mental homework (4)

So I was turned out mentally by this comment Killa left Saturday.
It can basically be added onto the entry I just wrote below.
He left it under the epic entry: How To Have Premium Pussy (Without The Pussy)

Check to see what he said…

No lol I think that it is a matter of opinion and how a person has been orientated to the life style. My experience with gay brothers who have been down forever and who entered the life say between the ages of 14-18 are much more jaded than gay brothers who have enter the life style at a much later age say between the ages 25-30 are usually are not as jaded as their younger counter parts. The reason being and this is just a subjective hypothesis, but a kat who entered the life style between the ages of 14-18 are mostly bottoms who were turned out by older top dudes. They are orientated to the life style by sucking dicks, or getting topped like crazy with very little appreciation. They are usually either very closeted in middle school or in high school that is if they can stay in the closet because many of them are very effeminate. Their day to day living is filled with shame and self loathing often having to love the other so called str8 boys from a distance. Once they graduate high school many of them never learn relational coping skills than say the str8 brothers who had girlfriends, and by time they graduate and they leave high school they enter into the club scene and the social network scene where they attempt to find validating relationships however mostly due to the nature of those venues they usually find themselves whoring around never finding the happiness the validation from a top that they wanted.

The same with is almost true of tops who start messing around at a younger age in most cases they were sexually abused by a older family member or by an other friend. They still defined themselves as str8 but they are usually very conflicted about having sex with other men. They will usually sleep with a friend or an acquaintance but will try to distance themselves from them as soon as they bust a nut. These brothers will rationalize that they are str8 because they are doing the sticking and not getting stuck, and they will often shift the blame of being down to the bottoms they are fucking and often calling them names like faggot, or you like this gay shit don’t ya? These tops tend to get more validation because they can blend into the str8 crowd they are the captains of the football, and basketball teams, they are the members of ROTC they are section leaders in the band or even the Drum Major. These guys date the prettiest girl and in most cases can be the biggest homophobes on campus. I think that they are more unstable emotionally than the bottoms are because if their inner sexual conflict. They may spend long periods of not having sex with men thinking that they are cured of their gayness. These guys will go to college and get into the mix with their roommate, and they will be the DL ballers, and Frat members on campus. They are the ones who will be checking you out while they are hanging out with their boys and with their girlfriends.

They will try to draw a closeted bottom roommate but walking around in their underwear sporting huge erections, or they will always find someway to be naked in front of you like always coming out of the shower nude as you enter into the room, or disrobing in front of you before they go into the shower etc. In many cases these guys will find some balance with their sexuality by coming to terms that they like men and that they will fuck men on the side but never really wanting to be in a relationship with them because they still want the social acceptance of being perceived as being str8. These guys are the kats that you will meet online who are married, or in relationship with women who will not be emotionally or physcially available for you. These guys become the kats who the bottoms program him that his shit doesn’t stink.

Well…
If that didn’t shed light on some things I have been thinking about Wolves for a while now.
JAY also left something good too:

Also you have to keep in mind our culture as black men. Most of us were taught to internalize everything, so a lot of us are not going to be very approachable and forthcoming, especially not in matters of an unpopular sexuality.

I don’t see masculine, black, gay dudes openly showing affection or talking about their sexuality. I’m sure they think they’re masculine, but they don’t look masculine to me.

We can get into clocking methods, but the fact is if a dude I deduced to be gay actually approached me I go into defense mode because I don’t know him or his intentions. I’m not saying I would give him the cold shoulder, but I definitely won’t be doing anything to make the encounter easy on his part…even if he is attractive.

Shit, I don’t think some of them can hide their sexuality if they wanted to.

THOUGHTS?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

13 thoughts on “mental homework (4)

  1. I think I’m an exception. I’m a masculine gay black man who’s been out since middle school, I’m open about everything. But the majority, exactly what killa said.

  2. I came out to my family when I was 7. I’m black, gay, soft (not feminine), never been molested, didn’t have sex for the first time til I was 18 and have only been with 3 men at the age of 23. You kids gotta get over this shit. Being molested does not make you gay. Quit trying to be thugs and masculine. Just be you. Bottom line…there is no excuse to be promiscuous. You fuck a bunch of dudes because you want to. You fuck other peoples husbands and boyfriends because you think It’s cute and it makes you feel as if you’re special enough to take a man away from a seemingly happy relationship. Get off-line, leave the clubs alone, drop messy “friends” if they’re sleeping with your boyfriend, spreading your business, lying in you they are not a friend. My parents always taught me that I am the company I keep. Get your shit together. As awful as this sounds we hit our prime at 30. So at that age those dudes aren’t wanting you anymore. What do you do when you end up being that guy at the bar that no one wants to talk to because he is offering money for sex. Let’s quit calling it a “lifestyle” I style my life they I want it. Gay is an orientation not a personality, or life.

    1. ^i agree with some points you made Mikey.
      thank you for joining the conversation also.

      But some of it sounded depressing.

      Also,
      30 is the prime when you are unattractive and not going anywhere in your life.
      I know plenty of 30+ men who look good and are still wanted by many.
      Fox, Wolf, and Hybrid.

      I believe if you stay in shape,
      Dress well,
      And stay focused on your goals – you will be wanted.
      People are wanted when they go with the flow of their life and not let these ideals and stereotypes control them.

      So let’s get that age bs out of our vocals.
      People could as well start committing suicide if that is the case.

