i got too much baggage beloved

“Pull the U-haul around.”

even though i was getting help,
it has been a long day.
it’s been raining on and off so it really set the mood for packing.
it was the perfect day to say goodbye

honestly,
i learned that i’ve been hoarding way too much shit.
i had bags and bags of it.
i’m addicted to hanging on to memories,
even when people i’ve made memories with are no longer in my life.
the biggest problem is i was addicted to the past feelings.
i started getting wrapped up into why things ended,
how could i make more memories with those people,
and replaying better outcomes on a constant and hopeful loop.
all of those things further added to my depression and anxiety.
those people were removed from my life for a reason.
yeah,
we had amazing times,
but they took themselves out with the trash a long time ago.

Why was I still hanging on?
Why was I choosing not to let go?

i already knew the answers to those questions.
instead of figuring shit out,
i got a box and started throwing all the answers inside.

Old jobs
People who hurt my feelings
Guys I liked and it didn’t work out
“Friends” I thought would have my back

it got to the point i had to get a ton of boxes because i had way too many answers.

i was legit living like a drifter out here.
how did i even expect to land a man with all this shit in my space?

the good dudes could see my baggage and didn’t want to deal with that.
what’s funny is i kept attracting other drifters with more baggage than i had.
i saw the broken things within them that i saw in myself.
they taught me that like attracts like.
it even spilled into why i was stagnant when it came to chasing my career.
i missed so many opportunities i was scared to try.
there was fear buried deep in all these bags.
the moment something good happened,
i’d go sorting through a bag that opened up my insecurities.

once i started putting the boxes in the u-haul,
i felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
i’m learning that i need to pack light if i’m trying to get to a higher place in life.
i don’t know where The Universe is taking all of my old crap,
but i know it will be sorted out for my better good.
once i started doing this,
it started opening up more space for better to arrive.
i’ve learned that you can’t go anywhere in life or love,
or even enjoy it,
if you’re still keeping things that ended a long time ago around you.
your baggage will always hinder you from moving forward.
so many people are out here with too many bags that are blocking their blessings.
we keep wondering why we can’t progress,
but we’re still holding onto that ex,
that old life,
or those past memories.
we look at the good times,
but often forget the bad that came with them.
i had to ask myself…

If these things were good for me,
why isn’t they/he/she/them/it still in my life?

so it’s time to call that u-haul beloved.
let go and let God.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

3 thoughts on “i got too much baggage beloved

  1. You’re making me think, Jamari…and I love you for it! Good way to start my morning…I got a lotta shit around my house, too, that I call “memories” but won’t let go

    1. ^this entry might have been too deep,
      especially after everything we all fonted about yesterday.

      as long as it resonated with someone,
      that makes me happy!

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