“The key to change… is to let go of fear.”
Easier said than done, right?
They say that once you let go of your fears,
your world is an easier place to live…
Well, um, how do you do that exactly?
I am the type to go head first into things I am scared of.
Get on a roller coaster in Vegas on the stratosphere.
Buy something expensive that may drain my wallet until next pay day.
Take the MTA in the Concrete Forest after a certain hour in the hood.
…but when it comes to Wolves,
I am like a virginal white girl in a teen movie.
I am over that scene.
This actually manifested into something bigger than I thought.
I will admit I have put a Wolf on a pedestal when I should have put him as my foot stool.
Well, if he is either fine or curious and I suspect he is.
I noticed that if he is ugly or un-intimidating,
I can wrap him right around my middle finger and he falls in love.
REWIND…
I remember when I was working at this one job couple years ago.
I was a coordinator at a school dormitory,
so you know I was seeing sexy ass Wolves every day.
Well, this one Wolf moved in and he was F I O N E.
He was my exactly my type of Wolf:
Tall
Muscular
Brown Skin
A part time model
When he first got there, he was always smiling at me.
He would always make it an effort to say hello with a nice stare/smile or a wave.
He would stare at me, which often times made me look away in nervousness.
One day I got the effort to speak to him and we hit it off.
He would come to my desk and have conversations with me before he went to class.
I was sure I was right about this one.
He invited me to a show he was modeling at one Saturday.
Well, when he walked down that runway shirtless in those swimming trunks,
it did so much things to me.
His pecs sat so right on his chest and his abs were so defined.
All due to working out religiously and playing basketball at the dorm.
He let me know his girlfriend was coming for the weekend.
When she got there, she was polite but I think she could see right through me.
I only saw her twice…
the second time was when he was leaving to move to Miami.
I decided I would send him an email asking him if he wanted to hang out and go for drinks.
It was a pretty bold move on my part, but I wanted answers.
I can’t remember how it exactly went but he sent me an email back talking about:
“Thank you for the invitation but I want to make something clear.
I am not a homosexual and I would not feel comfortable hanging out alone.
If you want to hang with me and my friends for my last night,
that is fine… “
Needless to say,
I never went and he and his girlfriend sent scorching Jamari seeking attitude missiles every time they saw me while moving.
That situation is where I thought I was right and ended up being wrong.
The fear was created because I do not want to be in that position again.
I got rejected and that is a big fear for most of us: rejection.
We are all scared of something.
We would not be human if we weren’t.
But, what if what makes us scared actually defers us from truly living life?
How about if it stops us from looking for a Wolf?
How do we stop something that is already pre-programmed in our mind from past trials and errors?
When it comes to fear and being stagnant…
How do we stop being scared?
Quoting Joesph…
“if a dude likes/prefers women there is nothing we can do to get him to be with us/love us. Yet, the dick/brain part will tell him, Hey I need a warm mouth/drama free hole and this fag is here so why not. When it’s all said and done, he got his need met.”
so f**king true!!!!!!!!…
took me a long time to figure that out….
A song that i feel everyone should listen to is Independent woman part 2 by destinys child. It can apply to foxes just as well as vixens and maybe even some wolves. My 2 cents
Let me just say that I don’t know what is worse: the straight dude-gay dude relationship of >10 years ago or the straight dude-gay dude relationship of today. Let me explain.
10 years ago straight dudes would not even come near a known gay dude and if they did it was truly on the low-low. Now, this had its disadvantage and advantages. Back then we could tell a straight dude apart in a heartbeat: he was hood all the way. The clothes really made the man. Thug wear wasn’t a fashion trend it was a lifestyle. There was minimal interaction and homophobia was rampant. You stayed on your side of the street and I in mine. It didn’t matter if dude was alone we just didn’t try that shit. Yes, we fantasized, beat off to their name but we left it alone.
Now a days it is all different. You can’t tell us apart anymore. The lines are blurred to a point that it brings about a host of other issues. Straight dudes are too in tune with fashion, taking care of their bodies to the point of obsession and, hell, are bit too damn cultural. I want you to accept me as your equal, damn it, but don’t steal my swag and pull it off better than me. And to make matters worse they crave our attention. While there are many that flirt with their curiosities, (and it doesn’t matter how much we trick ourselves into believing they are gay–because unfortunately we still think every man is gay) the reality is that the majority are not gay. They are a reflection of the times. Damn you Kanye!
Coincidentally, today my brother went on a job interview. We had lunch after. His prelude into telling me about the job was to tell me how he flirted with the hiring manager who happened to be gay. “He was flirting with me so badly that I said, fuck it, let me use it to my advantage, So, I played his game.” Yes, my 22 year old straight brother decided to play the game. He got the job. Which brings me to Jamari’s entry. Straight dudes are so aware, because we are so reckless about it (damn the gay liberation movement!), that they are using our weaknesses against us. We, of course, have always craved their validation to satisfy our feelings of “not being a real man because I am gay” so we fall for it like moths to a flame. They know we want them and can use us to get what they want whether it be studying for a test or sucking them off. For many of us the instant gratification of getting that straight dude attention or sexual conquest is sufficient enough that we don’t see what we are doing.
