“The key to change… is to let go of fear.”
Easier said than done, right?
They say that once you let go of your fears,
your world is an easier place to live…
Well, um, how do you do that exactly?
I am the type to go head first into things I am scared of.
Get on a roller coaster in Vegas on the stratosphere.
Buy something expensive that may drain my wallet until next pay day.
Take the MTA in the Concrete Forest after a certain hour in the hood.
…but when it comes to Wolves,
I am like a virginal white girl in a teen movie.
I am over that scene.
This actually manifested into something bigger than I thought.
I will admit I have put a Wolf on a pedestal when I should have put him as my foot stool.
Well, if he is either fine or curious and I suspect he is.
I noticed that if he is ugly or un-intimidating,
I can wrap him right around my middle finger and he falls in love.
I remember when I was working at this one job couple years ago.
I was a coordinator at a school dormitory,
so you know I was seeing sexy ass Wolves every day.
Well, this one Wolf moved in and he was F I O N E.
He was my exactly my type of Wolf:
A part time model
When he first got there, he was always smiling at me.
He would always make it an effort to say hello with a nice stare/smile or a wave.
He would stare at me, which often times made me look away in nervousness.
One day I got the effort to speak to him and we hit it off.
He would come to my desk and have conversations with me before he went to class.
I was sure I was right about this one.
He invited me to a show he was modeling at one Saturday.
Well, when he walked down that runway shirtless in those swimming trunks,
it did so much things to me.
His pecs sat so right on his chest and his abs were so defined.
All due to working out religiously and playing basketball at the dorm.
He let me know his girlfriend was coming for the weekend.
When she got there, she was polite but I think she could see right through me.
I only saw her twice…
the second time was when he was leaving to move to Miami.
I decided I would send him an email asking him if he wanted to hang out and go for drinks.
It was a pretty bold move on my part, but I wanted answers.
I can’t remember how it exactly went but he sent me an email back talking about:
“Thank you for the invitation but I want to make something clear.
I am not a homosexual and I would not feel comfortable hanging out alone.
If you want to hang with me and my friends for my last night,
that is fine… “
Needless to say,
I never went and he and his girlfriend sent scorching Jamari seeking attitude missiles every time they saw me while moving.
That situation is where I thought I was right and ended up being wrong.
The fear was created because I do not want to be in that position again.
I got rejected and that is a big fear for most of us: rejection.
We are all scared of something.
We would not be human if we weren’t.
But, what if what makes us scared actually defers us from truly living life?
How about if it stops us from looking for a Wolf?
How do we stop something that is already pre-programmed in our mind from past trials and errors?
When it comes to fear and being stagnant…
How do we stop being scared?