… Yet, I’m Single In This Bitch.

I just read an amazing entry from one of  my loyal Foxes, So Vain 1.
It left me sorta speechless, angry, confused, and content all in one breath.
I love someone who can do that to me.
Means you are more than just a pretty face.

But, that entry got me to thinking about my own issues within The Concrete Forest.
Things I have gone through in my privacy.
Thoughts that I have had in my own confused mind.
Look I’m not trying to be full of myself (well a little never hurt),
but let me run down my resume…

I’m trying to figure out why I am single when:

I’m pretty attractive and I use to be a little model.
I am slim with nice cakes and even tighter walls.
I have a job, but I have a career that I am desperately trying to pursue (i.e goals)
I am discreet and follow the rules of discretion.
I have my own crib and pay my bills on time.
My Fox Swagg is on point. I got a nice little wardrobe.
I’m not crazy, a stalker, or even a mass murderer.
I’m funny as hell and my charisma is on 1,000.
I’m pretty damn good in bed and like to try new exciting freaky things.

… I have all these great qualities, but I’m alone?
What’s good????????
Hell, even if I could meet a dude I’m exclusively fucking that could just be a friend.
Has the world changed and I didn’t get the memo?

It makes me cringe when I hear people say:

“Why is someone like you single?”.
“You are too sexy to be single?”
“I know you got someone that is treating you right?”
“When last you got some good dick?”

Star Fox telling me that I should already be with a baller.
Cousin Fox confused as to why I’m not surrounded in men.
It makes me think there is something wrong with me.
Even though I have broken myself down and everything comes up clean.

I pretty much live my life low key.
I’m not always in the club looking for niggas to fuck or doing the choreography to Single Ladies.
It is the weirdest thing.

If I looked like this:



… or if I was broke as a joke.
….Or some loud mouth queen bee that will out you in 2.5 seconds….
I’d have Wolves lining up at my door.
It is like dudes want the drama and then complain when drama happens.
My idea of drama must be different than these new school niggas.
If I was fucking them on bunk beds, sharing with my little brother at my mammy house.
Sucking their dicks in alleys or hallways or even never listening to a nigga when he needed a shoulder.


I’m not saying I’m a good boy because I can be very bad.
I’m stubborn, moody, procrastinate, and can contradict myself like it was nothing
But I like to show that side to Wolves I’m shootin the shit with.

Ya know, I apologize that I am attracted to attractive Wolfs.
I apologize that I’m 1 of 2,000 Foxes looking for the same thing.
I apologize that they tend to be stupid and don’t see a good thing.
I also apologize that I’m not sucking the first dick that comes through my door.
I apologize my ass is not hanging on by safety pins and Krazy Glue.

I guess…
I’ll pray to God and ask him to show me what is wrong with me.
Maybe I can get my answers through that outlet.

There is a part 2 to this coming soon.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

22 thoughts on “… Yet, I’m Single In This Bitch.”

      1. What you want me to say? I can give you platitutdes & homilies, but it’s true.

        You have a standard — now you can lower it/settle, but then you’ll be bytchin about that.

        We all know it’s possible to find something thorugh Twitter/et. al, but it’s not the norm…

        Maybe it’s already in front of you & you’re missing it somehow. Listen to that still small voice inside…God is tryna tell you something — and His timing ain;t yours, baby. Trust me — I know :-*

  1. Well see you must stop it right there! U can not always be so quick as to blame yourself! We are always so quick to internalize things and automatically think something is our fault or something is somehow wrong with us because we do not think we are receiving the attention we feel we deserve. Yes you may be a indeed a good catch and have a lot to offer, but one thing that is hardest for we young ones to grasp is the essence of time. We are young and most of us have not lived long enough to acquire the real virtue of patience. We do not know how to wait for anything. We hunger and yearn for things which is healthy, but we do not know how to cope with the feelings until the honor is bestowed upon us. See, you must understand that your time will and is coming and just continue to put yourself out there. Never feel too good for a certain outlet because you never know who else thinks they are too good and just happen to be there. Next thing you know, both of you are chatting it up together.

    Youve got to keep on fighting, but most of all, youve got to as the lord for the serenity to soothe these feelings you are having so that wait can be much more peaceful and well spent still improving yourself. After all, youve still got many things to work on and improve on. Self improvement is not seasonal work. Youve got to work smart all the time on the things you want to improve about yourself. While you may never be perfect, you can be the BEST you CAN be.

    Now give me a hug honey! 🙂

    1. i love you for this.
      EVERYONE needs to read this.
      very inspirational.

      i will admit that i am quick to blame me.
      i will beat myself up when in reality, it is no one’s fault.
      probably just not my season(s).
      i am very impatient and i can admit that.

      i love my site because i get to vent and get responses like this that put me in check.
      i can never complain about my blessings because it has been a long road for me.
      as i grow with this site, i will share more and more.

      thank you d!
      *many hugs*

  2. Oh yeah, one more important part:

    Having people in your corner who believe in you, support you, yet won’t coddle you nor betray you. That’s ALWAYS a must, because we really can’t do it alone…

    …now that I’ve given you a little spanking, c’mere & let me make it all better 😉

  3. Aw!!! i was just venting my frustrations because I’m in the exact same place you are. I’m finding that more people can relate to each other when we get into the specifics of our lives. I know so many people who complain about how hard it is when you have your life together to find a man. So clearly something is wrong.

