I Prefer Fed-Ex Penis Better

Mailmen are hot.

Have you ever just seen a fine ass mail dude?
Their uniforms always fit them so well plus,
something about them sticking their package in your slot turns me on.
I have to have a role play mailman fantasy one day.

But I have a Vixen of mine who realized her mailman fantasy was really a nightmare.

Peep the bullshit below…

Vixen started receiving mysterious UPS packages at her job a 1 week before Valentine’s day.
They were under the alias of the rapper, “J. Cole“.
She, of course, never met said rapper so that made it even more exciting.

Packages came every other day and they included:

Lace Thongs from Vicky Secrets
Luther Vandross CD of his Greatest Hits
Nestle Quik Fudge with a nasty note attached
Lace blind fold

Now, she has no boyfriend so she was confused.
All the Wolves she knew didn’t know where she worked.
She honestly did not know J. Cole so what the hell was going on?
So this was utterly confusing….
…but it was intriguing.

Each present came with a note attached.
Every note was on the freaky side.
Maybe it was someone that worked with her?
Maybe it was J. Cole?
Maybe, it was some pyscho who saw her once and this was his lure to chop her into pieces?

After a careful investigation,
she found out it was the hot UPS guy that delivers to her job.
He saw her once and was attracted to her, but didn’t know how to get at her.
He decided to send her the packages (and had nice expensive taste in lingerie)
She says he didn’t look like J. Cole, but he was much more good looking.

Wishing someone was playing those kind of games with me.
That was smooth as hell.

They exchanged numbers and he called her that same night.
Well apparently the conversation was going well,
he was trying to get to know her,
when he decided to say…

“I really want to fuck the shit out of you.”

?!?!?

That wasn’t all.
He took the conversation into a 180 of freaky nasty smut talk.

“The first time I saw your titties, I wanted to suck on them.”
“Your voice really turns me on. I really want to hear it saying my name over and over.”
“What is your favorite position? I bet it is any position I can spank you.”
“I park my truck around the corner. You should come by one day.”
“I know a building I deliver to that has empty floors.”

?!?!?!?!

Dude, what happened to dinner and a movie?
Needless to say she is now ignoring his calls.

How is he going to fuck it up like that?
Then again, if that was all he wanted, why wasn’t he just more upfront about it?
Maybe he was with the gifts and she didn’t realize how sexual they were.
One note he did mention using the chocolate syrup on a special place on his body.
Wow.
First phone conversation and you already talking about sticking your dick up in my uterus.

…and if you going to treat me like a ho,
treat me like a top dollar ho.
Same way you were sending gifts,
how about you arrange a nice hotel room?

SMH

Oh well.
NEXT.
At least she got nice thongs to use with another Wolf, right?

SMH

Later

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “I Prefer Fed-Ex Penis Better”

  1. well its the thought that counts. i wish i had a secret sender… hell i woulda took a pack of kools and a fourloco LOL

  2. If he was sending her roses, a diamond rings, and maybe a bridal magazine, this would be different. Instead he was sending her thongs, slow jams, syrup, and a blind fold …. What about ANY of those things says “I’m looking for a serious commitment”? Lets be real here!! How dare anyone act surprise when he came at her only wanting sex. He made it LOUD AND CLEAR in the contents of those packages regarding what he was after and made sure she knew then in his initial conversation. He did her a favor by letting her know straight up what he was after. Most guys will wine and dine you… and then never call you again.

    1. I agree. Nothing it that screamed anything but sex; I guess he was just a little too fast & blatant with it on the phone — he still probably coulda got it if he’d been less…crude and sexier with it

  3. I’m really feeling sad that a person felt that a celebrity was a secret admirer and wasn’t turned out to be a better looking REAL person that wanted freaky sex!

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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