do you know when something is over?
are you capable of letting go?
or, are you a glutton for punishment?
do you like the abuse?
is your self worth so low that you will take whatever without realizing you deserve something better?
sometimes we want to return to something in the past.
something that feels comfortable.
maybe even try again because it looked like it has changed.
you thought it was a act of god disguised as a blessing.
… but secretly, it was a nicely wrapped lesson.
i learned my lesson…
but sometimes things haven’t changed.
the honeymoon period ended within 2 weeks.
things have gotten way worst.
you are slowly being treated like shit again.
you start being lied too again.
promised false dreams.
old ways start to rear its ugly head again.
i closed out the week at my old job.
i made my exit friday evening officially.
nothing has changed.
those mofos are still doing the same shit… but worst.
my old boss started trying to take advantage of me again.
they started getting rid of all the blacks one by one.
i’m not with that shit.
i started feeling the effects of stress.
i was waking up everyday and feeling depressed.
my anxiety started acting up full tilt boogie.
i wasn’t posting as much because i couldn’t focus.
i was depressed because i wasn’t posting.
job started becoming, “my life”.
every employee there was sad and depressed.
scared and walking on egg shells.
i saw fed up but satisfied in people’s eyes.
everyone was happy to see me back,
but asking so many questions.
“why did you come back?”
“you are too good for them jamari.”
“they are going to use you up and spit you out.”
while being there,
i witnessed them fire a co worker.
she worked there for 15 years.
she was faithful.
did as she was told.
followed the rules.
tried to never miss a day.
they let her go because she didn’t smile.
….yes, because she didn’t smile.
i did learn something positive while being there for a month 1/2.
i realized that i need to focus on my business.
ijf and what it can become.
find another job as i work on what i love.
going backwards would not have helped.
it only made me see the lack.
and how strong i have gotten by leaving them.
i had to put the situation like i was in a relationship with a baller wolf.
we broke up because he was an asshole.
he called and i went back.
it started out great,
but slowly but surely,
he went back to his same old ways.
first of all: i wouldn’t have went back to him.
i’m thankful for my co worker reaching out.
but a fox expects bigger and better.
that ain’t it.
- I Turned Him Out With Good Food, Good Sex, Good Talk… and He Bought Me A House. (insidejamarifox.com)
- Evelyn Lozada Said “Oh This Mofo Is Broke…. DEUCES!” To Her Lawyer Before She Filed (insidejamarifox.com)