in the craziest situations,
but try to avoid anyone in your family.
Also look at it like this.
What if he met someone else and put you in your cousin’s position?
That alone is the first red flag.

Second red flag, he broke up with your cousin and then you and him both fell out.
That was when it was time to let him go,
but he found out you were gay and still wanted to pursue you a year later.
Or, maybe use you and you didn’t realize?

Third and the worst, he got some other chick pregnant.
Did he have a job?
If not: no bueno.
Kids and no job = no tail.

He appeared to be interested in you
but worst of all,
he was playing games.
He knew what he was doing sleeping in your bed.
He wanted YOU to initiate something.
OR, maybe he was using you for a place to stay and knew you were attracted to him?

The reason you cannot stop thinking about it is because it is a question that hasn’t been answered.
You want him and now he is gone.
Plus, he is ignoring you and we as humans HATE to be ignored.
If he was so cool, why is it ignoring your texts and calls?
Either, he is trying to fight his feelings OR he is an asshole.

My advice…
Take the L and move on.
He isn’t worth the stress because let’s say you do get with him.
Let’s say he does come back and shows who he is.
You will probably get the meanest SMASH of your entire life, get turned out, and then he will bounce again.
Not only will your tail be smashed to smithereens,
so will your heart.
God removes people out our lives for a reason.

He isn’t worth it.
He isn’t even worth sniffing your tail.
Just like my past Wolf wasn’t either.
Take it as a lesson you needed to learn.
Look for it and you will find it.

Check the comments for more commentary!

need advice?
head right to my contact form.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

23 thoughts on “f0x mail: We Slept In The Same Bed Twice. Did I Mention He Was Straight?”

  1. I think that everyone has been in some sort of situation like this I have said this once and I will say it again never catch feelings or get all hot and bothered by a dude that is to scared to admit that he is attracted to men these types are little boys that are to scared to act on there feelings and true desires they will give you hints and clues that they are interested in you but will never go all the way because they are to scared these type of boys are a waste of time and will just leave you looking stupid when its all said and done so just like Jamari said take the L and move on to bigger and better real men that are sure of themselves and know that they like other men

  2. I’m a super direct person straight up. I will ask you what’s on my mind and I will come to some sort of resolution about the matter. I think the fact that most of the men I had dealings with existed outside of my real life made me even more direct and blunt. So I can’t really understand how you guys deal with the elephant in the room and then drive yourself up the wall once its over. I don’t envy that position one bit.

    I have come to understand the attraction to straight men. Gay men are like the processed version of straight men if you will. I don’t mean that in a condescending way but straight men just seem simpler and more sensible.

    None of us really know what’s going through his head, but he could be ignoring you because he isn’t comfortable with attraction to you or because you didn’t give him any ass those nights when you both slept in the same bed.

      1. If being too direct is a turn off, I’m not the one for you period.
        That’s just who I am.
        A long time ago I had a dude once just blurted out “You know what? Fuck it! I like you!” out of no where.
        He felt so much better after he just said it.
        Yes, shit can backfire and hit the fan but that’s still better than nothing in my opinion.

  3. Man it went down like that because you allowed it to. It’s fault and fault brotha. I would have called him out a long time ago, especially because he knows that you are gay, and he still texts you at 3.a.m and wants to sleep next to you. When he wanted to sleep in bed with you, the answer you should have said was NO. If he still insisted, I would have slept on the couch, and I would have explained to him why. As gay and bi men we have a certain mindset. If a straight friend wants to sleep in our bed or something, we will automatically think he’s interested whether we are out, discreet, or downlow. We might look at him different and end up catching feelings for him, and at the end of the day he’s straight\, and we feel like shit. I’ve been through situations like this, but under different circumstances.

  4. When me, my feelings, my effort, my time are involved I’m going to be direct. Yeah, there may be some initial hesitation and fear of rejection, but eventually my desire to know exactly where I stand will win out and I can decide how I’ll proceed.

    Excessive ambiguity isn’t natural in any kind of relationship to me, it just leaves the door open for both parties to form perceptions that are probably incorrect and even more divisive to the relationship.

    I read about some of these situations you guys had with straight men and think “I don’t know what the fuck happened there” Lol. You guys are so afraid so you just go with the flow, which is essentially his flow and then come up with your own explanation for it after.

    A dude like me would be like “What the fuck you want to sleep in the bed with me for? haha ” or at least compliment him on how comfortable he must be with himself to hang around someone who’s openly gay and not feel threatened. Hell, compliment him on the weird, but affectionate way he treats you in some way. Anything that can bring up dialog about what’s going on. Either it will leave the door open to have a conversation about it or he may get offended because he’s insecure about it, but at least he’ll think about it and you want him to do that.

    Some of you all are still trying to figure out what went wrong years later and only he knows. Lol

    1. ^sadly we still hold onto them,
      And they have moved on.
      Either to some Vixen,
      Or some Fox (or someone worse) that was bold enough to go after it.

