i think a lot of people lost their spark around 2020.

for me,
it started the first week of 2020.
getting let go from my last job the way i did,
along with the whole “ww3” situation…

that was the beginning.

…then the RONA hit and even though my introverted side was like,
“come thru peace!”,
there was still this underlying fear like life could end at any moment.

personally,
i don’t think we ever really recovered from that.

after that,
everything with people in my life or radar started going in all kinds of directions.

some of them went completely nuts with conspiracy theories.
i started seeing people lose their minds due to vaccines and/or clubhouse psychobabble.
folks started becoming parents and here i was,
feeling like the outcast again because i don’t want any.
other people lost their financial stability,
while a few others lost relationship stability thru unexpected deaths or horrible breakups.

my life was changing and i was going through many of those things as well.
fast forward through layers of other bullshit,
at the end of last year:

i was kicked out of a place i called home for almost two decades,
and brought into a new situation that has triggered old and new traumas.

i have felt like i’ve been on autopilot.
i feel like how cinderella was,
having to clean that big ass house and deal with those she-jackals shit everyday.

that vixen lost her mind so bad,
the animals were singing.

even now,
with a new job and a fresh start,
i don’t feel settled.
i feel like i got it to make someone else happy.
i’m out of a survival situation but into a different version of it,
like i traded one kind of pressure for another.
…and oh!

…and amongst all that shit,
77 million people decided to cast us against our will in a political sequel.

so yeah,
many of us feel stuck.
we are still trying to find our way back to ourselves.
i miss when i truly felt happiness.

hell,
i miss when i was a happy hoe and no wolf was off limits either.

so yeah…
when amber riley asked who’s trying to get their spark back?

i felt that.

because i think a lot of us are and not just trying to be okay…

…but trying to feel like ourselves again.