so i watched the “wicked for good” trailer and bawled.

the young me,
that frowned every time karaoke played the broadway soundtrack for the original “wicked”,
would judged at the current me.
tbh:

i hate i didn’t get into wicked sooner.

back then,
i was so concerned with fitting into spaces that never welcomed me,
i really missed a story that reflected my life back to me.

it’s funny how the things we react when we are ashamed of ourselves,
eventually come back to heal or teach us a lesson.

when i watched the first “wicked” movie last year,
i didn’t expect to relate to “the green one” so deeply…

she is the misunderstood one,
the blamed and feared one,
and turned into the infamous one for being honest.
that last scene in the movie where she was singing “defying gravity“,
while everyone beneath her was cursing her name,
takes me TFFFFFFFF out every single time.
i can be honest and font that:

i spent years trying to be “the pink one”.

the chosen one,
the adored and easily loved one,
and the popular one simply by not having to prove themselves.
the weird thing is that i always struggled with being “the green one”:

…but many people have seen me as “the pink one”.

so even though i was treated an outcast by the same tables who never welcomed me,
there were others that i happily welcomed at my table that saw me as powerful.
i never saw myself as that person but plenty of people saw me bigger than i have.
all of the things i thought were flaws were actually beauty and blessings.
it made me have another thought:

…what is God sees me as “the pink one”?

because in His eyes,
i was never wicked.

we spend so much of our lives fighting to be seen a certain way.
we went to be liked,
chosen,
and be popular but to many people who actually see us,
we are “the pink ones” to their “green ones”.

How we see ourselves (green, persecuted, rejected)
How others see us (pink, privileged, adored)
How God sees us (whole: a beautiful fusion of both?)

i made me wonder:

what happens when inside you feel like you don’t belong,
but the forests sees you as being the chosen one?

…and you character arc is God saying you’re both?