think about this.
you are enjoying a perfect day.
sun is shining.
the wind smells so crisp.
you are wearing the perfect outfit.
everything fits you to a tee.
nothing could fuck up the day.
well, think about the opposite.
it’s raining hard.
everything just seems to be going wrong.
nothing can put a smile on your face.
you just want to go home and crawl into bed.
every thought you have feels heavy.
you just want to sleep.
maybe forever if you could.
they say 120 million people on this planet suffer from it.
does that include everyone on social media?
so many people trying to play perfect.
their smiles so big on facebook.
bodies so sweet on instagram.
they tweet about their lives like it’s something out a movie.
they try to be modern day celebrities.
“why isn’t that me?”
“am i doing something wrong?”
you start to dig yourself into an emotional grave.
oh i been there.
“no one wants to hear about your problems so why even talk about it?”
i guess that’s why we are so shocked when they commit suicide.
life is funny that way.
when it comes to depression…
Why are we so scared to admit it?
depression is a losing battle.
you wake up every day to go back to sleep.
your mind sees nothing but the negative.
you never think there will be a positive outcome.
hell you don’t believe in “positive outcomes”.
every time someone talks to you,
you got some negative bullshit to dump in their lap.
so you know what you do?
mask the pain with drugs, alcohol, and random sex.
when that doesn’t do anything anymore,
you go harder.
next thing you know,
you’re up shit’s creek without a paddle.
i was having an interesting conversation with a reader about my jack’d entry.
he happens to work at a mental hospital.
many of the people in his area that are on jack’d have checked into his job.
they are all the “standard”.
wolves we love to lust after.
foxes with the perfectly rotund ass cheeks.
those same pretty packages are hiding a terrible secret.
flat out crazy.
covering up this pain they can’t talk about.
talk about a downer.
who wants to know the fine wolf we wants to kill himself?
how many likes will that admission get?
i use to be heavily depressed a few years ago.
i have my moments now,
but it isn’t as bad as before.
i have even attempted to kill myself.
i use to be so afraid to admit any of that.
in fear or being judged.
not a “man”.
that was the issue before.
“what people would think of jamari fox”.
“will i be judged for this?”
those same people are gone,
ain’t worth shit,
and i was left with the baggage.
its funny how life shows you all the time you waste.
so i had to ask…