f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate, But I’m Confused AF! Help!?


Hey Jamari,

I just want to start off and let you know that Ive been reading your blog for quite sometime. (Even back when I was in high school). I used to read just to look at the hot guys but as I got older I started reading your more conversational thought provoking posts.

I recently went through the entire work wolf thread and I can’t say I’m going through the same situation but I felt your pain.

I really need advice from a wise gay black man who isn’t bitter from life and while I dont know you personally I get that feeling from you. You seem very sure of yourself and not scarred from your past.

Here’s my situation

I’ve been in love with the same man for almost 9 years and we’ve never been together. We’ve never had sex. The furthest we’ve gone is a couple explicit pics and kissing.

We met in high school. I was 14 and a freshman and he was 17 and a senior. We were both new to the school and he was (and still is) a very attractive man. 6 ft nice brown skin kinda lanky and beautiful eyes. He was and is still the finest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.

He starting dating this other senior but he and I were talking the whole time. A whole lot of drama transpired during that time but I stood by him.

When they broke up he asked me to be with him but I told him to wait (they were barely broken up) because I wanted him to heal before he and I walked into anything. That mf went and got into another relationship this time the guy was just A year older than me ( I was 15 and a sophomore at this point). We went back and forth falling in and out of each others lives. He ended up going to the military when I was 17 and we fell out for a good while. I have to admit I did my fair share of wrong.

I lied to him and told him I lost my virginity, so he went and had sex with some random and I told him the truth and he was really hurt.

Now I’m 23 and he’s about to be 26. He’s still in the military but he’s at school in our hometown. He and I have talked about where we stand with each other.

He’s told me that he loves me. He also said that he’d be afraid of cheating on me. I was slightly offended and I told him that it kind of killed my romantic feelings for him. He then explains to me that I misunderstand him.

He hasnt been in a relationship in 7 years. He’s afraid of it. He says that he doesnt know how to be in one. Considering the last 2 that he was in he emotionally cheated on both of them with me.

Now I recently got of a 3 year relationship myself last year (which is a whole nother can of worms).

But this man just does something to me jamari. Not only is he a great friend (helps me financially, gives emotional support good advice, great conversations) but he is everything I want in a man. I told him last year I felt like our souls were tied and we’ve never even had sex. It feels crazy to love someone like this and to have never even been physically intimate. With them.

He still resents me for the times I kicked him out of my life and I resent him for stringing me along these relationships.

Even recently he was talking to this guy. The entire time they were dating he’s telling me that it won’t last long or that it won’t work out. (It didn’t)

Jamari. He’s told me that he’s expecting for me to kick him out of life again and tbh sometimes I wonder if I’m gonna do it. I don’t want to do it because I know how much this hurts my friend and all the romantic shit aside me and him are really good bros but the other part of me would rather not see him than to exist in this limbo like state. I don’t wanna pull no ultimatum tho.

He recently asked me to accompany him to New York this summer for a week long vacay (just the two of us) he also wants to pay for me to get my passport because he wants us to travel out of the country together but yet we’ve never fucked, we aint never been together and as far as I see we arent headed down that route but every time we see each other we kissing and hugging and feeling and talking like tomorrow don’t even exist.

Jamari I feel it in my gut, in my heart and in my spirit that this man is soulmate.

But how tf do I navigate this situation?


it’s supposed to mean the person that was made for us.
we we hear it the most with the straights.
it almost sounds like a fantasy in this gay life we live.
most of us are so sexually obsessed that “mr. right” is often “mr. right now”.
soulmates means “the sex is good so i put him on the roster”.
we often have a lot of sex,
but not a lot of “emotional connecting”.
there are those unicorns that are more than just sex tho.
it can feel like one of those “soulmate straights” movies.
it feels good to have a male want you more for than just an hour or two.
when you meet someone like that,
you shouldn’t let it go.
most of us are dreaming of the day when we can say:

















you have two routes with your situation because you found a unicorn.
you can:

keep him as a friend and do that “back, back, front, and forth” dance
take a risk and see what happens

the first option is easy.
we all live stagnant on the fear of the unknown.
it seems like he was interested in you from jump,
but you pushed him into each relationship he was in.
you were playing a ton of games with him.
it also seems like his relations end because he is drawn to you.
from your foxmail,
i think that you have given enough reasons that you want him.
it sounds like he is there and even supports you in many ways.
why not give it a shot?
i say let your guard down and take it slow.
it seems like you can teach him since he “isn’t good at it”.
you gonna fuck around and recreate this scene from one of my fav movies:

seeing someone you were supposed to be with meet another soulmate<<<

don’t let someone else snatch him up.
he might not come back for a very long time.
so i hope this helped reader.
it’s 2018.
try something different and see what happens.
as always,
thank you for the love and support!

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate, But I’m Confused AF! Help!?”

  1. Yes, I agree with you Jamari! He needs to stop playing games with this man, you know he’s in love and will do anything you ask, not just physically but emotionally too. I wish ihaf someone to take me out of the country, I bet if he gave him some that would seal the deal, it’s not like he’s a random, don’t be a fool.

  2. Take it slow? 9 years is 2 over a snails pace if you don’t get with this man….you have what many in this lifestyle hop from dick to ass looking for and some never find anything other than STDs and bitterness. Leave your past in the past and start building your future now

    1. Few people meet the love of their life. By the time I accepted who the love of my life was…we had broken up twice and the last time I saw him was his funeral ….if we had stopped wasting time ..this life wouldn’t have gotten to him . From what his family tells me I’m all he talked about and they knew I was the love of his life without us coming out to them .. don’t let this happen to either of you

  3. it’s weird I didn’t realize it til later that none of my relationships worked because I compared them him. we had our problems but when someone didn’t measure up to his humor, sex and definite protection of me..i found a reason to cut it off.

  4. He should jus go for it. After 9 whole years, there’s nothing to lose and everything to gain. And dude is willing to help get him a passport to travel abroad?!? Stop playing and go for it! I’m almost mad at the writer for toying with this dude so long. Sometimes I feel that because the world is so harsh towards us we don’t feel like we deserve happiness. And as a result self sabotage. I wish one of these many bums I run into would want to travel beyond the bedroom and dude got one waiting for him. Smh

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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