I REALLY HATE PLAYING WITH ASSHOLES


They say when something comes easier,
you do not appreciate it.

You know, those things that we get in life that came easily.
You notice that when something is easy and free,
it does not have the same luster as something you had to pay or work hard for?
People have lost things faster than when they put blood, sweat, and tears into it.
People who win the lottery or who get fame when they already had it are perfect examples.
Drake and Rihanna are also the PERFECT muses for this entry.
But when it comes to this lifestyle and finding a Wolf in this giant Forest:

When the Wolf is too easy, are we easily turned off?


Do Foxes secretly like a challenge?

Foxes do not like an easy Wolf.
Foxes also do not like a hard Wolf to crack.
I know for me, I like that nice balance.
He shows me interest, but knows to leave me alone.
He calls and texts, but he doesn’t do it for 2 weeks.
We both equally chase each other and the chemistry is just right.
No sitting around mentally forcing him to text/call (I know ya’ll done that lol)
He does it at the right time. We love that shit.
But when a Wolf is too easy, we associate it with something being wrong.
Either he is too eager, too boring, maybe crazy, or simply not attractive.
Or, he shows that he is a push over and we can take advantage of him.


We as Foxes are so use to being treated like shit by Wolves,
playing the waiting game and wondering where we stand,
that we are usually ready and pessimistic.
But, when a Wolf comes along and wants to show us he is genuinely interested in us,
and really puts his all into it,
we run for the hills because we are expecting something to be wrong with him or he is too easy.
Is there something really wrong with us?
Have we been programmed differently due to all the hard Wolves that came in our lives?
Should we start giving these easier Wolves a chance, even if we lose interest and become bored?


I had to wonder when it came to Wolves, their bullshit, and being a challenge…
As a Fox looking for a Wolf…

Why do we run from Mister Nice Wolves?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

21 thoughts on “I REALLY HATE PLAYING WITH ASSHOLES”

  1. Come on now, who’s going to admit they’d rather chase behind emotionally unavailable or straight men who would never have them?

    I would love to perform a experiment with a fox where I put them in a public setting get 3 average to attractive men to approach them and one to just stare at them and never say anything.

    I bet they’re more attracted to the one that just stares. lol

    Vain we have to make that happen! lol

  2. I’m kinda dealing with this right now. I kinda like this dude but he’s playin hard to get. It was cute at first but I’m eventually gonna move on b/c I can only wait around for so long before I get bored and move on to the next lucky fox

  3. Well, we can go into emotional unavailability and this need to hang on to men who aren’t interested in us all the while showing him how great we are and how great the two of us can be together if he would just open his eyes. Or the nicest ones tend to have some sort of hidden agenda. He’s calling you all of the time not because he’s so interested in you but because he does not want to be alone. He’s coming at you from a place of desperation and using you as a temporary fix. Or he believes that all of this niceness and attention will lead to sex, and once he gets it, he’ll have gotten what he wanted and moved on. That we favor the men who treat us negatively because we’re masochists. Or we can talk about how many of us have developed poor dating habits early and stick with a “type” that we’re used to but isn’t necessarily good for us. Some people like the chase because they like the feeling of anxiety that comes with whether or not they’ll reach the finish line as opposed to crossing the finish line itself.

    But…. I don’t think that’s the case. At least not entirely.

    As bad as this is going to sound I think part of it that the ones who are the nicest tend to be the one’s we aren’t physically attracted to or physically attractive in general. The Devin Thomas’ of the world are not the ones coming up to us, asking us on dates, and bringing chocolate and roses. I could understand if they were and we were still turning the nice ones down but it really isn’t the case. The nice wolves I’ve come across tend to be fat boys or much older than i am or just not cute at all. So they sort of have to be nice to sort of attract people to them. The cuter one’s tend to be emotionally unavailable and so used to attention and getting what they want that they don’t really have to put forth much effort.

    If you believe that if James Ihedigbo or Alexander Robinson or Devale Ellis or Gary Forbes or Carmello Anthony or Nic Harris or Percy Harvin or Eric Nicoleau or Emmanuel Sanders or Brandon Marshall or Bret Lockett or Orlando Scandrick or Dez Bryant were to come up to one of us like “Hi, my name is (insert name here) and I saw you from across the room and thought I’d introduce myself. I’d like to get your number and get to know you better” that us foxes would be like “No thanks, I’m waiting for that other guy across the room who isn’t paying me any attention to read my mind and come over here”

    … you are sadly mistaken lol.

    1. There’s some truth to what you’re saying, BUT there is definitely a faction of guys who act emotionally unavailable or like a plain asshole on purpose because they know unattainable is more attractive to most women AND men.

      So going forward there should be no complaining about wolves just staring at foxes because the ones that approach are more prone to being less attractive.

      The “guys with nice personalities” tend to have a thicker skin though. They have to be go getters. I respect that.

      1. But you can’t be unattractive to most and act emotionally unavailable or like an asshole and think that’s the ticket to getting the men who are already not giving you the time of day.

        There can definitely be complaining about wolves just staring when it seems as though the ones you want continuously don’t line up with the ones you seem to get. Like why can’t he be cute AND have a nice personality?

