i had to been about 9.
around that age,
one of my best friends was a black cub i met at church.
we were like legit best friends.
even though i was different than his other friends,
he appreciated me for me.
i remember his crib was the spot everyone would go to.
all the parties happened at this particular crib.
i would sleep over there regularly in the summer.
his cousins came over and ended up sleeping over.
one of his cousins was cool and a damn pro at “street fighter“.
i noticed he would rub my head periodically.
it was weird,
but most straights are weird tho.
since there was no room in my best friend’s bedroom,
i had to sleep in the living room with best friend.
he was on the couch; i was on the floor.
the next morning,
i woke up and he was already gone.
i figured everyone had resumed playing “street fighter”.
it was like slow motion walking to that bedroom.
i’ll never forget it what i heard…
you know what foxhole?
i was thinking about something today and it blew my mind.
The foxhole is the only place I have ever felt comfortable to be myself
in my life…
you don’t know the power you have until someone is under your spell.
sometimes that power can turn the straightest of wolves out.
now not every wolf you meet will be gay.
some might be bi,
or “i only do this with you and no one else”.
the greatest power we all posses is making people feel comfortable.
allowing people to be themselves is something not many of us can do.
when you meet other animals,
and allow them to let down their guard,
that can be the most powerful weapon in your arsenal…
Continue reading “The Power of Being Comfortable”
Everyone has a different experience in this lifestyle.
Some of us can walk out the door and start sucking a dick by the time you turn a corner.
Others meet Wolves once we get them comfortable.
A majority however are not meeting anyone.
It is what it is, ya know?
I believe it is all in your season.
At that time, you are you most confident and your sex appeal is highest.
Sometimes, a nigga is just having an OFF moment.
But, what happens when you meet a Wolf you think gets down and he is slowly going about the connection?
You know that wack “I’m really undressing you with my eyes” bullshit.
How do you successfully get him out his fur?
And, would he ever come out?
I had to wonder…
How do you rescue the Wolf who is trapped in his own closet,
but trying to get into yours?
I’m going through changes.
I have been running on a hamster wheel for a number of years now. My insecurities were what was fueling me and kept me going and going; just like The Energizer Bunny on a sugar rush while sipping on a Red Bull. When I thought I was okay, I’d, some how and some way, get back on and start the same fuckin’ routine; the same fuckin’ story.
I would be out of breath and out of my mind. I would look at “a Devin Thomas” and say “He wouldn’t want my ass.” I mean, I’m not walking around with a dump truck on my back. I had this impression you needed an insta-giganta ass or be Thugnificent to entice all the boys. I would comment to Star Fox that he must be meeting “The Devin Thomas” type niggas cause of his bottom….. And funny enough, he was secretly admiring my shape, style, and swagg.
That is why I tell you that you never know who is looking at you.
When I started to look at myself and accept myself, my flaws, and my skin… I started to slow down my running. I also threw out that mental trap that being with a man would complete me. I was looking for someone to show me the love that I wasn’t giving myself. And truthfully, if “a Devin Thomas” didn’t want me then a) that is his loss and b) I probably wouldn’t want to deal with his ass anyway.
This Fox right hurrrrrr… is a work in progress and guess what? I may relapse and get back on the wheel for another spin. But, I like being where I am now. I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and open to what’s important: loving myself 200% with no regrets and no bullshit.
So, to all my Foxes, I say to you: let go and let love. You cannot move forth towards your blessing, holding onto the past or self esteem issues. Also, you cannot find any man to love you if you do not love yourself. Some of the dudes who are pimpin these niggas are not the best lookers but, they accepted themselves and learned some game. I know some bottoms who have these TOPS running around here all mentally fucked up. Plus, there are a ton of bottoms (or TOPS, if you are a TOP reading) competing to take your spot… So why would you let them? You want to be the rule and not the exception.
I feel great and from here on out, anything I want I will not let insecurity stop me. Whose with me?!
Life feels better when you are off the hamster wheel.
Brought 2 U by the Foxberry