If You Ain’t Acting Clear, Then You Ain’t Going Up “There”.

the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable.

love_me-Curtis-Kuligwe all want to feel loved.
we all also want acceptance.
people can spend years busting their ass,
hoping they’ll be appreciated for all they do.
trust me i do it every day with this site.

recently there have been a slew of people who have been coming out the closet.
they have luckily all been our complexion.
some shades may vary.
they all check “black” on applications and registration forms.
everyone gets all excited.
“its a bird!
its a plane!
it’s just the token black gay guy to help the rest of us come out!”
it kinda baffles me when these same “us” don’t even relate to the average “us”.
they are either completely white washed or playing in the snow.
i’m all for dating outside your race,
but i’m also all for dating in your own race as well.
is this the only way you can get acceptance?
be as “white” as you can?
is dating “us” seen as a step down in your climb to the top?
wade davis looks corny,
shaun t is a tasty oreo,
jason collins and frank ocean wouldn’t know what to do with a “me”,
and kevin grayson was close but no cigar.
where is our “lebron james” dating our “savvanah”?
our “jay z” crazy in love with a “beyonce”?
hell can i get a “ti” to a “tiny”?
hell the one baller wolf we may have related with was outed.
ran his black ass right back in that closet with no hesitation.

tumblr_m1kzi3zyev1qjhilfo1_500were the sistas on to something?
in order for a brotha to climb up the celeb “out” ladder,
does he have to have “mr. thang” shining bright on his arm?

tumblr_mlfdm0RdW61s9nc0no1_500that’s what it seems like.
hell they even pay you more money if you do interracial porn,
yet they blacklist snow anything if they do a scene with “us”.
i guess this “coming out” thing is more politics than passion, huh?
i started to wonder…

Is being “white friendly” the only way this coming out thing will work?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

23 thoughts on “If You Ain’t Acting Clear, Then You Ain’t Going Up “There”.”

  1. Sounds like a remix to the bitter bitch anthem.

    All black men desire white.
    All black men are gay.
    All gay black men loves light skin.
    A good gay black men love white men.

    Lies and propaganda.

    It has much less to do with race or more to do with social class and proximity/environment especially depending on how comfortable one is with their sexuality.

    If someone is out and they desire black men, its not a slew of brothas totally comfortable in their own skin period, regardless of orientation, some black people are ashamed of being black.

    Everbody doesn’t want a thug, felon, baby boy, dope boy, aspiring cashier or Instagram model.

    Medical professionals, engineers, lawyers and entrepreneurs need love and someone to help them file out Form 1120.

    I like getting my passport stamped and checking into hotels. I don’t like insecure men who are worried about hotel clerks wondering why two grown ass men are sharing a bed, having dinner, or lounging by the pool.

    Cowards can’t climb my back nor will I ever (again) crack theirs. Simple as that.

      1. 4 of them actually.

        14 years old.

        High school football players. One star, three peons.

        Constantly harassed because of my initial rejection then eventually raped.

        Could see my house from the clearing in the woods. My second out of body experience.

        Did not tell my father at the time. He would have murdered them. Did not want my family broken up. Kept it quiet and quickly died inside. He told me early on that everyone will not like that fact that I was gay. He never ever mentioned homophobic homosexuals. He couldn’t warn me about what he didn’t know.

        Came back to life years later. Therapy works coupled with cutting out the bullshit.

        1. ^omg.
          iceed im so sorry.

          aside from all of that,
          and everything you went through,
          do you believe there are decent dl men out there?
          ones who don’t keep up with the riff raff lifestyle?

    1. Everbody doesn’t want a thug, felon, baby boy, dope boy, aspiring cashier or Instagram model.

      Medical professionals, engineers, lawyers and entrepreneurs need love and someone to help them file out Form 1120.

      I like getting my passport stamped and checking into hotels. I don’t like insecure men who are worried about hotel clerks wondering why two grown ass men are sharing a bed, having dinner, or lounging by the pool.

      Cowards can’t climb my back nor will I ever (again) crack theirs. Simple as that.