  3. Now that you think of it for the majority it is true…I know that I lost my virginity at age 13 to a boy in my class who was quite the homophobe too. I’m not sure if someone messed with him but he came on to me and it went from there…but Killa has shed light on what the majority of issues of both bottoms and tops…I really hate those labels…and I can relate because being a Fox…recently Hybrid…I’ve always approached most encounters with the idea of having intercourse with that person…who can get it or whatnot…despite never going through with it but thinking something is just as detrimental to oneself as acting upon it.

    I’m elated though that I’ve challenged myself to be better than that. And Jay touched on something else as well because regardless of whether I know a guy knows about me he gets the cold shoulder during his approach. Another day in the life of a gay black man.

  4. I don’t personally identify with the first paragraph. And the second and third paragraphs explain a pattern that needs to be broken through no longer entertaining those types of men.

  5. Look mutha fuckers lol What I am trying to say is enough of the fucking top worship already!!! LOL As I top I can personally say that we are not worthy of this worship and desires by bottoms, because we do not worship bottoms. We are not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, we are not a sexual mystical, elusive and twisted version of the unicorn(the elusive dream) we can be more of a nightmare. We are greatly flawed with pathology to spare, and some of us don’t give a fuck about who we hurt, or use in our endless desire to feed our own selfish needs. Don’t center your life around getting us in any fucking form;thug, baller, high profile , black, white, yellow, brown, blue, green, big dick, little dick, muscular, six pact etc, because at the end of the day we are shallow. Your life is best serve working on your relationship with God and yourself, and for crying out loud freaking wake up!!!. Damn now who want’s to give me sum azzz lol?

  6. Mikey :
    I came out to my family when I was 7. I’m black, gay, soft (not feminine), never been molested, didn’t have sex for the first time til I was 18 and have only been with 3 men at the age of 23. You kids gotta get over this shit. Being molested does not make you gay. Quit trying to be thugs and masculine. Just be you. Bottom line…there is no excuse to be promiscuous. You fuck a bunch of dudes because you want to. You fuck other peoples husbands and boyfriends because you think It’s cute and it makes you feel as if you’re special enough to take a man away from a seemingly happy relationship. Get off-line, leave the clubs alone, drop messy “friends” if they’re sleeping with your boyfriend, spreading your business, lying in you they are not a friend. My parents always taught me that I am the company I keep. Get your shit together. As awful as this sounds we hit our prime at 30. So at that age those dudes aren’t wanting you anymore. What do you do when you end up being that guy at the bar that no one wants to talk to because he is offering money for sex. Let’s quit calling it a “lifestyle” I style my life they I want it. Gay is an orientation not a personality, or life.

    I don’t know Mike I find it highly suspect that a 7 year old would come out to their parents claiming that they are gay without some serious and intense exposure to sex and sexuality. To declare one’s sexuality a person must be cognitive of having a sexual attraction to any sex. To me it is highly unusual for a 7 year old to come out and declare their heterosexuality and fully understand what that means for them psycho sexuality especially when their first full blown won’t happen until 11 years later. Being soft and being gay are entirely two different things because most 7 year old’s in this day and time seem to be extremely soft. lol

  7. MrSOMagical :
    Now that you think of it for the majority it is true…I know that I lost my virginity at age 13 to a boy in my class who was quite the homophobe too. I’m not sure if someone messed with him but he came on to me and it went from there…but Killa has shed light on what the majority of issues of both bottoms and tops…I really hate those labels…and I can relate because being a Fox…recently Hybrid…I’ve always approached most encounters with the idea of having intercourse with that person…who can get it or whatnot…despite never going through with it but thinking something is just as detrimental to oneself as acting upon it.
    I’m elated though that I’ve challenged myself to be better than that. And Jay touched on something else as well because regardless of whether I know a guy knows about me he gets the cold shoulder during his approach. Another day in the life of a gay black man.

    Magic I am happy that my diatribe lol was of some help, and I agree with you that at the end of the day our journey here from my perspective is to recolonize and embrace that God has for two primary reason’s 1. To have a relationship with him, and 2. He created us for his glory. To me this means that our primary goal for being here on earth is to live our lives to bring glory to God by loving each other, and by devoting everyday to becoming the best person we can be while we are here on this realm. I would venture to guess if your seducer was older than you and he was the sexual aggressor to you that someone older than he did the same to him. Usually when one person is abuse at an early age their inclination is to past that abuse onto others. They don’t necessary do this because they are sexual predators they do it because it has become a learned behavior.

  8. LOL sorry it has been a long day and the lesson for me here is not to post at 1:30 in the AM lol. What I meant to say is “I agree with you that at the end of the day our journey here from my perspective is to recolonize and embrace that God has created all of us for two primary reason’s; 1.to have a relationship with him, and 2. He created us for his glory.

  9. I wasn’t saying that our lives are over at 30, I love older men! It’s just that I have tons of gorgeous friends in their late twenties who have told me that men only a few years younger telling them they’re too old! To me that sounds like no matter how attractive you are the “younger” men stop showing up even if you’re only 30 and they’re 27. I love the piece on being “premium” I live by those rules, always have, except for the one about the stand-by guy.

    My sexuality was obvious to me at 6 because something in me just told me that it wasn’t for me to be with a woman. My parents have always been open with their children about different people and their lives. When 5-7 year old children are calling eachother fags on the playground I asked…I got answers that made me feel good. I knew early on I think most people do. That’s why I get irritated when people tell me they are promiscuous or gay because of molestation. Honestly I think most pedophiles can sense which are gay and which are kinda “hot” in the pants already, this of course doesn’t apply to everyone. It’s just not helping us (LGBT) when people are saying that they were made and not born who they are.

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