have you ever noticed how life seems to get the loudest right before the home stretch?
for the last few months,
i’ve been counting down the days until i could finally have my own space again.
a mix of anxious but excited energy flowing through me.
i kept telling myself:

“just make it to the finish line.”
you’re almost there.”

and time went by quick but well:

the finish line decided to move.

and Foxhole,
it has me BEYOND exhausted…

i think a lot of people lost their spark around 2020.

for me,
it started the first week of 2020.
getting let go from my last job the way i did,
along with the whole “ww3” situation…

i won’t even hold you but last week drained me dry.
i was at an empty and the only way i could get a refill was to step away.
has anyone noticed the forests have been non-stop confusion lately?
since __________,
we haven’t had a break or a moment of peace.
if it ain’t been this; it been that.
so last week,
you all know we witnessed a(nother) murder for the forests to see.
i was pretty indifferent to it but what really drained me…

most people are used to being treated like shit.
it’s a familiar language to them.
this is why with some males,
when you treat them like shit,
they will chase you even harder.
that requires your energy to be one of:

“I’m used to dealing with men,
whether fine or not,
and you aren’t acting what my worth requires.”

many of us are too insecure to get to that point.
when we have an open spirit,
everyone will try to find a way inside.
one of the foxholers sent me this video on twitter…

Continue reading “watch out for those folks who only want to suck you dry” →

so i’m sitting here,
watching celebrity apprentice,
and i get an alert that money was taken out my account.
i was now officially overdraft.
my account was drained.
my first thought was:

“what the hell????”

so then i get another message…
Continue reading “I Just Got Drained” →

this job is really started to get to me.
i’m feeling sick,
my hair has been breaking off,
and i’m just drained.
i’m completely drained.
i wanted to write about draya,
micheal brown,
and some other stuff…
but i’m mentally not here tonight.
i need a minute to get it together.
i’m gonna go to bed early.
i apologize to the foxhole.
lets reconvene tomorrow?

lowkey: send some prayers my way.
i need it.

love,
jamari