    (This is long, i hope it posts)
    However, im going to go against the grain on this one and im sure many will disagree with me. I’m finding now that the people who say that its important to sit around and wait for it to happen when you least expect it…. are SINGLE! Why am i talking to a single person about finding a man? This whole “you’re young and you have a lot to gain” and blah blah blah… fuck that! How many people in their 30s and 40s are sitting around also waiting to meet the right one? LOTS!!! So i disagree and say that if you want to meet that baller or wolf of your dreams, go out and find him! Put yourself in positions where you are likely to meet them whether it clubs or events or the gym. Keeping to one’s self sends the signal that you want to be left alone. We often times believe that simple possessing these great qualities will lead to finding the right ones and that’s definitely not the case. We forget that was WE THINK men want isn’t necessarily what THEY THEMSELVES are looking for. So sure, you have all of those things (goals, clothes, job, place, looks) and he isn’t even in the market for any of that. I think it would be beneficial to you to ask various wolves what exactly do they want in someone whom they want to be with for the long term, their answers will surprise you.

    Further more, i would guess that the owners of those two xtube profiles (i gotta give it to aaralyia, she sucks lots of dick and does not apologize for it!) do something that most of us dont do… and that’s S-P-E-A-K! We often times stare at each other hoping the other will make the first move which usually doesn’t happen. Men, both foxes and wolves, are afraid of rejections as well as not knowing what to say to each other. So if we’re both waiting around for the other to make the first move, we’ll be waiting around forever. A simple smile followed by a “how are you?” if a great way to start. Or you can be bold enough to stop and introduce yourself like “I’m finding that most people are scared to these days to just say hello, so i wanna try something new”… BOOM! CONVERSATION STARTER! Read his responses and body language and see where the conversation goes. But the important thing is to open lines of communication first. The rest, if it’s meant to happen, will fall into place. So despite all of the great qualities you may possess there way he will know any of that if you don’t speak to him! We can no longer sit around and wait for love to fall into our laps because we are NOT the heterosexual majority population. We are different. And if the point is to be discreet and stay below the radar… how the FUCK is anyone, potential ballers and wolves included, suppose to find you?? Lets be real here.

    1. ^THIS!!!!!!!!
      I got to say,
      this made me open my eyes.
      but what if dudes are intimidated by you?
      I notice I meet a lot of dudes that have said that i have intimidated them in some way.

      I have started to being more outspoken.
      I need to meet another fox that wants to go event hoppin’ with.
      star fox is usually busy so I can never get him when I need him.

      this summer i will to be swimming in men.
      I am going to make sure of it!

  4. Been reading your blog for a minute..its ironic how u saw what I’m thinking at times…especially on this post. But anyway…. saying hi and maybe more.

  5. I never met you but assuming everything you way is true, I’d venture a guess that you are single by choice. Perhaps you’ve seen the game, played rgw game and you just have no desire to be in that mix, a notion clearly projected by you to those who walk to pull you into that vortex.
    Rejoice in your singleness. It’s a gift.

    1. honestly, i am.
      i know i can meet dudes.
      that is nothing.
      the chat sites have turned me off so much.
      that whole game and the lies is unappealing.
      so now it’s “what next?”….
      that is the frustrating part.

  6. As another single gay man, this post was both timely and interesting. I understand the need to be a little more assertive but what happens when it STILL seems that no one is checking for you unless they’ve already screened you via the internet (chat rooms, A4A, Bear411, FaceBook, etc)?

    Plus how do you tell when it’s okay to approach someone as it seems that most of us (because I’m guilty of this too) have a facial expression that says “I’m not really trying to be bothered”.

    Sometimes it all seems to be too troublesome and non-value added and I’d rather read, take in a movie, watch cable or troll for new music on the internet. But my friends keep telling me I’ve gotta change……

    1. keith,
      i feel you 100.
      it is annoying because you know you aren’t NOT doing nothing out the norm.
      why is Vixens have no qualms of trying to get with you,
      yet with Wolves it’s like you have to put in a master code before you play the game.
      it should not be that hard.
      if i can turn the amount of women trying to get in my drawz into men,
      maybe i’d have a happier life….
      …or is god doing this as amusement?

  7. but like i said before,
    all the wolves who actively try to pursue me,
    are taken by other foxes.
    i can never meet a single wolf.
    it’s always some ‘straight’ wolf that is going to drive me bananas with signs…
    or some wolf already involved with a friend or an associate and wants me to be some ho-bag.

    1. DUDE ^^^^^^^^^ THAT RIGHT THERE is my situation!!!! No matter how much I try to shake them I always end up attracting some Wolf with extra baggage…whether it be a wife, gf, fellow fox or slut-bag. And if it is not that they are broke looking for some financing….hell no!!!! So like Keith, I tend to stay home read a book, chill and browse the web…it gets tiring but at the end of the day when your scared shitless of rejection from approaching a Wolf (Vain and I had a talk about this before) we tend to shy away into our own corners unbeknownst to ourselves. Everywhere I go…I get the stares, at my place of employment…I always get to building some twisted friendship with the “everyone-thinks-he-is-straight-but-he-flirts-his-ass-off-with-you-and-yet-says-he-is-straight” kinda dude…that the Vixens at my office be goin ga-ga over on a daily basis…im so over this shit….I’m with Vain tho…it’s time as Foxes we pull up our boxer-briefs, hit the streets and drag our Wolfs back to where they belong! These loose booty girls aren’t afraid to do it and they win big…so shit…it’s 2011…of course we’ll loose some but EVERYTHING is worth a try….FOxes to the World!

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

%d bloggers like this: