it’s funny how certain situations in our lives work.
you think it’s all bad,
but in reality,
it serves as a purpose to show you who you are.
who you really are.
it’s like a mirror.
one that only shows all the flaws underneath your armor.
we like to cover things up with material shit,
or many different distractions,
but being in a shit storm has a way of uncovering everything you kept hidden.
that could be the reason why most of us hide behind selfies and “likes”.
we don’t want to allow ourselves to get naked and get real.
“beyonce ain’t never been weak!
you know she the queen ‘n’ shit…”
this situation with work wolf has me picking myself apart.
i won’t even lie to you.
the day he put me on that silent treatment,
are the days i have spent asking myself so many questions.
“am i a good person?”
“maybe i shouldn’t have …”
“was he tired of me?”
“what did i do wrong?”
“did he use me?”
“who have i been replaced with?”
“was i even a factor in his life?”
it has stirred up so much ugly.
i’ve been having this one particular thought tho.
i just shared with karaoke via text…
“you know, it’s funny. i have been thinking to myself: ‘if i am going through this now, whats going to happen when the wolf punches me in the face? or throws me across the island in our kitchen? will i have the strength to leave? or will i make up excuses as to why he is a good wolf?… and i can say i’ll be hurt, question why he did it, and try to make it work… and that is sad to admit. i don’t like that. at all.”
“always being strong” is the first thing we grab out our closets.
it goes well with the kicks and the accessories.
we put fronts so other animals know we aren’t to be messed with.
it’s the law of the jungle.
only the strong survive
the problem is that situations can arise that reveal just how weak we can be.
sometimes we experience the same tests,
over and over again,
but defeat them so we can add another victory to our belts.
what we forget is we may encounter that same situation,
or a whole new one,
but with a much tougher opponent(s).
sometimes the opponent is standing right with you
sometimes the opponent is in your family
sometimes the opponent is in charge of your 9-5
sometimes the opponent is laying with you at night
sometimes the opponent is someone we just haven’t met yet
sometimes the opponent is all of the above in a “you vs them” match up
i have a lot to work on.
i know this.
you know this.
i’m proud of myself for not hiding behind a crutch to please the world.
i’m sure my site would be more exciting if i was fuckin’ ’n’ suckin’ randoms.
that is not my journey right now.
i think i’m being humbled or prepared.
i’m not sure which.
hiding behind “strength” can only last but for so long.
it happens to the best of us.
pop star “strong” divas UN-raveling through ain’t shit pineapples
rap star “strong” wolves fallin’ victim to attentionistas(or nistos)
baller “strong” wolves different as they are on the field/court/office
it doesn’t matter how “out” you are,
how “masculine” you act,
how “straight” you look,
or how you take and receive in this life.
money or muscles won’t fix it your shit.
all of us have “something(s)”.
the day will come that you’ll have to look in the mirror,
stand alone with no one in your corner,
really see all your ugly,
and finally have to confront those “somethings”.
That will be the the first step to gettin’ real
…and for those who have already gotten their “national animal wake up call”,
i give you my entire congratulations.
…now back to house of cards,
the third episode,