      Believe it or not,
      this helped a lot of people.
      Thank you JAY.

  5. Hey I’m the one who sent in the letter. I actually wrote this a week ago but I was too scared to send it in for some reason. I agree with everything that you said and I already decided that it wasn’t worth my mental health to be all stressed out bout someone who ain’t into me. From the time he left I had no means to contact him whatsoever because I deleted his number, facebook and everything else he could contact me on.

    But I didn’t explain the “cousin” part correctly… She was just someone who I called a cousin because our families raised us around each other and thats what I was told to call her, there was no blood relation whatsoever. But still she was a friend and I would never move in on a friends man. Which is partly why I never flat out asked his intentions because I didn’t really want to know either way. The reason we fell out is because she admittedly told him lies so that we wouldn’t be friends anymore and it worked. Thats why I ended not being friend with both of them. It was just a big ole ghetto hot mess of a situation. One that I wish I had never gotten caught in but now I know better!

      1. I actually hated him with a passion at first and I didn’t hide that fact from him and anyone else either. He was my type of dude physically, but his attitude turned me off from liking him as a person. But it almost came to the point of a physical fight and my friend begged me to dead it and try to be friends with him since she was dating him and I obliged. It was only then that I realized when he is in front of people he puts on a show but inside he really is deep and is a good person. Plus it also didn’t help that he would change in front of me and his body was the truth lol

  6. Hey I’m the one who sent in the letter. I actually wrote this a week ago but I was too scared to send it in for some reason. I agree with everything that you said and I already decided that it wasn\’t worth my mental health to be all stressed out bout someone who ain\’t into me. From the time he left I had no means to contact him whatsoever because I deleted his number, facebook and everything else he could contact me on.

    But I didn’t explain the ”cousin” part correctly… She was just someone who I called a cousin because our families raised us around each other and thats what I was told to call her, there was no blood relation whatsoever. But still she was a friend and I would never move in on a friends man. Which is partly why I never flat out asked his intentions because I didn\’t really want to know either way. The reason we fell out is because she admittedly told him lies so that we wouldn’t be friends anymore and it worked. Thats why I ended not being friend with both of them. It was just a big ole ghetto hot mess of a situation. One that I wish I had never gotten caught in but now I know better!

  7. There are many dudes bi especially who want their cake and eat it too. They don’t care how what they do affects you or the way it makes you feel. All that matter is that their need at the moment is being met. Its pretty fucked up. When you notice someone who is only concerned with doing what’s convenient for them the best way to hand it is not to deal with them. Ignore them. I’ll tell you, those situations rarely pan out in your favor and there are other underlying reasons why they won’t fully allow themselves to be with you. I guarantee in the end they’d rather fuck a dude they have no feelings for than choose you who they have a real connection with.

      1. It’s sad but it’s the truth. Dudes don’t like to sleep with dudes they care about, but they blow the backs of of the dudes they don’t care about. If you don’t like him why sleep with him? It sounds kinda cruel when you think about it.

        1. ^maybe because they have some kind of feelings and they know the other dude meant shit?
          Not defending the behavior,
          But don’t they do this same shit to women they care about?

  8. I think we all have one of those stories and I appreciate you sharing yours…I agree with Jamari..these bi-curious, confused, fence-straddling guys are clearly USERS of the worse kind; free meal on Sundays, need help with this project, mount the flat screen tv, car won’t start at 2am) Hmmm but they don’t call their boys, why is that?

    They definitely “mind-fuck” you and they know exactly what they are doing, they get off on it, it does something to their ego, a certain boost that women can’t give. The smartest thing is to NEVER EVER make the first move, if they are really interested they will amke the first move and after that it’s a wrap. They think they are in control but actually you are in control, so for you NOT to make the first move fucks their head up big time! Tell the barnacle to move the fuck on like I did…!!! They will get the picture and find another gay guy to feed off of.

  9. Jamari, shit you should have been a psychologist. Your advice hit it on the head. The rest of the commenters were on point too. You got some foxxy muthafuckas following your blog!

    This dude was young. If he wasn’t so young he would have seen this dudes bullshit from a mile away. This is one of those dudes that is probably gay but is probably 10 or 20 years from coming out.

    So he fucks with girls heads, and has babies to prove he’s a “real man.” And flirts with the gay dudes cuz he fantasizes about that shit all the time.

    Leave nutt cases like that alone. That dude is missing out on positive people by wasting his time with this dude and letting him get in his head so much.

    Yeah, I know it can be addictive. When I first came out I got strung out on some sketchy negroes too.

    But sometime in your life you got to put the crack pipe down and live in reality.

    Immanuel from http://www.dlconfessionssequel.com

    P.S. Sorry for being so late to comment. I love your blog Jamari and read it everyday!

    1. ^thank you Immanuel!
      All of my readers are smart and an insightful bunch.
      I hope I am helping some Baller Wolf who is lurking somewhere.

      I read your blog also.
      I am always thankful when you come through and drop knowledge.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

%d bloggers like this: