i was trying to sleep and all i heard was barking.
it was 4 am.
chaos agent decided to foster another dog.
it woke me up out of my sleep and i was so tight.
i had to up at 730 am for work.
all the other dogs were quiet in the early morning hours.
the last puppy temperament was so chill.
he was 3 years old.
this new puppy is only 3 months old.

teething and restless.
heavy.

not only that,
i only knew this dog was coming the day before.
i just know i was sleeping but i was so annoyed.
in a rage,
i was gonna text all of my friends…

you know what my biggest issue is with DL or curious wolves?
since everything is on their time,
you’re always catering to them to make “the move”.

that could happen tomorrow.
that could happen six months from now.
that could happen never.

all that back and forth is trash and honestly…

one of the last things my mother told me on her deathbed was:

“make sure you and your sister don’t get separated.
i want you both together.”

…and i tried.
if it wasn’t jackals circling her money,
it was relatives coddling her because she was “light skin”.

Foxhole,
it was a challenge.

i often wonder what our lives would have been like if we moved to florida?
we were supposed to go live with our uncle,
but tbh,
his life crashed and burned a few years later.
as my sister got older,
her mental health got worse and worse.
unfortunately,
we don’t have the kind of relationship my mother wanted for us.
she hits me up ever so often with “i’m gonna do better” DMS.
i don’t answer because she isn’t gonna do better.

i’ve been seeing a lot of discourse online about rue,
who is played by zendaya on “euphoria“.

people saying lexi was mean.
people saying her mother should have tried harder.
people saying they wanted a happier ending for rue.

mmm.

until you’ve loved someone struggling with addiction,
or severe mental health issues…

in many instances,
each and any of us are the drama.
there are people who look at like like:

“damn,
they always got some shit going on.”

we all have issues,
crazy,
quirks,
and kinks.
we have all done shit that we could be judged heavily for.
i watched a movie called,
“the drama“,
and Foxhole:

IT WAS SO GOOD.

without giving it away,
“the drama” was one of the characters revealing “the worst thing they ever did”.
what they admitted was a doozy but personally,
i wouldn’t have reacted so harshly.
i have emotional intelligence and would at least need more context for the “why?”.
everyone ain’t me tho.
while all the other characters admitted to doing things much worse,
they took turns dog piling on the character who shared their truth.
this bitch:

…being the “everyone else“.
the movie made me think of when you’re asked to tell your truth…

a wolf slid me his number yesterday.
i had spoken to him on the phone at work and he sounded cute.
like,
really cute.
usually,
that is not the case with some males on the phone.
anyway,
the part that got me was when he said…

so last night i got off work,
met up my neighbor to watch the latest episode of “euphoria”,
and when i got in at around 11pm…