f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate… But, I Think I Messed Up! Help!


Hey Jamari, I’ve been following your blog for a few months now and it’s funny how you’re one of the few people I can talk to about this and we haven’t even met. Your aura is so awesome it can reach people through a computer screen. I’ve never had to deal with this kind of situation so I’m asking for help.

I think I’ve met my soulmate. Almost a year ago I became friends with this guy at a get together. I was advised by some of my other friends to avoid him because he seemed strange but he was pretty cool so I kept talking to him. Since then we’ve practically hit it off. Everything he likes, I like. Every idea I’ve had since I was a child he’s had. Talking to him was like looking into an opaque mirror. Since that day, he’s become my best friend. I’ve been to his house where we’ve sat up and talked about everything until dawn. I’ve never met anyone I’ve had this deep of a connection with. There’s even times we can tell what the other’s thinking. It’s even gotten to the point that we finish each other’s sentences. He’s the only person I feel like I can tell anything to or go to for anything but… I think we both have feelings for each other and we’re to afraid to take that step. He got drunk one night at a party and told everyone we should be together. Everyone had an omg look on their faces and when he realized what he said he tried to play it off. I was drunk too and I didn’t want to make a scene so I just laughed it off. A few days later two of our friends suggested we be together, back to back. Even they can see it, but it got awkwardly shrugged off. Since then I feel like he’s been in his feelings and idk if he even still feels the same. I’ve never dated a guy. It’s not often I can imagine spending my life with someone, let alone another guy but I’d be willing to try with him. It’s like we were made for each other. We’re both aces which would make things a lot easier for us. My feelings for him have grown so intense that it’s hard for me to control it now. There’s so many examples of him passively flirting with me that I’ve lost count but nothing was ever initiated. If I let him go it’s gonna haunt me for eternity but I’m afraid to tell him how I feel in case I’m blind and it’s one sided, but I feel like I’m gonna lose him if I don’t. I honestly don’t know.

What do you feel would be best?


as always,
thank you for the love.
i always give thanks before i start.

ever so often,
we meet someone of the same sex that gets deep into our spirit.
we play this game of “it’s pretty obvious”.
those of us know that game pretty well.
one knows himself to know what he wants.
the other is “playing straight af scared af”.
so here goes the agonizing months,
if not years,
of deciphering signs and being depressed af.

this may not be the case with you both

it seems from what you’re saying,
you both have this connection to each other.
drunk words usually mean sober thoughts.
the fact you shrugged it off made him unsure of your true feelings.
he shouldn’t have put you on the spot,
but maybe he thought you were already both on the same page.

You became the “playing straight af and scared af” character in the story

if it was me,
i would pull my friend to the side.
since you both talk so openly,
ask him what he meant by “we were together” at the party.
do it when you both are pretty open and walls are down.
the process of getting someone comfortable is making them comfortable.

coming out to someone you’re attracted to is scary
having to accept feelings for the same sex is scary
rejection is fucking scary

it’s almost like you were both dating and didn’t even realize it.
maybe he thought you were already on the same page?
so i say to reach out and ask a question.
find out how this dating will go if this happens.

is he out?
are you in?
does he want to be discreet?
do you both want to be out?

there are things to be discussed after.
so many of us would love to be in your position right nah.
fear is usually what kills the vibe.
i hope this helps!
keep me updated and see what the foxhole may have to say!

“Things haven’t been the same
Since you came into my life
You found a way to touch my soul
And I’m never, ever, ever gonna let it go

Happiness lies in your own hand
It took me much too long to understand
How it could be
Until you shared your secret with me”

jamari fox

lowkey: have an issue you need help on?
the foxhole may be your best choice!
hit me up: CONTACT

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

5 thoughts on “f0xmail: I Think I Found My Soulmate… But, I Think I Messed Up! Help!

    1. EXACTLY!!! That don’t come around too often, I would take the leap of faith. These can be the best relationships. And Jamari took the words out my mouth, a drunk mouth speaks a sober heart.. Go for it.

  1. I agree with Jamari, “drunk words usually mean sober thoughts”. What you might do with him is have him over to watch “The DL Chronicles”. This is one that I’d recommend that you watch in particular: A recent episode of it featured a story about a firefighter in love with his best friend. Both were on the DL and in love with each other and it wasn’t until the end that they both recognized that each was on the DL and that they loved each other in a romantic and more than brotherly way. You and he can use the DL Chronicles as a way to get to opening up talking about “it”.

  2. It’s The DL Chronicles Returns (Thomas) that I referred to above.

    From http://www.gay-scenes.com/dl-chronicles-returns-gay-themed-webseries/ :

    The DL Chronicles Returns (Thomas) a gay-themed webseries

    by Jonathan Caron · Published August 30, 2016 · Updated September 9, 2016

    After 4 years of absence on television screens, Two Cents Productions, Russelli & Hall Filmworks and Here! TV (in association with Stop That Bangin’) are backing DLC again. Their first move is to serve the loyalty of true fans by faithfully continuing the story of The DL Chronicles series via internet. The genesis of the initial script revolved around Chadwick Williams writings (an aspiring journalist with a gift for observation) as he recounts the secret life of men of color around him while adding his own fantasies in a book to be published called The Down Low. The third preview of the webseries “Returns” focuses on Thomas character, a former NYC firefighter who has sunderwent a major operation after a serious accident. His chronicles invite us into a provocative world of sexual discovery, denial, betrayal, love and loss as he falls in love with the male caretaker supposed to help him during his rehabilitation period. Note: in case you are confused by intros, DLC is promoting The Chadwick Journals before each episode start.

  3. I say you give this a shot but only ask when the vibe is right. Like Jamari said you have to get him ( and yourself) comfortable before you take a leap of faith.

    I’m about to quote dorthey from Golden Girls ( don’t judge me lol) I think it applies to your situation,

    ” “The bottom line is, if you take a chance in life, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. But honey, if you don’t take a chance, nothing happens.”

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