      CORRECT. Not everybody is interested in a boy who has nothing and tries to pose like he has everything. Not everybody is turned on by timberland boots, and fitted hats. I’ve realized the so-called thugs and even men in prison ALL desire the “proper” life. When given the chance to be eloquent and articulate, they capitalize on that opportunity – watch lockup for yourselves and see how the men sometimes bust out with vocabulary you don;t even know the meaning of. The whole charade of THUG is just a facade to help them GET BY. They know it is a selling point so why not SELL IT. If he could he would Up and GET THE FUCK OUTTA his hood and become a GENTLEMAN – look at your favorite rappers for instance. So why chase a secret aspiring gentleman rather than the FINISHED product. Downlo, discreet or out it is the PERSON rather than THE RACE. Some black men do THE MOST in the name of proving.

      Have you seen “white” boys in teams “play around” ? If you look at it from a “black” perspective you will react with a WTF and BLANK face. They can even go all the way as kiss each other and call themkselves SEXY with their GIRLFRIENDS standing next to them. Black guys WISH to have that level of comfort. SO, behind closed doors in locker rooms there goes that horseplay (every now and then u find a video showing you your Mr(s) Macho playing around like a lil school girl), Blacks get soooo insecure they have to come up with bullshit like No homo dawg, (for even the most basic shit), Pause. suspect etc you realize all the ANTI homo slangs are all “black slangs”? Why is that?

  2. No it is not about being “white friendly” it’s about NOT seeing things in BLACK or WHITE. If I say a friend of mine loves Chief Keef and Wacka flocka and can’t stop listening to it in his car with the volume turned up – who are you already thinking I’m talking about a black guy right? Wrong. It’s a white boy. It is that kind of subconscious beliefs that toxify our ACTIONS and ATTITUDES. We EXPECT black to be stupid and wrong and we OVERcelebrate the ones on the RIGHT PATH. How many times do you see “whites” OVER-celebrating a white boy who got a 4.0 GPA?? I’ll wait for your answer… Now, How many times do you see a Black boy with a 4.0 GPA over-celebrated – ALL THE DAMN TIME. He is treated like he fell off mount olympus and is a very talented special, gifted boy to be “different”. Why is he “different”? Why isn’t it NORMAL for a BLACK boy to get a 4.0? You see ? That IS the difference between “OREO washed” black kids vs URBAN youth. Those “oreo”s don’t see color. They achieve in school and they perform with the thought of I am a HUMAN. Some Whites are REALLY not “black prejudiced” they are prejudiced to “RACIALLY MOTIVATED individuals” The OREO kid gets a 4.0 his white buddy gets a 3.9, reverse the next year. (sic. In PLATO’s republic) He doesn’t see a problem running for president – he’s a human – he thinks to himself. He likes A&F just as he likes Kanye West. He LOVES fried chicken just as he LOVES salad. Okay – why can’t he love both? He wears a fitted as quick as he wears his beach flip flops. Oh and guess what? He is DARKER than Coal. Oh – a dark skin boy doing all this? He must be a sell-out. Dude he’s only 15.

    Now the problem. Urban youth LOVE to LATCH on to the White Vs Black concept. and it HOLDS THEM BACK. So when “OREO” kids attempt to befriend the urban guy, the urban guy feels UNCOMFORTABLE because the OREO can blend in and out – it is a silent envy – and the excuse: oh he aint been through what i been through, he’s white washed, he an oreo – etc. Every now and then you find the URBAN youth who was RAISED as an oreo he too does NOT see color.

    So at the end of the day what if these were the PEOPLE they fell in LOVE with? What if they were not EQUIPPED to DEAL with “BLACK” people shennanigans? Afterall the last guy dated/married a BLACK woman. Time again the OREO kid tries to befriend the urban boy and the urban boy keeps pulling EXCUSES – monuments of NOTHINGNESS.

