one of the last things my mother told me on her deathbed was:

“make sure you and your sister don’t get separated.
i want you both together.”

…and i tried.
if it wasn’t jackals circling her money,
it was relatives coddling her because she was “light skin”.

Foxhole,
it was a challenge.

i often wonder what our lives would have been like if we moved to florida?
we were supposed to go live with our uncle,
but tbh,
his life crashed and burned a few years later.
as my sister got older,
her mental health got worse and worse.
unfortunately,
we don’t have the kind of relationship my mother wanted for us.
she hits me up ever so often with “i’m gonna do better” DMS.
i don’t answer because she isn’t gonna do better.

i’ve been seeing a lot of discourse online about rue,
who is played by zendaya on “euphoria“.

people saying lexi was mean.
people saying her mother should have tried harder.
people saying they wanted a happier ending for rue.

mmm.

until you’ve loved someone struggling with addiction,
or severe mental health issues…

in many instances,
each and any of us are the drama.
there are people who look at like like:

“damn,
they always got some shit going on.”

we all have issues,
crazy,
quirks,
and kinks.
we have all done shit that we could be judged heavily for.
i watched a movie called,
“the drama“,
and Foxhole:

IT WAS SO GOOD.

without giving it away,
“the drama” was one of the characters revealing “the worst thing they ever did”.
what they admitted was a doozy but personally,
i wouldn’t have reacted so harshly.
i have emotional intelligence and would at least need more context for the “why?”.
everyone ain’t me tho.
while all the other characters admitted to doing things much worse,
they took turns dog piling on the character who shared their truth.
this bitch:

…being the “everyone else“.
the movie made me think of when you’re asked to tell your truth…

a wolf slid me his number yesterday.
i had spoken to him on the phone at work and he sounded cute.
like,
really cute.
usually,
that is not the case with some males on the phone.
anyway,
the part that got me was when he said…

so last night i got off work,
met up my neighbor to watch the latest episode of “euphoria”,
and when i got in at around 11pm…

i think a lot of people lost their spark around 2020.

for me,
it started the first week of 2020.
getting let go from my last job the way i did,
along with the whole “ww3” situation…

i saw ^that online that felt like my brain on paper.
i’d like to add on:

The Foxhole.
being social.
rihanna’s social media presence.
the person i stay with.
the person i stay with.
THE PERSON I STAY WITH.
my own space.
my own space.
MY OWN SPACE.

…and i’m sure there are more in the reserves.
everything in my head is talking at once,
and it made me realize something…