Hamster Wheel

I’m going through changes.

I have been running on a hamster wheel for a number of years now. My insecurities were what was fueling me and kept me going and going; just like The Energizer Bunny on a sugar rush while sipping on a Red Bull. When I thought I was okay, I’d, some how and some way, get back on and start the same fuckin’ routine; the same fuckin’ story.

I would be out of breath and out of my mind. I would look at “a Devin Thomas” and say “He wouldn’t want my ass.” I mean, I’m not walking around with a dump truck on my back. I had this impression you needed an insta-giganta ass or be Thugnificent to entice all the boys. I would comment to Star Fox that he must be meeting “The Devin Thomas” type niggas cause of his bottom….. And funny enough, he was secretly admiring my shape, style, and swagg.

That is why I tell you that you never know who is looking at you.

When I started to look at myself and accept myself, my flaws, and my skin… I started to slow down my running. I also threw out that mental trap that being with a man would complete me. I was looking for someone to show me the love that I wasn’t giving myself. And truthfully, if “a Devin Thomas” didn’t want me then a) that is his loss and b) I probably wouldn’t want to deal with his ass anyway.

This Fox right hurrrrrr… is a work in progress and guess what? I may relapse and get back on the wheel for another spin. But, I like being where I am now. I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and open to what’s important: loving myself 200% with no regrets and no bullshit.

So, to all my Foxes, I say to you: let go and let love. You cannot move forth towards your blessing, holding onto the past or self esteem issues. Also, you cannot find any man to love you if you do not love yourself. Some of the dudes who are pimpin these niggas are not the best lookers but, they accepted themselves and learned some game. I know some bottoms who have these TOPS running around here all mentally fucked up. Plus, there are a ton of bottoms (or TOPS, if you are a TOP reading) competing to take your spot… So why would you let them? You want to be the rule and not the exception.

I feel great and from here on out, anything I want I will not let insecurity stop me. Whose with me?!

Life feels better when you are off the hamster wheel.

Brought 2 U by the Foxberry

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

12 thoughts on “Hamster Wheel”

  1. This is deep…A lot of guys in OUR community have self esteem issues because they don’t think they are attractive or something like that. We just need to get comfortable in our own skin…fuck the rest of the world 🙂

  2. “You want to be the rule and not the exception.” ABSOLUTELY!!! i cannot say that enough to people. And yes, im realizing now that it isn’t necessarily looks that to it cuz even the ugliest bottoms can pull a fine one. So perhaps it is a confidence thing. Its about feeling good about yourself so that others will feel that way about you too. And speaking with someone who’s got some junk back there. Often times, IT SUCKS! It draws negative attention. I had one guy ask if i wore pads (he was trying to be cute. Unsuccessfully.) You are no longer a person but a body part. And you honestly have no idea who’s checking you out. Last guy who tried to talk to me pointed out the multiple times he’s seen me and i was like huh? So project confidence and remember… even the fat girls get fine boyfriends. Guys aren’t as picky as we think they are.

    1. Every man who messes with men needs to read this comment. Beautifully said. I feel everyone, no matter what orientation or gender, can relate to it also.

      Good comment!

      1. Lol except fat girls. Because then they’d feel i think that they aren’t worthy of attaining an attractive man.(But low key… i mean…. what is it?! lol) But i like these posts because i struggle with this all the time. I know that i know these things, however, i’ll be honest and say that there are moments that kind of batter my belief system.

        1. That is why I want to provide the other side of the “fame”, if you will. We ALL go through these things. I’m not saying we should dwell on them and depress people but, sometimes when we let other people know that we are human, they can offer their advice or their stories of growth. Or, we can touch people’s lives (like I did for you). We all insecurities and it is okay to let people in.

          You ever notice those people who put up the facades that are a complete MESS when the facade is removed? See: 90% of celebs, bloggers, and people who front.

      2. True. People do put on masks when they feel being themselves isn’t enough. Its important to remain honest though. I’ve learned that. People are a lot alike and we forget that.

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