    After a while, BEING HUMAN the oreo decides to find another friend since the one he wants is sort of full of shit. The urban boy goes: Oh see he got accepted for a job because he’s with the white people. NO. CORRECTION:

    He got accepted for the job because he knew :
    1. THIS IS LIFE not a white vs black thing – I’m not going to show up to work covered in tattoos NO ONE will want to HIRE me BLACK, GREEN OR WHITE

    2. If i show up to work speaking in HALF sentences – I will NOT get hired.

    3. If I am FRIENDS with the OWNER’s son (GREEN, PURPLE, BLACK or WHITE) – IT can’t hurt my chances

    Since the Oreo has ROOM in his HEAD to reason without the barrier of color he can see FACTUAL things and thus avoid making HUMAN mistakes. The urban youth ALREADY presumes he will be TREATED differently – self-fulfilling prophecy and comes there sagging with tattoos and speaking incoherently – will YOU hire that “BLACK MAN” – NO.

    SO there you have it – Queen Peanut got “mandingo” kerry rhodes even though the NORM dictates that MANDINGOs should not want queens. These men fell in love or decided to go with someone whose faults and bullshit they could manage. “BLACK” bullshit they probably could not deal with.

  3. With the exception of Frank all these other guys were dating Whites in high school and college.Including Don Lemon to the list.So they didnt start dating Whites when they came out or became famous.A better question is why those Famous Gay Black Men who prefer Brothers are not out.I would like to see more Black Gay couples like Nate and Rob(Kappa wedding couple),too

      1. The wedding was called Kappa Wedding because Nate is a Kappa.The topic was about famous or high profile Black Gay men.I used the term Kappa Wedding to describe which Nate and Rob I was referring to.I know Black Gay couples get married all the time I have attended three weddings myself.But those couples havent been on Tom Joyner or been profiled in Ebony or had their wedding viewed by 700 thousand people. Jamari was asking about why arent there more famous Black Gay couples

  4. one thing i will say about blacks,
    this lifestyle,
    and even myself…
    we have very high expectations which make us expect too much.
    we are also extremely judgmental when we don’t have to be.
    the same stones we throw at someone else can shatter our own glass houses.
    a “lebron james” type of character could come out and we will pick him apart.

    “he isn’t black enough.
    down enough.
    masculine enough.
    he isn’t out enough.
    he says he is a top and we say he is a bottom.”

    blacks always have a problem if people don’t do what exactly what we would do,
    handle a situation how we would,
    or live life the way we would personally.
    so there is always going to be that issue within every community.
    it’s a damned if we do or a damned if we don’t.
    one thing i will say,
    when we all come together,
    it is a beautiful thing.

  5. It’s a Hollywood thing, trust me. If they were not famous they would be with one of “us”. Think about it, when you walk throughout the streets you don’t see a white dude and a black dude together. In fact, I have never seen it in person. However, there are some famous people who like black men, we just don’t see it because they are on the DL. I’m sure Diddy, Trey, Tyson, and Kerry are into black dudes. We know Kerry does for a fact, but he did not want to come out, and in a way I wonder why.

    1. ^as much as blacks want this masculine gay man to come out,
      we are not ready for it.
      he needs to be godlike,
      never dated a woman,
      never had self esteem issues,
      must be masculine to the bone.
      he needs to be as perfect as beyonce.
      he shouldn’t even speak.
      he should just be seen.

  6. our community does have a lot of various issues, both as a whole and within the gay community, but in time these things will get better, the current trends and ideals will become a thing of the past and a brighter future will appear on the horizon…but on a lighter note, i LOve my brothas (i prefer dark skin and brown skin brothas) but that WHITE boy in this picture…CAN GET me ANYDAY!!!!! lol

  7. This blog is good on a daily basis but every now an then it becomes great. This discussion is epic an made me think about things from a different perspective. Props to Davon he brought his A game to this discussion an said so much that made sense,no shade today to you bro! Personally speaking to see a high profile dude come out with another Black man would make me feel special I know that might sound corny but I think so many of us long too see someone who looks like us an to see them in a positive light. Its like when I go to a Pride event even though I see so many ratchet queens who make me cringe I also see alot of everyday normal hardworking brothers an collectively I feel empowered that all of us have one thing in common an we all want love and respect no matter how we act an at the end of the day we are all brothers in this struggle together. I have a strong sense of Black Pride and I still believe in Black Love even if nobody else comes out with another Blackman I will still rep Love for my Brothers and I will still celebrate Black on Black Love. I will also try to be more positive toward these interracial relationships from these high profile dudes after hearing different perspectives.

