Hi, I’m CoochieLana and I’ll Be Your Wolf’s Beard Today!

Im just letting all you Baller Wolves know reading…
That I will be also doing a screening for your beards when you are with me…
Like these two:

I need to like her ass too.

So my Vixens over at Baller Alert came up with a list for other Vixens to become beards.
Something I am all too familiar with when your image needs a cute hoe on your arm…

Everyone knows or has least speculated that the entertainment industry and sports industry is filled with homosexual men. Unfortunately, these industries aren’t completely welcoming of this sexuality preference therefore men have got to hide their true selves in the shadows. This is where they become desperate to dispel rumors by hiring Beards. a Beard is a woman who pretends to be a man’s girlfriend or wife, as a cover-up for his true sexuality. Women marry gay men all the time. Could it be possible that maybe they knew from the beginning?

Think of some of the men in Entertainment and Sports that you speculate may be a little on the sweet side. Now think about how many women they have been linked to. Sometimes they seem to be the ones who have the most ladies. Would you consider being a beard? Let’s think about a few of the pro’s and possible cons.


– Great Benefits –if you’re a beard for the right celebrity, you too will become a celebrity without having to do anything but be seen with a man. Use the relationship in your favor.

– Great Pay –All beards get an allowance and if they’re not, they’re doing it wrong. You’re getting paid to keep the secret. Whether it’s money, cars, or some new clothes you will certainly be getting something out of the deal.

– Great Experience –Expensive restaurants and vacations are just a few of the things you get to experience when you sign up for a job as a Beard. Things that you may never have gotten to see before are all being made available to you. Can’t complain about that.


– Unexpected Layoffs –As a beard, your job is very rarely a permanent one. The minute your “boss” decides that he wants to come out, or even worse, find a new beard, your job is done. Say good bye to the benefits, pay and great experiences!

– Privacy Policy – No one cares about your privacy and you have to care about his. The media is vicious. If they suspect a man is gay, they are going to dig up all kinds of dirt on him which subsequently could mean digging up dirt on you. They will follow him around like vultures. They will attack. With that said, should you leave the assignment early, if your boss is smart he’s put you on a confidentiality agreement and your shot at writing a multi-million dollar tell-all is out the window. You went through all of that for NOTHING!

– Bad Health Benefits – Depending on how real you want to keep it, you may possibly be putting your health at risk. AIDS is real and you never know who has it. If your boss has a man or two on the side, you never know what you’re getting into.

Read more: http://www.balleralert.com/#ixzz1uDWr2kyi

Sounds like some good advice.
Any time I see “Amazing Amazon” or “Beautiful Brazilian“,
I know they were torn out the pages from Beards R Us.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

22 thoughts on “Hi, I’m CoochieLana and I’ll Be Your Wolf’s Beard Today!”

  1. Beards have it made, they can get anything they want. People need to stop being so naive, some beards in hollywood are obvious as hell

    I don’t think Miguel is gay, I’m sorry. He’s a metrosexual man, which means he’s into fashion and he admires things that women would find interesting. I just think that if he’s hiding his sexuality, he wouldn’t dress the way he does.

  2. That gif has slayed me! LOLOL

    If I was a beard, we wouldn’t be having sex…all there is to it – we get it on the side *shrug*

  3. There’s a lot of this going on. Women, er, beards, being pimped, rented, leased, etc, to cover up a man’s true sexual identity (gay/bi). Then, when people don’t buy it, the dick pics or sex tapes/pics go viral. Remember Ne-Yo and Kanye? Yeah, no comment.

    That gif was funny as hell.

    1. Merkins? *shrug*

      And I’m not saying Miguel is or isn’t – just that it’s harder to tell the difference now instead of when kd lang, Little Richard, Paul Lynde, & Liberace were around. Of course there was still Rock Hudson, but he didn’t fit any stereotype so he flew under the radar.

      (you can google or wikipedia those names; I know some of you are too young to remember lol)

      1. I looked up Rock Hudson. He had a beard and he married her to prevent exposure. I read that she was a lesbian and he was gay, and she knew he was gay. Does this sound fimilar? *coughs* Will and Jada.

      2. You are a riot. Miguel has that Prince-esque thing going on,

        BTW, I am very familiar with the names. We’re about the same age.

  4. Beards make life livable on the outside for the actor/baller wolves. what kills me you can look at some of them and pin point the gay in them but ass soon as they have a beard on they arm everybody forgets. a few names we all know gayer than the skeetles rainbow bosh, ocho cinco, and i have a big rainbow flag on ray edwards. i mean we all saw his ex and how dark chocolaty sexy she was and he dumped her?????? and to answer BBB question i think the male verson is called (clutch)

  5. I’d be a beard. I just wouldn’t be offering up sex.
    I mean, honestly, if the point is to just be arm candy, then what happens behind closed doors shouldn’t matter.

  6. Had a bestie who did this for a while to pay through college and take trips. That bitch stayed calling me from a secure location. Undercover brothas like to appear with attractive women–duh–everybody knows that, what I didn’t know was that if a straight baller wolf is playing/living in a wack city and he desires Black American girls, he is willing to fly them in. My homegirl played both roles for a while. Gay dudes paid more of course.

    1. You probably have to know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody. It is never too easy to join the elite, if you will.

    2. Kinda like a DL event invitation. Meet at safe location (str8 clubs, video shoots, malls), short visual interview/observation, if you pass the test you’re in. Helps knowing other top notch hoes and party promoters too.

  7. Miguel is heterosexual? Girl, what? Are we talkin’ about the same butch queen? What about her says straight? If walks like a duck and talks like a duck.

    And being a beard is not too far off from escorting. There is a lot of money to be made in that industry. I don’t knock the girls who do it.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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