I have been hurt.
I have been done wrong.
I have been a victim.
I have been an enemy.
I have been many things on the downside of life.
But, for whatever reason, I try not hold onto my past…. anymore.
I try to brush my shoulders off and keep on moving.
Even if something hurts me so bad.
When it comes to dating, I have had my share of hurts.
Hell, I am single now due to partly “giving up to focus on my career“.
It is the Wolves you want that can make you feel so ugly if you are not chosen.
Your low self esteem can beat you senseless…
But I had to wonder even after all the bullshit…
Is it wrong to still see the good in people?
I met him online a couple years ago but,
I remember it like it was yesterday.
He hit me up with no default and it went from there.
We had a wonderful union of chatting back and forth and getting to know each other over texts.
He called me and he had the deepest voice ever.
He had that kind of voice that instantly made you horny.
Ya’ll know what I mean.
He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me.
He would hit me up every day just to say “sup” and see how my day was.
He was “sick and tired of the games and wanted something real”, he said.
He also revealed to me he was a rapper and very much on the D/L.
Young and kind new, I thought I hit the jackpot.
He wanted to see what I looked like outside of the pictures I sent him.
So we decided to meet that night he asked.
Head over heels, I told him to come see me.
I put on some seats, black T, and some sneakers and waited.
Well, this muthafucka pulled up to my spot in a dark tinted Lincoln Navi.
I got in the car and he looked even better than his picture.
He was slim and had a nice shape up.
He wore all black and I had to admit, he was fresh.
He wanted to come upstairs, but I declined because I was feeling this Wolf.
He said it was cool and that he wanted to get to know me better.
We chatted for a few more minutes and then I got out.
That was the last time I would ever see him.
Those next few days, my self esteem ATE ME THE FUCK UP!
“what did I do?”
“did he think i was ugly?”
“was i feminine?”
“was it because i didn’t let him come upstairs?”
“shit, maybe i should have let him come upstairs.”
I replayed the entire scene in my mind,
looking for clues as to WHY he wouldn’t have called.
Finally after wearing myself thin,
I texted him and asked him how he was.
He texted back and told me sorry he has been busy getting ready to go on the road.
He also realized this lifestyle wasn’t for him and he was getting back with his baby mama.
I think I cried after I read it LOL.
I won’t lie to you guys but a Fox was HURT.
I met the
Rapper Wolf of my dreams and I felt he dissed me.
For a long time, that played a part in my not being as open to dating.
It took one incident to change my entire outlook on Wolves.
I notice in this lifestyle, people are jaded.
Wolves think all Foxes are play things.
Foxes think all Wolves are difficult.
Hybrids are just looking for a happy medium.
But we hold onto these hurts and bring them into new relationships and new situations.
We fail to understand that because you experienced one bad example,
doesn’t mean you will experience it again.
We tend to keep these walls up that stop us from being hurt… or doing better next time.
The old adage is “one monkey don’t stop no show…”
But, in this lifestyle, it seems like it does.
I started to wonder on how we hold onto the past…
Why do we allow it to define out future?
Why do we not let go, brush our shoulders off, and try again?
Why do we enjoy the negative?
I started to wonder…