i got a dm from a foxholer requesting advice on ig.
after reading it,
i felt really compelled to answer.
this is a quick background of what was sent to me:
a foxholer is working with a male who he thinks gets down.
he has been doing the “staring,
and making suspect comments disguised as jokes” shit.
the dude decides to back tf up and goes cold.
the foxholer is now confused af and wondering what went wrong.
you know how that goes…
since i’ve dealt with that bullshit,
i had a few thoughts.
Long time fan and reader here. This past weekend I’ve ran into an issue and I wanted to get your advice on it. So for pretty much my whole high school career I’ve had the BIGGEST crush on one of my friends. Just hanging out with him after school would make my day ten times better but I was always hurt because I knew I was wasting my time because he wasn’t gay so I just took it on the chin and tried to move on. This past weekend, some odd years after high school, this nigga decides to come out to me and introduce me to his boyfriend. To see I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. Now, all the emotions I had suppressed for years came back and I’ve been in my feelings these past couple days. I’m genuinely happy that he’s happy now but ain’t the same time, I’m sad that it’s not with me (I know this sounds selfish but that’s honestly how I feel). I need your advice as to how to move on with the friendship.
Should I just play everything off and deal with it?
Should i tell him and let that play out?
Or should I just stop talking to him?
You’re the only one I feel like I can talk to about this.Thank you for your time and I’d appreciate any feedback!
Hope your doing well. I’ve been a big fan of your blog for a long time. It speaks so much volumes as a black gay male. Something I’ve struggled with is feeling like i dont quite measure up to my peers, family, and colleagues in the relationship department. Looking back I realize that I dont really have any long tenured relationships. I’m not sure you could relate to this. I’ll be turning 30 next year and have been bombarded with strong feelings of loneliness recently. Can you relate?
This is a Ask Jamari question on PDA.
Some background: I was with a group of friends and associates of about 10 latin, black, multi-racial, in and out of the closet, feminine up to masculine and one of them let’s call him Jay who is dl masculine wolf ask everyone how they felt about pda (public displays of affection) between men such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing. He of course said even if he wanted to he’d never do it in public due to social norms etc. Another said he came from a home with no pda, nobody ever said I love you so he was uncomfortable doing it or somebody doing it to him in public. The answers varied but the one who surprised everybody was _____ who was a drug dealer when he was young, went to prison after killing a guy who gave him a date rape drug then went to college and now holds a phd. True sports addict and no one ever believes he’s into men. I’ve seen women be irate when they try to hit on him and he tells them he’s not interested and he likes men only. Well, he said at 17 he told his mom and family…does not use gay to describe himself but loves a male relationship solely. Well, he has no problem with pda at all in public whether initiating or being the receiving party. I’ve gotten more comfortable with some forms of it but for me it’s a time and place as I feel you have to be present in your environment. You may want to show your love but you have to use common sense as well. Overall, most men of color seem to be uptight about it so I was wondering how you felt about it.
So, if a guy you were involved with wanted to holds hands, hug you, or kiss you in public how would you react?
No limitations…some limitations…not allow it, etc
Dear Jamari Fox,
A few months ago, I was introduced to your blog and instantly became a fan. This is the first black gay blog that I have ever been exposed to and I’m here for it!
I am emailing you to seek your opinion on love. I once believed in love until all my recent encounters with men. I have dated within and out of my race (Black). Dating within my race, I end up with a men who don’t know what it is they want out of relationships, has problems with their masculinity, massive manipulators. Dating outside of my race, I end up with two good healthy relationships but we just did not connect on a cultural level. Personally, I believe it is hella important to have that cultural connection in a relationship.
I don’t think I ask for much in a relationship. I want someone who is honest, supportive, trustworthy, lovable, and someone who is ambitious on reaching success (whatever that looks like for them).
To make a long story short, it has been hit or miss even with the guys close to my age and older. I’m aware the problem could be myself, the people I attract, or both. I don’t want to just give up completely on love but… 🤷🏾♂️
I battle with if it is possible to find black gay love? Find someone who doesn’t lie, manipulate, cheat, or intentionally try to hurt you? Maybe you will have some answers for me because I’m sure someone has posed this question before me. Can’t wait to hear your response.
I love your blog. I was asking for advice from you and your readers. I just tested negative for HIV and want to go on PREP. My private employer and their healthcare provider will not let me enroll in wellness programs to keep my insurance premiums down because of this.
is this allowed?