the issue isn’t with you, miss lady (the issue is he’s gay and doesn’t want vagina)

he might just be gay.
i knew one who had an issue with every vixen he met.

it’d be all good and then a month later,
like clockwork,
there would be “a problem”.
a very small one that could be worked out.
he’d pick a random fight and then ghost the poor vixen.
i knew another who sexually kept going through vixens like underwear.
at first,
i thought it was the “we don’t love these hoes” narrative.
i can attest that about 98% weren’t hoes.
he’d go through the whole process like he was trying to date.
his excuse:
males are “supposed” to fuck a ton of women before settling down.
“sewing their wild oats” as they often say,
but if he’s close to 50 and still doing that…
Continue reading “the issue isn’t with you, miss lady (the issue is he’s gay and doesn’t want vagina)”

f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate, But I’m Confused AF! Help!?


Hey Jamari,

I just want to start off and let you know that Ive been reading your blog for quite sometime. (Even back when I was in high school). I used to read just to look at the hot guys but as I got older I started reading your more conversational thought provoking posts.

I recently went through the entire work wolf thread and I can’t say I’m going through the same situation but I felt your pain.

I really need advice from a wise gay black man who isn’t bitter from life and while I dont know you personally I get that feeling from you. You seem very sure of yourself and not scarred from your past.

Here’s my situation

I’ve been in love with the same man for almost 9 years and we’ve never been together. We’ve never had sex. The furthest we’ve gone is a couple explicit pics and kissing.

We met in high school. I was 14 and a freshman and he was 17 and a senior. We were both new to the school and he was (and still is) a very attractive man. 6 ft nice brown skin kinda lanky and beautiful eyes. He was and is still the finest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.

He starting dating this other senior but he and I were talking the whole time. A whole lot of drama transpired during that time but I stood by him.

When they broke up he asked me to be with him but I told him to wait (they were barely broken up) because I wanted him to heal before he and I walked into anything. That mf went and got into another relationship this time the guy was just A year older than me ( I was 15 and a sophomore at this point). We went back and forth falling in and out of each others lives. He ended up going to the military when I was 17 and we fell out for a good while. I have to admit I did my fair share of wrong.

I lied to him and told him I lost my virginity, so he went and had sex with some random and I told him the truth and he was really hurt.

Now I’m 23 and he’s about to be 26. He’s still in the military but he’s at school in our hometown. He and I have talked about where we stand with each other.

He’s told me that he loves me. He also said that he’d be afraid of cheating on me. I was slightly offended and I told him that it kind of killed my romantic feelings for him. He then explains to me that I misunderstand him.

He hasnt been in a relationship in 7 years. He’s afraid of it. He says that he doesnt know how to be in one. Considering the last 2 that he was in he emotionally cheated on both of them with me.

Now I recently got of a 3 year relationship myself last year (which is a whole nother can of worms).

But this man just does something to me jamari. Not only is he a great friend (helps me financially, gives emotional support good advice, great conversations) but he is everything I want in a man. I told him last year I felt like our souls were tied and we’ve never even had sex. It feels crazy to love someone like this and to have never even been physically intimate. With them.

He still resents me for the times I kicked him out of my life and I resent him for stringing me along these relationships.

Even recently he was talking to this guy. The entire time they were dating he’s telling me that it won’t last long or that it won’t work out. (It didn’t)

Jamari. He’s told me that he’s expecting for me to kick him out of life again and tbh sometimes I wonder if I’m gonna do it. I don’t want to do it because I know how much this hurts my friend and all the romantic shit aside me and him are really good bros but the other part of me would rather not see him than to exist in this limbo like state. I don’t wanna pull no ultimatum tho.

He recently asked me to accompany him to New York this summer for a week long vacay (just the two of us) he also wants to pay for me to get my passport because he wants us to travel out of the country together but yet we’ve never fucked, we aint never been together and as far as I see we arent headed down that route but every time we see each other we kissing and hugging and feeling and talking like tomorrow don’t even exist.

Jamari I feel it in my gut, in my heart and in my spirit that this man is soulmate.

But how tf do I navigate this situation?


Continue reading “f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate, But I’m Confused AF! Help!?”

f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate… But, I Think I Messed Up! Help!


Hey Jamari, I’ve been following your blog for a few months now and it’s funny how you’re one of the few people I can talk to about this and we haven’t even met. Your aura is so awesome it can reach people through a computer screen. I’ve never had to deal with this kind of situation so I’m asking for help.

I think I’ve met my soulmate. Almost a year ago I became friends with this guy at a get together. I was advised by some of my other friends to avoid him because he seemed strange but he was pretty cool so I kept talking to him. Since then we’ve practically hit it off. Everything he likes, I like. Every idea I’ve had since I was a child he’s had. Talking to him was like looking into an opaque mirror. Since that day, he’s become my best friend. I’ve been to his house where we’ve sat up and talked about everything until dawn. I’ve never met anyone I’ve had this deep of a connection with. There’s even times we can tell what the other’s thinking. It’s even gotten to the point that we finish each other’s sentences. He’s the only person I feel like I can tell anything to or go to for anything but… I think we both have feelings for each other and we’re to afraid to take that step. He got drunk one night at a party and told everyone we should be together. Everyone had an omg look on their faces and when he realized what he said he tried to play it off. I was drunk too and I didn’t want to make a scene so I just laughed it off. A few days later two of our friends suggested we be together, back to back. Even they can see it, but it got awkwardly shrugged off. Since then I feel like he’s been in his feelings and idk if he even still feels the same. I’ve never dated a guy. It’s not often I can imagine spending my life with someone, let alone another guy but I’d be willing to try with him. It’s like we were made for each other. We’re both aces which would make things a lot easier for us. My feelings for him have grown so intense that it’s hard for me to control it now. There’s so many examples of him passively flirting with me that I’ve lost count but nothing was ever initiated. If I let him go it’s gonna haunt me for eternity but I’m afraid to tell him how I feel in case I’m blind and it’s one sided, but I feel like I’m gonna lose him if I don’t. I honestly don’t know.

What do you feel would be best?


Continue reading “f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate… But, I Think I Messed Up! Help!”