i’m not my voice

i’ve said it before but i hated my voice growing up.
along with hating my voice,
i hated my whole being as well.
i was always being picked on for something,
either at home or at school.
i highlighted and enhanced everything i thought was wrong with me.
i wasn’t like the other boys

Uber-Masculine
Played sports
Playing “20 minutes of heaven inside her coochie”
Fathers being proud of them

i had a high voice,
had feminine mannerisms,
many would consider “soft”,
and my father was slowly evolving into the bitter betty pokemon.
i did love track and field and could run like black beauty.
in an “a-ha” moment today,
i realized something about all the things i “hated” about myself.
all of those things i thought were “wrong” with me…

Helped me bag the finest negros many would ever dream of
The fine-ass DL males were up in my butt cheeks like an enema
I’ve had boyfriends and husbands questioning their “straight-ness”
I bagged more than a few out gay pineapples
Wolves wanting to phone bone me after hours
The high voice comes out of the juiciest lips many want on their dicks

it made it very easy for males to sniff me out.
i was actually insecure about the things that helped me land “good dick”.
my lack of confidence did fuck up a lot of opportunities which i hate.
i’m more than a high voice and being soft.

I’m a whole package of dopeness.
Many can’t handle the heat.

there are males that do all the things “straight” and are gay af.
i think they have it harder at times.
they have more to prove to society and their families while i don’t.
so you may have a high voice or you’re more feminine than the others.

Own that shit.

those things make you a beacon for males who are lowkey.
the types you fantasize about.
if you don’t act messy,
have a quiet confidence,
and make sure your packaging is well put together then…

you aren’t meant to be like them.
you’re meant to be better.

 

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “i’m not my voice”

  1. I really needed this. The majority of my circle is straight because I didn’t identify as gay until later in life but I’ve always been gay adjacent. Always teased for no protruding Adam’s apple or my soft voice or not being so tough. This really made me cry some tears of joy in really owning the good facets of it. Thank you for writing this today

    1. ^im so glad this helped!!!!!!
      it is a struggle to accept the parts of us that cause us shame.
      stay strong and reshape your thinking!
      good luck and stay up!

  2. Jamari 🦊
    You pissed on the carpet with this one, bitch!
    I adore this entry. We do not resemble physically, but you walked around in my head and fonted my feelings and thoughts about me, my high voltage femme voice, pulling 🔥 trade, the dick, my childhood. It is so identical. And we are also both Cancers. This is, for me, is a iconoclastic foxhole read. Thank You.

    1. ^ it makes me so happy many are being seen with this entry!!!!!
      welcome and thank you for the compliment!!!
      i hate that i didn’t recognize its power sooner than i did.

  3. Jamari, from a scientific standpoint, cuteness aggression is in your favor.

    When you hear a baby cry, or a puppy whine, you’ll react in either 2 ways: protector or predator. In the wild, a infant cries to signal its in danger. The high pitched squeals signal us we need to protect. It makes our paternal instinct kick in. Or, a predator knows there is vulnerable food nearby.

    I have NEVER had a man reject me because of my voice. In fact, because I “look” like my voice would be deeper, it’s been a turnon.

    So to any gay male who has “gay voice”, trust me, own it. It’s had guys begging me to send them voicenotes, I get referred to as a woman on the phone and guys have asked if I wanted to do phonesex (who hate being on the phone). Here I am thinking I sound “too gay” yet it brings the top out of bottoms lol.

    Men with higher voices bring out testosterone in men with deeper voices. Pay attention the body language of straight men around gay men. They will naturally go into protector mode. Bottoms, no matter how fem you are in bed, think about how you act when around gay men with higher voices. Nature gave you a calling card. Embrace it!

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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