  8. ::aside from all of that,
    and everything you went through,
    do you believe there are decent dl men out there?
    ones who don’t keep up with the riff raff lifestyle?::

    There are decent men in there world. I don’t hate men, I don’t hate football players. Just not fond of bullshit excuses for bad behavior or confusing courage and cowardice.

    I can see someone not disclosing their love for their boyfriend if they are still living in the house with a violent homophobic father.

    I can see someone not being comfortable at a gay club or Sizzle type event because they may not want to associate with that type of crowd. (whatever that means to them)

    I can’t see a grown ass man in his mansion or driving in his Bugatti with tinted windows concerned about whether or not people think,or can confirm, he is fucking is male roommate/assistant or not. (no shots fired, he’s just not the only one)

    I can’t see a grown ass man knowing he loves men hiding behind woman he married and using his own kids to bolster a false image. (twenty plus years is a long time to be trapped in a loveless or sexless marriage)

    Just can’t understand the lies they have to build to maintain that facade which they know it’s gonna crumble one day.

    1. Well Outsports.com has a story about a Black high school football player who was inspired by Jason Collins to come out.So JC story is giving others the courage to come out and may save some lives.

      1. That’s great. I’m glad he can inspire others. I watched his interview with Oprah. He still looked conflicted at certain points in the interview and Oprah didn’t go in on him about having a fiance for eight years. She didn’t use DL or downlow not once. His family is supportive but something in him just didn’t sit well until he was ready.

  9. @iceededppl I wish I had a man to call dad.You should do a post about dads.Mine was a verbally and physically abusive crack head.

  10. I can only speak for myself and judge from my own experiences. I was one of those black kids who excelled in school. I went on to college and graduated with honors. After college, I got a high-paying job and made for myself a highly successful career. I can now say that I am semi-retired in my early-40s.

    With all of that said and done, I was deeply immersed in the “white” world. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area. Blacks were never the majority unless you lived in a predominantly black neighborhood — which I never did. Most of the schools I attended were majority white. Although my high school was majority black, it attracted a lot of whites, Hispanics, and Asians because it was a magnate school. And in college at UC Berkeley, there were even fewer blacks. And don’t get me started about the dearth of blacks in the financial world.

    Despite all of that, I love my black brothers. Although my first crush on a dude was a Mexican boy in my 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade classes. We became good friends, but I had to keep those feelings a secret. But the many black dudes I lusted after in secret — too many to keep track of. Speaking of track, those track boys used to drive me crazy with those tight bodies. i almost got into deep trouble with a track athlete in college. (That’s a story for another day.)

    After reading the comments of this blog entry, I was trying to think about my past with white men. I did have some sexual encounters with whites. But I have to say that I wasn’t all that impressed. Not to put down white people, I was never infatuated with whites. I never thought they were on a pedestal. And I certainly never believed they were in any fashion better than me. I could easily get along with whites. I can also say that whites are easily impressed by blacks when they are deemed to be intelligent and articulate. Articulate is a word that almost seems to be reserved for well-spoken black folks. If I was paid a dollar for every time a white person described me as articulate, I would have made a fortune off of that alone. Settling down with a white man never entered my mind. For every handsome white dude i saw, I could lay my eyes on six or more black man who could blow him away.

    And when I found Mr. Right, he came in the form of a dark-skinned black brother who knew what he wanted out of life and refused to let anyone stand in his way. He was successful and goal-oriented. He was out and proud and he owned himself. There were no lies coming from his mouth or his life. We built a great life together. We had wealth, great friends, and a ton of respect from the people in and out of our lives. We were even ready to adopt children and create our own family. As I had mentioned on another blog entry, he was tragically killed by a drunk semi-truck driver nearly three years ago.

    Let me wrap this up. I am rambling too much. Suffice it to say, we make our lives into what we want them to be. If a black man wants to be with another brother, then that’s what he will do. If he wants to be with a white dude, that is what he prefers. If anyone thinks that there are no good black men out there, then either they are looking in the wrong places, or they don’t truly want a brotha. It’s your choice, and no one else is responsible for or the cause of your decisions.If you like white, then that’s your right. I just feel differently.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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