i use to carry the burden of always being on all the time.
even when i didn’t,
i did it out of insecurity tbh.
i wanted people in my real to know i was poppin’ too.
i wanted the wolves i liked to know i was still here.
you know what always annoyed me?
When I was on,
people in my real life would neglect my shit.
When I’m off,
those same people were wondering why I’m not posting.
I had people in group chats discussing WHY I wasn’t posting.
“Oh he’s probably depressed again,” they said.
They had my number tho…
that use to fuck me up because they were never shy to support others.
people they talked about like trash got a like.
all of those same people are always and still “on” tho.
they have to let everyone know what cool shit they’re getting into.
it use to make me feel like i wasn’t enough but in reality…
They don’t think they’re enough.
the thought of not being “on” literally drives them insane.
they are so caught up in the likes and the applause on their social media.
i admired and even envied them in my past life,
but those are the ones who carry the most burdens tbh.
The ones who don’t want to leave their teens and 20s
The ones who hide behind innocence when they’re really hoes
The ones who are evil but playing “America’s Next Top Christian”
The ones who hate the relationship but keep up with the #relationshipgoals
The ones who have to be filtered with the perfect shot
The ones with the muscles and the #bodygoals
The ones who have to be at every party and on the scene
The ones who let it be known they have money
The ones who have to be with all the celebs and have to say YES to them
The ones who sold their souls for fame and they’re haunted by what they did
The ones who have to make a better sex video than the last on Onlyfans
The ones who are gay but have to maintain “straight” at all times
i know all their burdens because with that life comes the gossip as well.
i’ve always been the f-bi foxhole.
all of those types of people need the most prayers.
They don’t have peace
…and thats sad to me.
i’m out of that rat race and i feel more peaceful now than i’ve ever been.
therapy has me in a whole new bag too.
i’ve made a lane with the foxhole where i don’t have to be on all the time.
i use to be so concerned with the competition and being “the best”,
but i would do my best and it wouldn’t matter to those i wanted to impress.
there is nothing to win except a moment and having to top that moment.
God forbid that no one likes the next moment tho…