i’m going through something right now.
my energy level is letting me know that.
i feel so tired,
like i could sleep forever.
i don’t want to do anything.
i know exactly what it is…
i would love to quit my job.
but i would love to.
everyone in my department is unhappy.
we are all being slowly driven crazy.
i dread going there every single day.
my anxiety has been on 1000.
it got worse once liar liar left.
the job i finally got an interview for,
did so well at and they gushed over my resume,
put me on this hold.
now i don’t even know if i want to work there if they call me.
but that came off like a red flag to me.
i am turned off by how much my time was wasted.
i’ve applied to many places and nothing.
i think maybe because it’s summer and no one is hiring right now.
i don’t know.
all i know is this cannot be my life.
as i’ve been laying down,
i’ve been doing a lot of thinking.
i’m at this place in my life where i’m fighting for my happiness.
i feel like an animal in a cage.
i want to break free and roam around in the wild,
but i have no exact plan on what to do and where to go.
so i’m sitting here,
waking up to the same repetition daily.
the things that have a mental hold on me:
chasing this career
…and how at the moment,
those things are the main cause of my break downs.
i just want to say “fuck it” and vanish.
quit my job
erase the foxhole
pack my shit
change my name
i hear there is a small town in the midwest looking for a bartender.
…and wake up.
as fun as that sounds,
i know that will be temporary.
i’ll be running to escape my problems,
but it seems better than being stuck in quick sand.
lowkey: i feel like i made a wrong turn in life and now i’m lost.
“did i make some mistakes?”
“can i turn my life around?”
“am i doomed to this?”
i’ve been asking myself that.