I think we need to accept that while sex is an animal instinct hormone ain’t got nothing to do with sexual orientation. While sex/relationships for women is very much a matter of the heart, for men its a dick/brain thing. It’s logical but illogical. What do I mean by that? No matter what they exterior says, if a dude likes/prefers women there is nothing we can do to get him to be with us/love us. Yet, the dick/brain part will tell him, Hey I need a warm mouth/drama free hole and this fag is here so why not. When it’s all said and done, he got his need met. We need to man up and stop internalizing these hetero ideals that a real man is rugged and tough and will back break us and we will iron his socks because his straight dick is that good and let them be. For they will forever continue to chase the video ho’s.
We attract who we are ready for. We need to start loving ourselves for who we are (for our self perceived flaws and the flaws society put on us) and then we will receive that love in return.
But, if what you are content with is dick, then keep on chasing that ever so elusive dangling carrot gurls.
All the best,
Joseph
PS. Damn, Jamari I’ve done wrote you a book.
I really had to read this like 3 times.
So well put and so true.
I really feel like I will halt putting a blog up for the early part of the morning.
I need every to read this.
thank you Joseph for sharing your thoughts and words with us.
Joseph, smh. even though i never been the type to go solely after those types of guys u still gave me a much needed reality check, so well written.
Well at the end of the day…nothing ventured, nothing gained. Kudos to y’all for at least trying. Fuck the person thinking that they can shut shit down after attempting to get with you on the sneak. And then will try to confuse you and the situation when shit didnt go as they probably planned. These dudes sound like they were covering their asses.They got caught and they girls found out so they back tracked.You’re right, everybody is scared of rejection. Nobody has complete control over life. I just think its time for the fox to have the same interior as the wolves do. We gotta stop wearing our hearts on our sleeves.
Let the church say “Amen!”
Lol I had the same thing happen yo me when I was in school except the wolf I was talking to used me for class and weed. He was a football player so u know I was head over heals but I was on the let’s be friends kick cause my fox sense new something was up. Well needless to say when we would smoke his pet fish would pop up every time and I was coo hell I was high. So one day during our final we had a project do and he brought the weed and his book and all we did was study. I get a text from my home dude that she sayin I tried to have my way with her man and tried to make him gay, well I was not let that fuck up my final so I waited till we were done and I approached both of um. He was like yea dude unwas commin on to me kinda hard and I told my girl and she said u were. Now he may have been a line backer and shit but I workout every day and a strong 185 (at the time) so I was like dude if u wana box it’s what ever and don’t think bout jumpin cause my boys will be here in a sec. All inwas trying to do was help his dumb ass pass our Com pu tech class and the shit turned sour so I’m kinda like you Jamari on this. I may dream and fantasize but that’s it now, Im not scared I’m just going cautious and checking out the whole scene to know the wolves true intentions. Cause you never know is someone is real or just using you to get a B
^and see, that is the thing.
Wolves today who think they are fly want to use you for your kindness.
they do not care if they know you are a Fox,
they will use that against you.
I mean it totally caught me by surprise I mean he was a dream boat but i was lookin at the grade. But the pet fish wa the one who told him I was a fox. It not my fault if your insecure with your looks baby doll. He later tried to say he was sorry but that was for our trig class which he failed and I got a A. PS don’t mind the type-os I’m on my phone
I understand how you feel…for me its finding a job that I went to school for. I got a couple of hits when I mailed out or emailed my resume but nothing official. That is until I went into I guess “thirsty” mode and followed up and sort of harassed the person doing the hiring. I too, was nervous to call because I was like what are they going to think of me for calling but I had to know that answer whether I got it or not. Sometimes I did get “why are you calling, don’t call for this job again,” but sometimes I lucked and got the “o thanks for reminding about that position being open.” Which lead to a interview. To make a long post short, as a friend told me, “Step out on faith! God will carry you the rest of the way. Expect the worse and hope for the best.” If you got a jacked up response and you feel the need to cry, cry it out and move on the next one. It’s their loss.” Remember Beyonce’s new song, “Best I neva had. I thank God you blew it.” In the end tho, I do Thank God for not letting me have that job. Cause I have heard some not so good things about em. I will say thou after getting rejected a couple times for a job, now being older, I can say ” It’s only job the most they can say is no. To you, I would say, It’s only a “good looking” man. There are more who will lust after you! YOU have to take that leap and step out on Faith and if its right it will happen, but if not, cry or do what you need to do and move on the next!
good read best.
do you have a better job now?
No still stuck at the same job. I figure a job is better than no job. So I have to suck it up and hopefully pray that 3 and 1/2 years of college didn’t go to waste.