First off: I want to thank EVERY person who left me love.
All your comments and all your emails.
It made me cry by all the love I was getting.
You came through for me
when I actually hit the floor and for that,
I am really appreciative.

*****

I will admit that I was getting “stuck”.
“He” was my one and only and helped provide me with nice things.
I was there for him and always had his back.
I did my job to make sure things went smooth and to receive love.
Who would have known that he wouldn’t recognize that and throw me to the side for a new “bitch”.
I almost felt like how Angela Bassett did in Waiting To Exhale.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGwV4mrOCJo&feature=related]

“I WAS YOUR WHITE MAN FOR FUCKING 5 YEARS.“

Yup.

I feel you Angela.
I feel you. 

Yesterday felt surreal.
Now that I am in my right mind…

LET’S GET INTO IT.

I got a text the night before from my boss telling me what my position needs to be discussed.
I thought that he was going to tell me that I was getting a promotion.
Hell, even moving to a new department.
When I got there the next day, I went to the office where my boss and my supervisor were waiting for me.
They told me to sit with forced smiles on their faces.
Then they literally sat there and cut my throat.

“There was never any complaints about you.”
“You are a great worker.”
“If you ever need a reference, you can use me.”
“We value you and your work, but we feel we need a better fit…”
“Let’s not go about this negative, but be optimistic..”
“Please come to the job picnic this year. You were a great edition to us…” 

I felt tears coming, but I held strong.
I really wanted to fly over the desk and slap the shit out of him.

How dare this muthafucka tell me this…?
How could he say this to me?
How could he do this to me?

I politely shook his hand, while imagining the window he was facing was what I pushed him out of.
I went to my desk to gather my things with boxes already provided for me.
I think what pissed me off was the BITCH that caused so much drama with me,
quickly was texting all her little worker friends and telling them the word.
Co-Worker Wolf, who is her homeboy, was looking at me like he already knew.
After finding out how dangerous and what a gossip he was,
I know they were talking so much shit about me via their BBM conversations.
Aside from the 5 people who hated me,
I got so much love from people who did.
This woman I always assisted cried so bad infront of me that I had to console her.

THEN I SAW HIM…

The new “me”.
He was okay.
He wasn’t me.

White.
Jewish.
Hippie bohemian look.
Ugly ass shirt.

The BITCH was actually going around introducing him as “the new me” too.
She had a giant smile on her face.
(I hope she realizes she is next.)

“Hello everyone….. oh and Jamari.” the BITCH said as she strolled in the room with “him”. 

I didn’t even get introduced.
I wasn’t suppose to see “him”.
My other co workers do not like him already.

“No one can replace you Jamari.” my home girl said.
“Naw. He looks weird.” my other home boy said.
“This is so fucked up.” my play girlfriend said.

I went around and told everyone it was a pleasure working with them.
I got so much numbers and references.
I even got people wanting to fight to get my job back.
I told them it was okay and I will be fine.
I got my things and I left.

I came in the crib, wrote that entry, took two Benadryls and fell asleep.

I needed some time to process what had happened.
I was still in a state of shock.
I will admit I cried… and cried some more.
But, when you feel like you were used and then had no other use,
all you can do is open the flood gates.

I filled out for unemployment today and I’ll update my resume.
I’ll consider this my little vaca I haven’t had in about 7 years.
I have always been a worker, that I never take time out for me.

I did learn that at any given moment,
you will hit the floor.
Things come at you in all directions and sometimes,
things happen that you NEVER realized would.
But always remember that something BETTER is coming.
As the BITCH laughs with her friends,
I will have the last laugh.

 Time to build my empire and I’m not afraid to ask for help.

CAN I ADMIT HOW HORNY I WAS YESTERDAY?!
maybe this downtime will help me get some much need wolf dick.