  4. I think that the answer is simple it has little to do with physical attractiveness or the lack there of. It has to do with relational skills, and with relational familiarity. If a person is used to dealing with intense and dysfunctional relationships/people then that is what they are going to look for (mostly on an unconscious level) because it is the familiar, and it is all they know. So when prince charming comes along who is emotionally available etc, the reason they are sent packing is because the person does not have the tools to function in a functional relationship. For example, we all have friends or associates who cannot take compliments. When someone gives them a compliment they usually will either become suspicious, or they will find ways to refute the compliment instead of just saying thank you. They do this because they don’t feel like they deserved to be complimented, and so how are they going to function in a loving and supportive relationship? This is why battered women keep ending up with batters until they learn to value themselves and look for a more emotionally stable and partner.

    Also I think that sometimes when we pursue emotionally unavailable people romantically are often replaying the dynamics of their childhood with their parents.

  5. Alright to be honest I dont do this to the specifications stated. I look for mutuality in the communication, and in the interactions. However, initally in most coversations I take the lead because most of the wolves I talk to dont really know what they want so I have to show them, I’m what they need. Its been pretty effective thus far. I think that if a Wolf, is showing me what he wants from Day 1, it makes for a better interaction between us because its clear what is expected. But I usually reject dudes for being too touchy, or if they start low key trying to control my life.

  6. UrSoVain :
    But you can’t be unattractive to most and act emotionally unavailable or like an asshole and think that’s the ticket to getting the men who are already not giving you the time of day.
    There can definitely be complaining about wolves just staring when it seems as though the ones you want continuously don’t line up with the ones you seem to get. Like why can’t he be cute AND have a nice personality?

    Oh I don’t know any unattractive men that play asshole, just like nice guys who play like their callous assholes to keep someone’s attention.

    There’s plenty of good looking guys with nice personalities. They just aren’t attractive to the person they want/ their nice personality is compatible with the one they want or vice versa.

    1. Where are the nice, relationship oriented James Ihedigbo or Alexander Robinson or Devale Ellis or Gary Forbes or Carmello Anthony or Nic Harris or Percy Harvin or Eric Nicoleau or Emmanuel Sanders or Brandon Marshall or Bret Lockett or Orlando Scandrick or Dez Bryant of the world and who they approaching and subsequently being turned down by?

      I’d venture to guess they’re most likely into the fysh (since they’re the ones who complain the most).

      I just haven’t come across too many of them. At least not the ones who are also into men.

  7. First of all those are all famous, desirable men who really don’t have to approach women so much as give them the nod to follow them to their suite.

    You cannot compare ballers and the models to what you see everyday, although sometimes you will see someone that stops you in your tracks.

    I try to leave these pics and videos of these gorgeous men where they belong online…and in my secret file on my harddrive. lol

    1. I’m not referring to them directly. I mean men like them. Hence the “of the world” part at the end of the list. But I see men who i do a double take all of the time and wonder… wtf? The self actualized gays like to say that there’s a possibility that he could be gay and we should just give it a shot. That we need to stop assuming that the fine one’s or even the famous ones are straight. But then reality sets in and I’m looking online and in the clubs and places where many of us tend to venture aaannnddd… im not seeing too many. Definitely not being approached by them either. I can’t say they don’t exist. Because they do. But their numbers are not proportionate to the guys who we sort of look at like…. “Um, I think i heard someone call my name… excuse me.” Its like 1 in every 100.

      Has someone of that caliber approached you and asked you on a date and been really kind and sweet and forth coming and available and relationship oriented?

  8. Vain you know damn well I’m not the dating kind. lol

    I’ve known some guys who started out closeted whoring and slowly transitioned into taking guys on lowkey dates and allowing themselves to fall for guys. I think it’s a process.

    I thought you said there were all kinds of guys in the club? You would’ve had me going for nothing!

    *puts deep V-neck back in the closet*

    lol

    1. Lol i know. I was kidding.

      There are all kinds of guys at the club. But the proportion of the ones who look like the men we have on our hard drives is not close to the one’s we avoid and turn down. And it isn’t the same between our species though. The cutest one’s tend to be foxes (See: Malo… i guess).

      Wolves, like the one’s the fysh get, don’t really come in our sizes too often. And when they do, they tend to be self-absorbed, attention whores who are allergic to commitment or anything resembling a healthy partnership.

      I guess ultimately what I’m saying is, we aren’t necessarily turning down wolves who are “too nice” as much as we’re turning down the ones who we don’t find attractive “enough” who just so happen to be nice.

  9. Hey now I could be the dating kind if I wanted. Hell, I’d even let a dude get the chips and a drink with their subway sandwich. lol

    Yeaa when you said Malo my mind went to that infamous gif. I’d just fuck a Malo though, I wouldn’t take them seriously.

    You know I like them easy as a 2nd grade spelling test anyway so it doesn’t matter to me…lol

      1. but I have personally tested this theory as a Fox…

        When I am nice, I am put to the “back of the line”. When I am nasty, mean, or being emotionally unavailable – people find me intriguing and want to speak to me. I even tried it with a Wolf I wasn’t attracted too. He damn near stalked me.

        it is the weirdest thing…
        I am finding that being a little asshole-ish works because people are more attracted to that than being just a really nice and cool person lol

        thoughts on this anyone?

      2. Judging by his twitter, he’s still young minded, which is to be expected since he’s 21. He can damn sure fuck though and he’s cute. lol

        People say I’m kind of rude and stand-offish, doesn’t stop them from engaging me in some way.

  10. I don’t do the hard to get thing. I like mystery and a little alure etc. But when people are deliberately toying with your emotions by making themselves emotionally and physically unavailable as a so-called test of your fortitude and persistence, that’s when I have to bow out.

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